


With a Little Love and Luck

by GinnyK



Series: Peering into the Future [7]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: Cute Kids, Family, Medical, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-20 06:01:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 56,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3639420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GinnyK/pseuds/GinnyK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Summer with the Lyman family</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from the Jimmy Buffett song of the same name.

Donna watched out the window of the plane as the airport runway came into view. She nudged Jessie awake who in turn nudged his brother Jake. Both boys stuffed their belongings back into their backpacks and shoved their feet into their sneakers. Donna reached to smooth down their curls. At 8 Jessie didn't mind too much, but at 10 Jake waved off her efforts and pulled on his beloved Notre Dame baseball hat. It had been a gift to him from his favorite "uncle", Jed Bartlet. He'd worn it every day since he'd gotten it two months earlier on his 10th birthday.

It was just after the July 4th holiday and Donna and the boys were taking a trip to visit her family in Wisconsin. Actually Donna was dropping the boys off. She was staying for the weekend and the boys were going to spend an extra two weeks visiting her family. The boys had tried to convince her that they were old enough to fly out alone but she wanted to see her parents too. She did however, give in on the issue of flying alone. They boys were flying back by themselves two weeks later.

Josh had originally planned to make the trip with Donna but he hadn't been feeling well over the past few weeks and decided he wasn't up to it. Donna realized that there was more to his decision than not feeling well, although she was sure that was part of it. It was very rare that Josh got a chance to spend any time at home by himself and she was sure he was looking forward to it. Donna knew he wouldn't be completely alone; Ben would be in and out during the weekend. The blossoming romance between their "nanny" and Annie Westin was in full bloom. Ben spent every free moment with her. Josh teased him about wearing a path in the highway between Bethesda and Baltimore.

After hearing Josh make vague complaints about tightness in his chest, trouble swallowing and in general feeling unwell Donna had him make an appointment to see his doctor, Jill Connors. More than just their doctor, Jill was a good friend. She always made extra time for Josh when he called for an appointment. She would schedule his appointment to fill her lunch hour and the first appointment slot after her break. They would eat in her office and talk for a while. This usually gave her an opportunity to figure out what was going on well before she even took Josh into the exam room.

So while Donna and the boys gathered their things to deplane in Wisconsin Josh was knocking lightly on the door of Jill's private office.

"Come in," she called as she wiped her face with a napkin.

"Hey doc," Josh said as he entered the room with a smile on his face. Jill stood and gave him a quick hug before giving him the usual once over from head to toe. He looked more tired than she'd seen him in a while. He was thin and in general didn't look well.

"You look like crap," she deadpanned as she motioned for him to sit. Josh sat down heavily in the leather chair, hooking his cane over the back.

"Your lack of ability to compliment a guy might be why you haven't had a date in 6 months," Josh teased. Jill just smirked at him and pushed a turkey sandwich and a bottle of iced tea in his direction. Josh didn't even bother taking a good look at the sandwich; he knew he'd just be annoyed. Jill never ordered mayo or cheese for him, just turkey, mustard, lettuce and tomato. He picked it up and took a small bite feeling Jill's eyes on him as he did. They ate for a while talking about benign subjects, how the boys did in school, where Jill was going on vacation and things like that.

"So, what brings you in?" Jill casually asked about 20 minutes later as she reached behind her to grab Josh's chart off the credenza. She put on her reading glasses and opened his chart on her laptop to see when he had last been in. It showed he'd been in during the last week of March for an ear infection.

"Looking like crap isn't enough of a reason to come in?" Josh smirked. Jill gave him the 'start talking' look. "I've been tired and run down. I shouldn't be, I mean, school's out. It's not like I'm under any stress or anything."

"How are you sleeping?"

"Fine once I actually fall asleep. At least 7 or 8 hours a night," Josh whined.

"Josh, that's what normal people sleep," she teased lightly. "Do you take a sleeping pill if you can't settle down on your own?

"Yeah, I take one once in a while. I've never needed this much sleep. And sometimes Donna even suggests that I nap," he spit out. His voice clearly conveyed his disdain at the very idea of resting in the middle of the day.

Jill did her best to hold in the laughter that threatened to spill out. "Josh, you're not as young as you used to be."

"Jill, I'm 56. Not exactly ready for the retirement home."

"No, you're not. But in the last few years your body has been through a lot of stress, physical and emotional. It all takes a toll." Josh agreed with a small nod of his head. "Still going to PT?" Another nod from Josh. "Talk with your therapist once in a while?" Another nod. "Are you having trouble speaking?" Jill sighed with mock exasperation.

"No, just enjoying my dry sandwich," Josh teased.

"It's not dry. And speaking of eating, any problems?"

"Some," was all Josh said.

"Josh, I'm not in the mood to drag everything out of you," she said seriously, but with a small smile playing across her lips. "Problems swallowing, no appetite, sick to your stomach?"

"Swallowing problems and no appetite."

"You do look a little skinny," Jill noted as she took a quick look at the chart to find his weight from the previous visit. Looking at him again she was sure he would weigh less this time. 

"Any pain?" she asked. She was purposely vague with her question. She found she got more information out of Josh that way.

"Some," Josh grudgingly admitted. "Mostly my back and hip. Some chest pain once in a while."

Jill looked up from where she was scrolling through his chart. The mere mention of chest pain got her full attention. "Chest pain? Care to elaborate?"

"Some tightness, palpitations. A little trouble catching my breath once in a while."

Jill scrolled through another couple pages of the chart. "When you had trouble with arrhythmia in the past could you actually feel it or did it just show up on the EKG? I don't remember."

"I could feel it."

"And?" Jill asked as she tossed her glasses down and looked directly at him.

"It feels the same now," Josh admitted quietly.

"OK. Then we'll get an EKG before you leave today. You about ready to go in?" Jill asked. Josh nodded and grabbed his cane. Jill set her stethoscope around her neck and followed him out of the room. She pointed towards the scale and Josh stepped onto it, handing Jill his cane. "Nice try," she smirked, "Take your shoes off." Josh kicked off his sneakers and stepped back onto the scale. "You lost 5 pounds in the last 4 months. Five pounds you couldn't afford to lose," Jill pointed out as she handed Josh his cane and leaned over to pick up his sneakers. Josh couldn't think of anything to say, he just nodded and walked into the exam room. "Shirt off, I'll be there in a minute," Jill called as she headed for the front desk for a minute. By the time she got back to the exam room Josh was fidgeting like a child, kicking his heels against the table, absently picking at his fingernails.

Jill came in and closed the door behind her. She rubbed the end of the stethoscope on her sleeve so it wasn't too cold. She listened to Josh's lungs, not really hearing anything out of the ordinary. She spent a good deal of time listening to his heart and checking his pulse. She took his blood pressure, clucking her tongue as she glanced at the read out. That didn't bode well for Josh. A quick check of his reflexes and as was usual the reflexes on his right side were not quite as good as the ones on his left side. "I can tell you're not too impressed with anything," Josh muttered.

"Not really," Jill admitted as she stood next to Josh, leaning back against the exam table. "You need to put those 5 pounds back on. We need to get your blood pressure down. And obviously I'm worried about the chest pain. So let's get an EKG and then I want to call Henry." At the mention of Henry, Josh let out a frustrated breath. The Henry was Henry Walters, his cardiologist.

An hour later, armed with the readout from the EKG machine Josh sat in Henry's waiting room. Jill had called him after doing the EKG. Not happy with what she reported, Henry asked Josh to come right over. During the cab ride to Henry's office Josh debated about calling Donna. But he decided to wait and see if there was anything really wrong. The fact that Henry wanted to see him right away wasn't a good sign, and he knew it.

Henry took a look at the EKG tracing, did a quick exam and had his nurse draw some blood. He had Josh pull his shirt back on and meet him in his office.

"OK, I'm not going to beat around the bush," Henry said as he sat down behind his desk. His no-nonsense style was something Josh liked a lot. "I'm going to go with a tentative diagnosis of atrial fibrillation, the most basic kind of arrhythmia. Care to guess the most common cause?"

"High blood pressure," sighed Josh.

"Yes. So, we're going to change your blood pressure meds and put you on Norpace to try and regulate the heart rhythm. Since we don't really know how long this has been going on I want to put you on an anticoagulant, make sure there aren't any blood clots and to reduce the likelihood of another stroke." Still a little shaky from the blood draw, Josh paled quickly and considerably at the mention of another stroke. Henry got up and grabbed Josh a bottle of water from the fridge in the corner of his office. "Here, take a drink and put your head down for a minute." Josh did as he was told, mortified at the idea of passing out. Henry sat in the chair next to him ready to catch him if he did indeed pass out. He managed not to. Josh motioned for Henry to continue. "If after a few weeks on the new meds things don't change we'll have to consider cardioversion. You know what that is?"

"You strap me to the table like Frankenstein's monster and shock me?" smirked Josh.

"Well, it's not exactly that bad. But yes, we would use a shock to restore normal cardiac rhythm."

"Sounds painful," Josh croaked as he took a sip of water.

"You'd be unconscious," Henry assured him. "I know this is a lot to digest. Is Donna in the waiting room?"

"No, she's out of town for the weekend. Do I need to have her rush home?"

"Is anyone else home?"

"Ben should be in and out. He's my nanny, the boys' nanny," Josh corrected as Henry started to smile.

"That's fine. Call me in a few days and let me know how you're doing on the meds. And I want to see you in about a week. Try to take it easy."

"Easier said than done Doc," Josh snorted. "Thanks," Josh called over his shoulder as he left the office. He checked his cell phone; he'd missed a few calls, one from Donna and one from Ben. He called Ben who was on his way out to run a few errands so he picked Josh up at the pharmacy. 

On the ride home Ben didn't push Josh to talk about what had happened at his appointments. Over the years he'd learned that when Josh was ready to talk, he would. When they got back to the house Josh disappeared into his study to call Donna while Ben went to start dinner and wait for Annie to arrive.

 

"Josh, you awake?" Annie called as she knocked on the door to the study as Ben was finishing up getting dinner on the table. It was a little before 6 and Josh hadn't come out of the study since he and Ben had arrived home a little after 3. He'd talked to Donna for over an hour, finally convincing her she didn't need to hop on the next flight home. Then, despite hating the idea, he stretched out on the couch and took a much needed nap.

"Yeah, come on in," he croaked as he reached for the bottle of water Ben had brought in earlier. Annie went in and sat down next to Josh on the couch. She patted his back for a minute as he drank enough water to talk clearly. "Hi," he said with a dimpled grin when he got his voice back. Annie gave him a quick hug. "Dinner almost ready?" Josh asked as he stood up to get his bearings before he tried to walk.

"Yeah, Ben's getting it on the table. Rough day?" Josh just nodded as he ran his hand through his hair. "Want to talk about it?" Annie asked as she slipped her arm through his and led him out of the room.

"I'll spill everything at dinner," Josh promised as he took a detour in the direction of the bathroom.

True to his promise Josh told both Ben and Annie about his appointments. He begged Ben not to hover and the younger man promised to try and do his very best. But Josh noticed Annie didn't make such a promise. When the news ended at 11:30 Josh bid them both "goodnight' and headed to his bedroom.

Josh thought he was tired enough to fall right to sleep but soon found that wasn't too likely. He turned the light on and paced around the bedroom for a while but as usual found that pacing with the cane in his hand wasn't very relaxing. He put his glasses back on and curled up in the chair to read for a while. He spent the next few hours reading, dozing, thinking and worrying.

********************

"What was that?" Annie whispered harshly against the quiet of the bedroom.

"It's just Josh in the kitchen," Ben muttered sleepily as he reached out and pulled Annie against his chest.

"Oh my God, we woke him up," Annie said as she rolled over to the other side of the bed and flipped on the light.

"You didn't scream THAT loud," Ben teased. Even in the dim light he could see Annie was blushing deeply.

"That's not funny," Annie said as she reached out to smack him on the shoulder. "I'll never be able to look him in the eye again," she groaned.

"Nothing wakes Josh, he sleeps like the dead," Ben pointed out. "When he finally gives in to his need for sleep, that is," he added. "What time is it?"

"A little after 2," said Annie as she glanced at the clock. 

"He probably hasn't fallen asleep yet," Ben muttered as he slipped the sheet down a little to get a better look at his girlfriend.

"Benjamin," she hissed as she pulled the sheet back up and reached to pull his chin up so he was looking at her face.

"Annie, calm down. I'm sure he's just getting a drink or something. Don't worry about it." Just as he got those words out they heard a small thud and a muffled curse come from the kitchen. 

"Should we check on him?" Annie asked.

"I'm not going out there. I promised not to hover."

"I didn't," Annie said as she reached over the side of the bed to find her t-shirt and her underwear. She slipped both of them on and turned to head out the door when Ben's voice stopped her.

"Uh, Annie, you might want to grab my bathrobe," he teased as he pointed to her t-shirt, which barely met the top of her panties.

"Go-good idea," she stuttered as she grabbed his plaid bathrobe off the hook behind the door.

"Good luck," Ben called as he turned over to go back to sleep.

 

"Josh, you ok?" Annie called softly as she entered the kitchen.

"Yeah," Josh muttered without turning to look at her. He was sitting on one of the stools with his elbows on the island. His chin rested on his clasped hands and there was a bottle of Snapple in front of him, probably the source of the earlier thud. 

"Couldn't sleep?" Annie asked as she walked around the island and leaned against the island opposite Josh. 

"I think I dozed for a while in the chair," Josh muttered as he took a sip of his iced tea. "Don't worry, it's decaf," he said as he set it back down.

"Good," Annie teased lightly. She put her elbows down and her chin in her hands, mirroring Josh's position. He smiled just enough to show his dimples.

"What?" he asked.

"You tell me," she said hoping he would open up a little. But in the nearly twenty years she'd known him, he had rarely opened up without a fight. 

"I just couldn't sleep. Nothing new about that," he sighed.

"Come on, let's go," Annie said suddenly as she grabbed Josh by the wrist.

"It's the middle of the night. Where are we going?" Josh asked as he reluctantly slid off the stool. Annie grabbed the afghans off the couch and led Josh out the front door. "The swing?" he asked as she sat down on the swing at the end of the porch. Annie nodded and they settled down under the afghans. Annie tucked her feet under her while Josh started the swing with his foot.

Annie's first memory of Josh was meeting him at her grandparents' farm in Manchester. She had been about 9 or 10 at the time. Josh had just joined the campaign and was still trying to find his footing. She had accidentally interrupted a meeting in her grandfather's study and had been sent out of the room in a tone that her grandfather later regretted. She had gone outside and curled up on the porch swing with a book. An hour later Josh had come out to get a breath of fresh air. He'd had a handful of cookies with him and shared them with Annie. The two bonded instantly and became fast friends. Josh would call her from the road and send her little gifts from the cities he visited on the campaign. As she got older he became a sounding board for Annie about subjects as varied as boys, school and life in the political eye.

"So, it's been a while since we first shared a swing," Josh said with a smile as he remembered a little girl with red hair and freckles who charmed him out of his cookies.

"It has. And if I recall that day correctly, you didn't have much to say then either," Annie teased.

"You were ten. How do you even remember that day?"

"Well, a girl tends to remember her first crush," Annie said with a big smirk on her face.

"And it's nice to see you still have good taste," Josh shot back as he hitched his thumb in the general direction of Ben's room. He grew silent again as he leaned back and glanced up at the stars.

"Josh, it's 2:30 in the morning. Start talking," Annie said as she poked his leg with her bare foot.

"I'm scared," he whispered as he started to fidget.

"I know."

"I'm 56 years old and I'm scared to death I won't see my kids grow up. How much more crap am I going to have to put up with?" Josh whined.

"Well, some people say we're only given what we can handle."

"And you think I've handled myself through all the sh...through everything I've been through?" Josh asked.

"I do. You've always come out on the other side," Annie whispered.

"Not always in one piece," Josh muttered as he held up his cane with a look of disdain on his face.

Annie reached for his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "You have people to help you. People who love you very much. You just need to remember not to push us away."

"I'll try," Josh promised as he did his best to stifle a yawn. They sat for a while longer, swinging and talking until Josh's eyes started to drift shut.

"Josh, go to bed," Annie said as she leaned over and kissed his cheek. She helped him to his feet and handed him his cane.

"Thanks," he called sleepily over his shoulder as he headed back inside.

*****************

When Ben got up a little after 8 the next morning he was surprised to find he was the first one up. He didn't remember Annie coming back to bed and wondered how long she was up talking to Josh. Padding into the kitchen he flicked on the television on the counter and started the coffee maker. By the time the coffee was done he heard Josh heading down the hall.

"Morning," Josh muttered as he passed by on his way to grab the paper off the front porch. He came back in absently glancing at the headlines while Ben poured him a cup of coffee. 

"Did you get any sleep?" Ben asked as he put the carton of milk in front of Josh.

"Some. Annie and I went out on the swing for a while," Josh said. "It's something we used to do when she was little," he explained.

"Yeah, she's told me all about it," Ben assured him.

"We talked for a while. Eventually I was exhausted enough to fall asleep."

"You know Josh, there are pills for that. In fact there are pills in your bathroom for that very problem," Ben teased.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Josh muttered as he turned his attention towards the paper, putting an end to the conversation. 

Annie got up a little while later and Ben made everyone breakfast. As predicted Josh was pretty quiet but neither Ben nor Annie pushed him to open up. They knew it was a losing battle. They had made plans to go into the city and visit a few museums. "Why don't you come with us?" Ben suggested.

"No thanks. I don't need a babysitter. And you two don't need me getting in the way of your romantic plans," Josh teased. "I'll be fine by myself. Have fun." With that he left the kitchen and headed to take a shower.

With the house to himself for the first time in longer than he could remember Josh headed for his study and put on a Jimmy Buffett CD. He cleaned off the top of his desk, did some insurance paperwork and answered his emails. He tried his best not to dwell on the news he'd been given the day before. And for the most part he did pretty well, until Donna called to check up on him. Being hundreds of miles away it was understandable that she was having a hard time dealing with things. Josh did his best to reassure her that he would be fine. Eventually he talked her out of calling the airline and booking the next flight out of Wisconsin. Josh talked to both of the boys who were on their way out to go swimming with their cousins.

A little after 1:00 Josh wandered into the kitchen. He wasn't particularly hungry but Jill's words about trying to regain the weight he'd lost echoed in his head. A quick glance in the fridge yielded nothing that looked remotely appetizing. It wasn't as if the refrigerator was empty, there was plenty of food, but Josh's appetite was non-existent. Lack of appetite and problems swallowing were both things Josh had struggled with ever since the stroke. Both seemed to come and go with no real warning or regularity. The swallowing problems were easier to deal with, Donna just stocked up on the ice cream. Not having an appetite was harder to deal with. Donna tried her best not to nag her husband as if he were one of the kids but at times it was very difficult.

Josh pulled a carton of Ben and Jerry's out of the freezer figuring it was high in calories and likely to go down easy. He grabbed a spoon out of the dish drainer and took the ice cream out to the deck. It was a beautiful day out. The humidity that had enveloped the city the previous week was gone, leaving behind a relatively cool breeze, which made it much easier for Josh to breathe.

Forty-five minutes later, having eaten no more than half a cup of ice cream, Josh headed back inside. He was starting to get restless, more so than usual. He tossed the ice cream carton back in the freezer and wandered around the house trying to hold back the panic he felt growing inside. 

The panic attacks had been few and far between for months. But with all that had happened in the past 24 hours, coupled with the fact that Donna wasn't around, Josh knew there was little hope that he'd be able to quickly work through the panic. He made a cup of tea and curled up in the overstuffed chair in the corner of the bedroom. The breathing exercises he'd been using for years proved to be rather useless, as did the old trick of trying to distract himself by reading. He stretched out on the bed hugging Donna's pillow to his chest. The lingering scent of her perfume filled his nose. Instead of comforting him, it made him miss his wife all the more. Hot tears he'd been doing his best to hold back spilled out and he sobbed as he hadn't sobbed in a long, long time. 

With the panic started to fade away and the tears drying Josh settled down on his back. He forced himself to breathe slowly and deeply as he pressed his hand over his heart. It was beating irregularly, mocking him, making him deeply aware of his mortality. But instead of causing another round of panic and tears he felt strangely calm, resigned to whatever was going to happen. It didn't make any sense but Josh wasn't going to question it. He eventually drifted off, curled up in a ball, clutching Donna's pillow.

****************

"Maybe you should call and check on Josh," Annie said as she and Ben left the American History Museum.

"Annie, he's a grown man. If he needs something he has my cell phone number. I'm sure he's enjoying the peace and quiet," Ben said as he took her hand and led her towards the street. "Where to?"

Annie glanced at her watch, it was a little before 5. "How about an early dinner?"

"Sounds good. Your choice."

Half an hour later they were settled in at a table for two at America in Union Station. 

"So how's your Grandfather? Josh said he was having a little trouble last week."

"He had an episode, as he calls it. Grandma says he'll be fine. I talked to him yesterday. He sounded tired. The episodes just seem to take so much out of him lately. I should try to get up there. I haven't been there since we were there in March. Just seems like things are so busy lately. Between work, trying to work on the house and you, there are not enough hours in the day," she replied as she reached to give Ben's hand a squeeze.

"Why don't we make plans to go up there in a few weeks? You have some vacation time coming up right?" Annie nodded. "We can take a long weekend."

"Let's see what's up with Josh first. They might need you here," Annie pointed out.

"Yeah, good idea."

"When does Donna come back?"

"She's booked on a flight getting in on Monday afternoon, if she hasn't already jumped on the next plane."

"Do you think this will end well?" Annie asked.

"Josh?" Annie nodded. "I don't know. All I know is, the Lyman's are the strongest family I have ever known. They always seem to handle what life throws at them."

"That's pretty much what I told Josh last night," Annie grinned. "We went out on the swing for a while. Eventually he was exhausted enough to fall asleep."

"Yeah, he told me this morning. Should I be jealous? We hardly spend any time on the front porch swing," Ben teased with a well-arched eyebrow. "A girl never forgets her first crush."

"I should have never told you about that," groaned Annie as the waitress brought their food. 

*****************

Josh woke from a vague nightmare around 6. Despite having slept for hours he still felt worn out and achy. He glanced out the window and noticed Annie's car wasn't in the driveway. He gave half a thought to getting up and doing something but the lingering exhaustion won out and he closed his eyes again.

 

"Josh?" Annie called as they came in the front door. Not getting an answer she wandered down the hall towards the bedroom. The door wasn't closed all the way so she peeked her head in. Josh was curled up facing away from the door. He started to stir at the sound of her voice.

"Donna?" he called, clearly still half asleep.

"No Josh, it's Annie. You ok?" she asked as she came into the room.

"I think so," he whispered as he moved over a little on the bed.

"You don't look it," Annie teased lightly as she perched next to him on the edge of the bed. In the fading daylight she could see the tear tracks on his cheeks and the dark circles under his eyes. She reached to press her hand against his forehead. He was cool.

"What time is it?" Josh asked as he sat up. He rubbed his eyes, struggling to clear his head and gain some sense of time and space.

"A little after 8. Did you eat anything?" Annie asked although she was sure she knew the answer to that question.

"Not really. I've been asleep for....for quite a while," Josh answered. The fact that he'd just taken a 5 hour nap was not something he really wanted to admit.

"How about you get up and I'll make you something to eat?" Annie offered hopefully. Josh agreed with a half-hearted smile. "Good. Why don't you go splash some water on your face and I'll make you some eggs."

"Deal," said Josh with a grin. "Thanks."

"You're more than welcome," Annie assured him as she picked up his empty mug and headed for the kitchen. 

"Josh ok?" Ben asked as he grabbed a can of Coke out of the fridge.

"I don't know. I think he slept for a while but he still looks a little...I don't know..."

"Crappy," Ben muttered, completing her thought. Annie just nodded.

While Annie made Josh some scrambled eggs and toast Ben and Josh watched baseball on ESPN. She handed Josh the plate of food and sat down with Ben on the couch. Josh managed to get down most of the food, despite the fact that he was being watched carefully.

When the game went into extra innings and commanded the complete attention of Ben and Josh, Annie excused herself and went to bed.

"Did you draw the short straw? Is it your turn to babysit?" Josh asked. While his tone had a sarcastic edge his dimpled smile gave away his true feelings.

"Nah, I'm just watching the game," Ben muttered. As the Orioles pitcher retired the last batter in the top of the tenth he got up to grab a drink from the kitchen. "You want anything?"

"Snapple," Josh muttered as he took advance of the commercial break to flick the channel to CNN to see if anything major had happened in the world in the 20 minutes since he'd last check the crawl. "So how were the museums?" Josh asked when Ben came back.

"Good, we had a nice time," Ben answered, a little too quickly.

"Ah. So how many times did she want to call and check on me?"

"I lost count," Ben muttered under his breath.

"Sorry about that," Josh said sincerely.

"Don't worry about it. We have all day tomorrow. Annie doesn't have to go back to Baltimore until Monday morning."

"So you don't need to sit up with me. Go to bed, have fun," Josh teased.

"You'll be ok?" Ben asked.

"I'm a big boy. I can entertain myself," Josh assured him.

"Ok. Don't stay up too late," Ben teased as he headed for his room. Annie was already asleep by that time. But just curling up with her was enough for Ben. He didn't share his room with Annie all that often, when the boys were home Annie slept in the guest room. She curled herself around Ben without fully waking up. Ben kissed her cheek and pulled her close.

 

The game ended in the bottom of the 11th inning with the Orioles finally winning on a throwing error from second base. Josh hauled himself out of the recliner and carried the empty Snapple bottle to the kitchen. He pitched it in the recycling can, cringing as it echoed loudly through the quiet room. He headed to the bathroom, took his pills and brushed his teeth. Having slept away the better part of the afternoon he knew that sleep wasn't going to be quick in coming. He opened the medicine cabinet again and rooted around until he found the bottle of sleeping pills. Taking them was not something Josh liked to do. In fact he only took them about half as much as he should, something he and Donna argued about at least twice a month. Deciding he just wasn't tired yet Josh turned around and leaned over to start the water in the tub. He found the bottle of cranky baby bubbles under the sink and poured in a generous amount. As the tub filled he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and a pair of boxers from his dresser. Just as he was about to step into the tub the phone rang. It was Donna.

Josh settled down into the warm water and bubbles. He talked to Donna for almost an hour. She'd just gotten the boys in bed and was looking to escape the company of her slightly overbearing parents. She was anxious to get home but knew Josh was in good hands with Ben and Annie hanging around for the weekend. When the sleeping pill began to kick in and Josh started to yawn she convinced him to hang up and get into bed.

It was a little before midnight when Josh drifted off.


	2. Chapter 2

Fully expecting a nightmare to interrupt the night, Josh was surprised to wake up to the sun the next morning. He sat up and reached for his glasses. It was still early, a little before 7. Feeling well rested for the first time in weeks Josh got up, threw on shorts and a t-shirt and shuffled out to the kitchen. He made coffee, read the paper and caught the morning headlines on CNN before Annie and Ben even woke up.

After some effort Josh convinced Ben and Annie to just go ahead with the plans they'd made to meet up with some of Ben's friends from law school. The agreed on the condition that Josh call if he needed anything.

Like a child allowed to stay home for the first time Josh did things he won't normally do if Donna and the boys were home. He blasted the stereo, drank orange juice out of the carton and in general left a mess in his wake. Knowing Donna would be home just in time for dinner the following day he made a pan of lasagna and made sure he had enough green matter to make a proper salad. 

By the time he'd cleaned the kitchen and made himself eat something it was a little after 3. He grabbed a beer from the fridge, a book from his study and headed out to the deck. He managed to read a chapter and finish the beer before drifting off, dreaming of a world where he didn't need a cane, didn't worry about his blood pressure and didn't panic over seemingly benign things.

The rest of Josh's peaceful solitude was spent cleaning up the various messes he'd made during the day, doing a load of laundry and returning a few emails.

Ben and Annie returned home a little after 11 to find Josh sound asleep on the couch in the family room, glasses still on, remote in his hand. Ben roused him enough to steer him in the general direction of the bedroom.

 

The next morning Josh was up early. He ate quickly and headed off to physical therapy. He didn't push himself quite as hard as he usually did in therapy, something the therapist noticed right away. Josh explained what was going on with the usual shrug of his shoulders. Tired and sore, but happy to have made at least a little progress in therapy Josh headed for his favorite coffee shop to grab something for lunch and to kill some time before Donna was due home. He lingered at the counter over his third cup of coffee, talking to the waitress and flipping through the newspaper.

By 4 in the afternoon Josh had planted himself on the front porch swing waiting for Donna. Ben had offered to pick her up at the airport but she didn't see the need, she was perfectly capable of hailing a cab for herself. So Josh convinced Ben to go to New Jersey to visit his parents since the boys were still away. Ben was reluctant to leave Josh alone but Donna assured him it would be fine.

As much as they both tried to hold their emotions in check as the cab pulled up to the house neither Josh nor Donna did of very good job of it. By the time Josh managed to toss the driver some money the tears were flowing down both their faces. Josh picked up Donna's suitcase and carried it into the house, dropping it in the corner of the foyer. Donna reached out to him, folding him into her embrace.

Worried that Josh wouldn't be able to keep himself upright much longer Donna started to steer him towards the couch but instead he tugged on her hand, pulling her towards their bedroom. "Are you sure?" Donna asked as took in his tired appearance. Josh nodded and there was just something in his eyes, something needy, helpless and undeniably sexy all at the same time.

"Okay," Donna whispered as she reached to pull Josh's faded Harvard t-shirt over his head. They stumbled into the bedroom, somehow making it to the bed without tripping over their clothes or each other. 

It was rare that their lovemaking was so completely and utterly lacking in tenderness and sweetness. They met in a tangle of long limbs and half discarded clothes. No words of endearment, no unnecessary foreplay. Just sex, basic and primal.

"Josh," Donna whispered as she reached down to pull the sheet over them. "As much as I enjoyed that, and I'm certainly not complaining, but where did that come from?" she asked curiously. Josh just shrugged his shoulders. Putting his feelings into words would have taken more energy than he had at the time. He was still basically trying to catch his breath. "You'll try to explain later?" Josh just nodded before rolling onto his back. Donna pressed a kiss at the top of the scar on his chest before resting her head over his heart. It was still beating wildly and she couldn't help but wonder if it was because of their recent activities or from one of so many medical problems that kept creeping up on him, forever keeping him guessing as to the state of his health.

As Josh drifted off and his heartbeat slowed Donna could actually hear and feel the irregularity with which it beat. She made a mental note to call Jill in the morning for a little information and a lot of reassurance. 

Donna slipped on a pair of shorts and Josh's Harvard t-shirt and wandered into the kitchen in search of something to eat. She was pleasantly surprised to find the lasagna Josh had made the day before. She put it in the oven, made a salad and opened a bottle of wine. By the time Josh woke up an hour later she was on her third glass and dancing around the kitchen to Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville. Josh watched her for a few minutes before she noticed he was there. Donna gave him a big grin when she saw him leaning against the doorjamb wearing nothing but a pair of cargo shorts. Despite the gray hair, receding hairline, the surgical scar that bisected his chest and the fact that he was a good 10 pounds underweight Donna had never found him more attractive than she did at that moment. She took a sip of wine and crossed to room towards him. Josh pulled her in close so he could lick away the drop of wine that clung to her upper lip. 

One kiss led to another until Josh was forced to take a step back and catch his breath. "You trying to kill me?" he teased. The words just slipped out and the teasing fell flat.

"That's not funny, Joshua, not at all." Donna said as she turned away from him. She put the wine glass on the counter and busied herself by cutting the loaf of Italian bread. Josh walked up behind her and took the knife out of her hands. Gently turning her around he put his hands on her shoulders.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as he softly kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry."

"I know. It's just that I still haven't quite digested all of this."

"I know what you mean. Why don't we just try to forget about it for one night? We're all alone, I made this great meal, let's just enjoy it," Josh said with a little smirk. "Deal?"

"Deal."

The two of them made a large dent in the lasagna. For the first time in weeks Josh actually had seconds. They polished off the bottle of wine Donna had started as well as most of another bottle. Donna had given Josh a reprieve and didn't nag him about his sensitive system. She figured she needed to be at work in the morning, he could moan and groan all by himself.

 

"So what was that all about earlier?" Donna asked hours later as she curled up in bed next to Josh. 

"I don't know. I guess the need to feel alive was a little overwhelming," Josh said as he tried his best to explain what he had been feeling.

"It's understandable," Donna assured him as she brushed back his hair and kissed his forehead. Josh nodded, not trusting his voice. He yawned as he settled down with his head on Donna's shoulder. "Just sleep honey, you're so tired," she whispered as she pulled the sheet up and over them.

For once sleep came quickly to Josh and Donna was the one left wide-awake well after midnight. She crept out of bed and went to make herself a cup of tea. Wandering around the house did nothing to bring her any closer to sleep so she went into Josh's study and turned on the laptop.

An hour later she had more information than she knew what to do with about atrial fibrillation, anticoagulants, cardioversion and high blood pressure. Donna also noticed that Josh probably shouldn't have been drinking with the meds he was taking but she wasn't going to call him on it. She put the printouts in a file folder and put it in "her" drawer of the desk, the only organized drawer in the antique oak desk that had once belonged to Josh's father. She picked up a picture of the four of them from the corner of Josh's desk. It had been taken a little over three years earlier, right before Josh had suffered the stroke. She thought about all the changes that taken place in Josh since then. There were so many, physical and emotional. But as their friends and family constantly reminded them, they were coping, they were flourishing, they were adapting to whatever life threw at them.

Finally a little after 2 Donna crawled back into bed. Josh immediately reached out to her, molding himself against her, seeking comfort even in sleep.

*************

The rest of the week passed by more or less uneventfully. Josh did fairly well on the new meds. The Norpace made him slightly dizzy a few times and the anticoagulant worked quickly to thin his blood, as evidenced by the 20 minutes it took him to get a paper cut to stop bleeding. But other than those few minor annoyances Josh managed ok. He was glad to have the time alone. He spent time reading, cooking and puttering around the house. He went into the city to visit old haunts and meet up with Matt Skinner for lunch.

On Friday Donna went to work early so she could get some things done before she met Josh for his appointment with Henry. They sat in the waiting room a little before noon. Like Jill, Henry had scheduled the appointment for lunchtime so he wouldn't be rushed. But unlike Jill, he didn't supply food. 

After doing a quick but thorough exam, including a repeat EKG, Henry led Josh and Donna into his office. As usual he got right to the point. "Well, I had hoped to see some kind of change for the better. The EKG looks the same. We could give the meds another week or two to work but I honestly don't think that will happen," he explained. He paused for a minute to let Josh and Donna digest that news.

"So now what?" Donna asked as she reached for Josh's hand.

"I'd like to set up the cardioversion for late next week. As horrible as it sounds, being shocked an all; it's really not a big procedure. Josh, you'll be admitted for the day. I'll try to get you in early as you will have to fast. You'll get some IV fluids and your vitals will be closely monitored. We'll give you a strong, short acting sedative, you won't feel anything. When it's over you'll be moved to recovery and stay for a few hours. You'll probably go home late that afternoon."

"No big deal?" Josh asked swallowing hard. Henry shook his head. Josh got the distinct feeling there was more to it. "I'm sensing a big BUT," Josh said with a wry grin.

"Yes, there is a BUT to the whole thing. Because you'll only be on the anticoagulant for 2 weeks I'm going to need to make sure there aren't any clots in the heart."

"I'm not going to like how you check for them, am I?" Josh asked with a groan.

"Not particularly. I need to do a Transesophageal Echo."

"That doesn't sound uh, pleasant," croaked Josh.

"It's uncomfortable. As with the cardioversion you'll be admitted for the day. A flexible endoscope is passed through your mouth and into your esophagus so we can get a better look at your heart. It's the best procedure to check for clots."

"Will I be knocked out?"

"Lightly sedated. We'll put in an IV and give you some Valium. When the tube is inserted you won't really be able to feel it, but you'll be asked to swallow a few times to help get it down."

"And that's when the unpleasant part starts?" Josh guessed.

"Yeah. You'll be given something to gargle with to numb your throat and we'll spray it with an anesthetic beforehand but I would be lying if I said it's no big deal. Since you do tend to have trouble swallowing and you have a pretty strong gag reflex it may not be, uh pretty. You will fast the night before lessening the chance of vomiting and we use a suction tube like the dentist uses but I imagine you won't like me too much by the time I'm done," Henry said with a grin.

"Doesn't sound like it. How soon will I go home?"

"You'll be monitored for a few hours after. When you've completely recovered from the sedative and you've eaten something, and kept it down, we'll let you go. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I ended up keeping you overnight."

"Sounds like two rather crappy days," muttered Josh.

"Yeah, they will be. If you'd like I can schedule them for Thursday and Friday and basically just let you check in to the hospital with the intention of staying Thursday night. We can just leave you on IV fluids. If you have trouble eating it won't be as big of a deal. If something should show up on the echo and we're not able to do the cardioversion then we'll let you go home Thursday night. Does that sound okay?" Josh and Donna looked at each other and then nodded. "Alright, I'll have Susan make the arrangements. She'll give you a call when everything is set up. She'll give you some instructions too. If you have any questions just call me. You have my cell number if you need anything over the weekend?"

"Yes, thank you," Josh said as he took a deep breath and let it out with a frustrated sigh.

"Have a good weekend. Try to relax," Henry said as he stood up and held his hand out to Josh.

"We'll try," Donna said, answering for both of them. Josh excused himself to use the bathroom while she headed out to Susan's desk to get Josh's instructions.

Josh came out of the restroom and found Donna waiting by Susan's desk. He exchanged the quickest of pleasantries before leaving the office. Donna talked to Susan for a few more minutes, giving Josh some time to himself. She found him standing against the wall by the elevator absently tapping his cane against the marble floor in a rhythm as irregular as his heartbeat.

"Ready to go?" she asked as she reached for his hand. Josh just nodded and pushed himself away from the wall. "Are you hungry?" she asked.

"Not really," Josh muttered. Donna didn't push the issue. 

"I have to go back to the office. You want to come with me?"

"Come to work with you? What is it, take your invalid husband to work day?" Josh snorted as he pushed open the door and walked out onto the sidewalk. 

"Josh," Donna warned with nothing more than his name.

"I'm just going to take a walk," Josh said as he waved in the general direction of the Lincoln Memorial. It was his favorite place to sit and think.

"OK. How about we go out and get dinner later?" 

"Sounds good. I'm sorry. I just...I just need to be alone for a little while," Josh whispered as he took Donna by the hands and pulled her close.

"It's fine Josh," she reassured him with a quick hug. "Come to my office when you're ready." Josh headed for the Lincoln Memorial and Donna hoped on the Metro to return to the Capitol. 

 

Donna sat at her desk with a heavy sigh. Her assistant Megan appeared out of nowhere with a sandwich, a cup of coffee and her phone messages. "You okay?" she asked as Donna rubbed her eyes and reached for the bottle of Advil she kept in her top drawer.

"Josh has to have a couple of medical procedures done next week. See what you can do about rescheduling Thursday and Friday."

"Is he going to be okay?"

"Hopefully. He's not handling it too well and I don't know how to help him."

"Sure you do, you always know how to help him," Megan assured her. "How about a little back up? Would you like me to get Abbey Bartlet on the phone?"

"You read my mind," Donna said with a grin.

Donna talked to Abbey for a long time. Although Henry had done a good job of explaining everything Abbey took time to go over both the procedures again. She tried her best to reassure Donna that the procedures were both in Josh's best interest. As usually happened by the time Donna got off the phone she'd calmed down considerably. Abbey promised to call the house later to talk to Josh.

******************

"Josh, Abbey's on the phone," Donna called down the hall towards the bedroom.

"Got it," he yelled back as he picked up the extension on the nightstand. He curled up in the chair.

"So how's my favorite patient?" Abbey asked as she sat down on the front porch swing of her Manchester farmhouse.

"Tired of being the patient," Josh snorted.

"I know sweetie. I talked to Donna this afternoon. She told me what's going on. I think Henry's making the right choice. It's what I would suggest under these circumstances."

Abbey talked to Josh for another half an hour. She explained everything to him just as she had done to Donna. As always he was grateful for the time Abbey spent going over things with him. 

Donna came to check on him just as he was hanging up. She slid onto his lap, resting her head on his shoulder, her long legs hanging over the arm of the chair. 

"You okay?" she whispered as she reached to tip Josh's chin a little so she could look into his tired eyes. He gave a weak and not very convincing nod. Donna kissed his forehead and held him close. When she finally felt him relax in her embrace she let herself relax for what felt like the first time all day. As his breathing started to even out she nudged him enough to get him tucked into bed.

*********************

Late Wednesday afternoon found Josh sitting on the back deck. Donna was due home for dinner shortly and he had just started the grill. As he had no idea when he'd feel like eating again he was going to enjoy a burnt hamburger for dinner. Just as he sat down on the steps of the deck he heard the front door close. "I'm out here," he yelled over his shoulder.

"Okay," Donna called back. "I'll be out in a minute." Josh didn't make an effort to get up; he knew Donna wouldn't be long.

"Someone call for a doctor?" came a voice from the back door. Josh chuckled and grabbed the railing to pull himself up.

"Abbey," he whispered as he crossed the deck. Hugging her so hard he lifted her a few inches off the deck.

"Put me down," she said as she playfully slapped his shoulder. Josh put her down and kissed her cheek.

"What are you doing here?"

"I thought you and Donna might need a friend over the next few days. And who better than a friend with a little cardiac experience?" Abbey smirked as she glanced over at the grill, grinning at Josh's choice of meal.

"Hot dog or hamburger?" he asked.

"Hamburger, not burnt," she teased.

"So did you and my wife cook up this little surprise?" Josh asked as he tossed the food on the grill.

"We did," Donna answered as she stepped out on the deck carrying the potato salad and rolls. She put the food down and kissed Josh on the cheek. "I talked to Abbey on Friday and it didn't take her long to notice I was about to have a 'nutty'. So she offered to come down," Donna explained.

"Uh, where's Jed?" Josh asked suddenly realizing that Abbey seemed to have traveled alone, which was rare for her.

"I left him at home."

"Alone?" Josh asked.

"Are you crazy?" Abbey teased. "Leo's with him. Although the two of them can probably get into more trouble than Jed could get into by himself. He wasn't quite up to making the trip physically and I thought it would be easier on all of us emotionally if he stayed home." Although she didn't elaborate on her explanation it was enough for Josh and Donna to know what she meant. It was very hard for Jed to see Josh struggle physically. That fact was nothing new, it had been that way since the shooting in Rosslyn. But as Jed's own health was starting to decline more rapidly Abbey tried to keep him out of stressful situations.

Josh put the rest of the food on the table and they sat down to a surprisingly relaxing meal. They all made an effort to keep the conversation light. There were no mentions of hospitals, procedures or high blood pressure. When they were done eating Donna excused herself to do the dishes and answer some emails. Josh stretched out in the lounge chair. Abbey pulled her chair out from the table and sat next to him, propping her feet next to his.

"How are you doing?" Abbey asked as she reached for her glass of iced tea.

"Honestly?" Abbey nodded. "I'm terrified," Josh said simply.

"Then you're doing just fine," Abbey teased lightly. "It's perfectly normally. There is no reason to think the cardioversion won't work."

"That's not what I'm worried about," Josh admitted. "I'll be knocked out for that. I don't know if I can do the echo."

"You can," Abbey assured him as she got up from her chair and sat down on the edge of the lounge chair next to Josh's legs. You'll get a nice dose of Valium. It doesn't last that long. The worst part is getting the scope down."

"And that's the part I can't handle. Abbey, I have enough trouble eating solid food, how the hell am I supposed to swallow some tube of plastic?"

"Your throat will be numb, you won't feel much."

"I'll gag," Josh protested.

Abbey quickly realized she was about to engage in a losing battle. No matter what she said Josh was convinced he was going to have trouble with the test. And if she was honest with herself, she didn't really think he was going to handle it well. 

"Can you do something for me?" Josh asked quietly.

"What Josh?" Abbey asked as she reached to grab his hand.

"I feel like such a baby even asking," he started with a sigh. Abbey motioned for him to continue. "Can you come with me tomorrow?"

"To the hospital? Sure I was planning on it."

"No can you come in for the...the thing?" Josh asked as he glanced away from Abbey.

"I'd be happy to. But I can't promise anything. I'll talk to Henry in the morning." Henry Walters and Abbey Bartlet were old friends and she didn't really think it would be a problem but she didn't wanted to make a promise she wasn't sure she could keep.

"Thank you," Josh whispered.

He and Abbey sat for a little while until Donna appeared in the doorway with the portable phone. "Abbey, Jed's on the phone." 

Abbey stood up, kissed the top of Josh's head and patted his shoulder. "Get some sleep."

Donna stretched out next to Josh on the lounge chair, tangling her long legs with his and resting her head against his chest. It became apparent rather quickly that Josh was not in the mood to talk much. And that was fine; Donna was having trouble coming up with words of reassurance. They watched the stars come out, each making the same silent wish.


	3. Chapter 3

Josh was up at 5 the next morning. Since he wasn't able to eat anything he was ready in no time at all. He was out on the porch swing reading the paper by the time Donna got up at 5:30. Knowing him as she did she just stuck her head out the front door to let him know she was up. She knew he wouldn't be in the mood to talk.

The three arrived at the hospital a little before 7. While Josh changed into a gown and got settled Abbey tracked down Henry. He didn't have any problem with her accompanying Josh. In fact, he thought it might make things much easier on everyone.

By 8 Josh had an IV in his hand and had had a nice dose of Valium. Henry came in to check on him about ten minutes later. "Doing okay?" Henry asked. Josh just nodded a little. "I see you had a little Valium," teased Henry as Josh struggled to keep his eyes focused. 

"Yep."

"Okay, Julie the nurse is going to come back in. She's going to hook you up to the monitors, heart, blood pressure, pulse ox. She'll give you something to gargle with. It will numb your throat a little and then we'll spray it with a stronger anesthetic right before we start. We'll then move you to the cardiac lab and get this over with. Any questions?"

"Abbey?"

"She'll be in there with you. If you need me to explain anything along the way or you want me to slow down just let me know. Okay?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

Half an hour later Josh was moved into the cardiac lab. "Mr. Lyman can you..." Julie stated as she put her hand on Josh's shoulder.

"Josh."

"Okay, Josh. Sit up for a minute so I can spray your throat." Josh managed to sit himself up despite a weak right side and the various monitors attached to him. He stuck out his tongue and Julie sprayed his throat. As predicted Josh gagged a little. "Here," Julie said as she handed him a small basin, just in case. She hooked the oxygen tubing over his ears and adjusted the nasal prongs. "Sit for minute, take some deep breaths." Abbey came in a minute later; she sat with Josh and calmed him down a little.

"Okay Josh, I need you to scoot all the way over to the right side of the table and then roll over onto your left side. Bring your knees up a little to balance yourself," instructed Henry who had just come into the room. Josh did as he was told. Julie and Abbey adjusted the various tubes and monitor wires to get them out of the way. "You ready?" Josh nodded weakly. Henry picked up the tube and showed it to Josh. "See, it's not all that big." Josh didn't quite see it that way. The irregular beeping of the heart monitor sped up instantly. Henry glanced over Josh and caught Abbey's eye with look that said, "oh boy". "Josh, I haven't even touched you," Henry said, hoping that light teasing was the way to go. 

"Sorry," Josh said with a slightly loopy grin. 

"Abbey, can you stand over here?" Henry asked as he pointed towards a spot at the head of the bed. Abbey moved to stand there. She put her right hand on the back of Josh's neck and reached to take his left hand in hers. She adjusted the pulse ox clip and nodded towards Henry.

"Okay. Josh, open your mouth and try to relax. Breathe through your mouth and swallow when I say," Henry said as he scooted his stool closer towards Josh. "Okay, swallow once," he instructed. Josh tried but couldn't. "Josh," he said firmly, "You need to get this down. You're throat's numb, you can't feel it."

"I know," Josh sputtered miserably.

"Let's try a little more Valium," Henry said as he caught Julie's eye. She injected another dose into the IV tubing.

Abbey stopped rubbing the back of Josh's neck and moved her hand to cup his chin. Leaning over a little she met Josh's eyes. "You can do it," she whispered. She softly ran her fingers under his chin for a minute trying to get him to relax a little. "Ready?" Josh gave a determined nod.

Henry tried again and after a little gagging on Josh's part they finally got the scope down. "Okay, it's in," he said with a little sigh. He stuck the thin suction tube in the corner of Josh's mouth. "You can close your mouth for a minute. Breathe through your nose." Josh relaxed a little and the irregular beating of the heart monitor slowed slightly. When Josh was sufficiently calmed down Henry proceeded with the test.

"We're done," Henry announced 20 minutes later. "I'll review the tape but I didn't see any clots. We should be fine to do the cardioversion in the morning. You ready to get this tube out?" Josh could only nod. "Okay, on the count of three, breathe out through your mouth." Henry counted, pulled the tube free and set it aside. Julie handed Abbey a basin as Josh sputtered and coughed. He spit a few times but didn't get sick. Abbey brushed back his hair and calmed him down a little.

***********************

Henry found Donna alone in the waiting room down the hall. She was absently stirring her now cold cup of coffee. "Donna," he called softly from the doorway, hoping not to startle her. Despite his efforts she jumped to her feet nearly dumping the coffee in the process. Henry grabbed the Styrofoam cup and motioned for her to sit back down.

"Sorry," Donna whispered.

"It's okay. You can calm down Donna, I didn't see any sign of clots," Henry assured her.

"Oh thank God," Donna said as she put her head in her hands for a minute.

"I'll still have to review the film but everything looks good," said Henry as he put his hand on her shoulder. Donna wiped at her eyes and looked at him. 

"I sense a BUT in this conversation," she chuckled, knowing things didn't usually tend to go as planned with Josh.

"Just a little one. He had a hard time getting the tube down. Ended up with another dose of Valium. So I think he will spend the rest of the morning sleeping. Abbey was a big help, she got him calmed down enough to continue."

"Can I see him?"

"Sure, I think Abbey went back to the room with him. Just a warning, he's still hooked up to all the monitors so things look scarier than they are. As long as he's sleeping I want to continue to monitor his vitals. When he wakes if he wants to get up and walk around we'll unhook him. The IV port will stay in; we'll need that tomorrow. He may cough up a little blood, but it won't be much, don't be alarmed if that happens. I'm sure his throat will be pretty sore after the spray wears off but I would like to see him eat something today." 

"I'm sure that will be a challenge," Donna said dryly.

"You're up for the challenge," Henry assured her with a wink and a smile as he turned to leave. "If you need anything have the nurse call my office. I'm going to give Jill a call and fill her in."

"Thanks."

 

True to Henry's prediction, Josh was sound asleep when Donna got to his room. He was alone; there was a note from Abbey saying she'd gone in search of decent coffee. Donna was glad Henry had reminded her that Josh would be hooked up to all sorts of machines. If he hadn't she would have surely panicked. She hadn't seen so many wires and tubes attached to him since right after the shooting. He was so pale and still. Donna wet a cloth and wiped away the drool and dried blood at the corner of his mouth.

She settled into a chair next to the bed with a yawn. Despite the fact it was only 10 in the morning the day already seemed endless. She thought about calling her mother and filling her in on the events of the morning but decided she just didn't have the energy to talk to the boys and act as if nothing was wrong. She and Josh had made the choice not to tell them what was going on. They were coming home on Sunday and hopefully Josh would be feeling much better by then. But judging by how her husband was looking at the moment, Donna didn't hold out any great hope that would happen.

Abbey found both of them sound asleep a while later. She quietly backed out of the room and went to call Jed.

"Donna?" Josh croaked as he struggled to completely wake up.

"What?" Donna muttered, not quite awake herself. She quickly came back to awareness and her eyes shot open. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing," said Josh, his voice barely loud enough to be heard. "I just need a drink of water."

Donna poured a cup of water for him. "Are you sure the spray wore off?" she asked before actually handing him the cup. Josh swallowed, grimacing at the pain in his throat. He just nodded; he didn't think he'd be able to get any words out. He took a few little sips of water to make sure it was going to go down. It wasn't the most comfortable feeling but he was able to swallow without gagging.

"Hurts?" Donna asked unnecessarily as Josh handed her the empty cup. He just nodded and let his eyes slide closed again. 

"T-too much Valium," he stuttered before drifting back to sleep.

*****************

"Josh you need to eat," Donna said trying to keep her cool. It was a little after 3 and Josh had been awake for a few hours. Completely over the effects of the Valium he'd been set free from the monitors and had already taken a walk around the hall. He still had the IV port in but Julie had capped off the line and disconnected him. "Josh," she repeated as she took the remote from him and turn off the television. Josh started to protest but knew it wasn't worth the effort.

"Fine, what did they give me?" he asked as he motioned towards the tray table.

"Orange juice and graham crackers."

"Gross," Josh groaned.

"Start with this and I'll see about finding you something else," Donna suggested. Josh took the crackers and pulled the cellophane wrapper apart. He took one bite and the cracker turned to sawdust in his mouth. Left with no choice he reached for the orange juice. Two sips later and Donna was reaching for a basin. "Just breathe Josh," Donna whispered as she rubbed his back and held his head. When he was finished Donna got him cleaned up and settled back against the pillows. "You want to try some water?" Donna asked.

Josh just shook his head. "My throat feels like sandpaper," he said weakly.

"That's normal Josh," Donna said gently as she reached out to brush back his unruly curls. "How about some ice chips?"

Josh just nodded. He managed to get a few spoonfuls down before his stomach protested. He handed the cup back to Donna and curled up on the bed. She brushed back his hair until he fell back to sleep. She stayed until she was sure he was out and then headed out to the hall to stretch her legs a little.

"How's he doing?" Julie asked as Donna wandered over to the nurses' station.

"Sleeping."

"He eat anything?"

"Only got down about half a cracker and a sip of OJ before he threw it up. He ate some ice chips. His throat is really sore."

"I imagine it is, he had a rough time. Let me know if you need anything."

"I will, thanks," Donna replied as she turned to head back towards Josh's room.

******************

"Donna?" Josh whispered harshly a little after 7.

"I'm here," Donna assured him as she moved from the chair to perch on the edge of the bed. "How do you feel?"

"Crappy," he muttered as he gratefully took the cup of ice water Donna was holding out for him. He managed to get most of it down. Donna was just about to suggest he try to eat something that resembled food when Jill knocked and came in the room.

"How's my favorite patient?" Josh just shrugged his shoulders, not saying anything.

"Crabby," Donna supplied with a smirk. "I'm just going to step out," she said as she hitched her thumb towards the door. She left with a sigh, glad to get out of the room. She knew Josh didn't do well in hospitals so she tended to stay with him but there were times it was very trying. Now was one of those times.

"So what's up?" Jill asked as she made herself comfortable by sitting in Donna's chair and propping her feet up on the edge of the bed. Josh just shrugged again. "I talked to Henry earlier. He told me how it went."

"I feel like an idiot," Josh groaned as he absently picked at the white cotton blanket. 

"It wasn't that bad," Jill pointed out. "You got the test done, you didn't puke all over Henry. It was more than we had hoped for," she teased lightly.

Josh chuckled softly before grimacing in pain. "My throat feels like sandpaper." 

Jill took a good look at him. He was pale and genuinely looked uncomfortable. She knew he had a pretty high tolerance for pain and in general wasn't really a big complainer. "Okay, let's have a look," she said as she pulled the penlight out of her jacket pocket. "Yeah, it looks pretty irritated and a little swollen. Any bleeding?"

"A little this morning, not much."

"What have you eaten?" she asked pretty sure she already knew the answer.

"They gave me graham crackers and orange juice. I puked them back up."

"Eww, what an awful combination," Jill agreed.

"I kept down some ice chips and that's about it."

"Well, I'd like you to at least drink something. How about Gatorade?"

"I'll try but everything just tastes like metal," Josh said.

"That's from the spray. There's not much you can do about it. You can try brushing your teeth but it's really something that just needs to wear off. I'm going to get you something for pain and get you hooked back up to the IV fluids. I don't really want to see your famous "dehydrating act" tonight," Jill teased as she patted his leg. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Thanks Doc," Josh called as she left the room.

**************

As most everyone anticipated Josh had a rough night. The metallic taste lingered and everything he tried to eat came right back up. Eventually he just gave up. He did manage to convince Donna to go home with Abbey but around 1 in the morning he was regretting that decision. He'd just woken up from a nightmare and was very uncomfortable. His throat was sore and his head pounding. He hit the button for the nurse.

"What can I do for you Mr. Lyman?" 

"Josh," he corrected as he reached for his glasses so he could read the nurse's nametag. Emma, it read. He didn't remember meeting her earlier in the night but he may have, things were a bit fuzzy.

"Okay Josh, what can I do for you?" Emma asked as she poured him a glass of water.

"Can I get some Tylenol?" he asked as he gestured towards his throat.

"I think so. I'll check your chart. There's an order for Ambien if you're having trouble sleeping."

"Yeah, that sounds good," Josh muttered as he pulled the blanket up a little. Emma came back a few minutes later with Tylenol and the Ambien. She did a quick check of his vitals and hung another bag of IV fluids.

"Just call if you need anything else," she said with a smile as she turned out the light.

Josh took off his glasses and settled down on his side looking out the window. The view of the city blurred as unexpected tears came to his eyes. Being alone he made no effort to stop them or even to wipe them away. He wasn't sure what exactly brought them on, and if he'd been asked would have blamed it on the meds. Eventually they stopped almost as quickly as they had started. "Just a little pity party," he muttered to himself as he turned the pillow over to the cool, dry side. With a few deep-breathing exercises he let the Ambien do its job, finally drifting off a little after 2.

****************

The sun was barely up when Donna got to the hospital the next morning. She opened the door quietly, not sure if Josh would still be asleep. He was curled up still facing the window. "Josh," she whispered as she closed the door behind her. He didn't move. Donna walked around the side of the bed to get a good look at him. Sound asleep and snoring softly he looked like he'd had a hellish night. The dark circles under his eyes had gotten deeper and there were tear tracks running down his face. Donna got a cool damp cloth to wipe away the dried drool and whatever else was on his face. "Josh," she whispered again as she brushed back his hair.

"Huh?" Josh muttered still half asleep.

"Wake up," she said softly. Josh opened his eyes and put the head of the bed up a little. "Rough night?" Josh just nodded, not only did he not care to elaborate he didn't even know how to put his feelings into words. "How's your throat?"

"A little better, I guess," Josh muttered after he swallowed painfully. "I'd kill for a big cup of ice water," Josh teased, knowing that wasn't possible.

"You can have a sip of water when you brush your teeth, that's it," Donna reminded him.

"I know. I can remember some things," Josh spit out much harsher than he had intended. 

"Josh," Donna warned with nothing more than his name and the tone of her voice. She recognized the way Josh was acting. It was his "I feel helpless at the moment and I'm looking for a fight" mood. She'd been seeing it for nearly 20 years.

"Sorry," he muttered as he got out of bed. He got a step and a half away from it before the burning sensation in his hand reminded him he had the IV in. A series of muttered words he didn't normally use spilled out of his mouth as he sat back down on the bed. Donna grasped his hand firmly and took a look before he could pull away. 

At that moment Emma walked in to check on him one last time before turning things over to the day shift. "Did you manage to dislodge it?" she asked as she motioned towards the IV with one hand while reaching for a pair of gloves with the other.

"I think it's ok," Josh muttered as he held out his hand for inspection.

"Looks just fine. Just go a little easier with it," Emma teased. "You have about an hour before you're scheduled to go to the cardiac lab. Would you like to take a shower?"

"Yeah."

Emma disconnected the IV, taped it up and set him free. Donna hung back a bit as Josh grabbed a clean pair of boxers and his razor from the bag in the closet. She didn't want to hover, to make him feel more helpless than he already did. "Come sit and keep me company," he called over his shoulder as he went into the bathroom. Donna got up and followed him, after 20 years she was also used to his quickly vacillating moods.

"You want to tell me about your rough night?" Donna asked over the sound of the running water.

"Not much to tell, a little puking, a big headache, a raging sore throat and a nightmare. Finally fell asleep for good around 2," Josh sighed.

"Did you take anything?" Donna asked.

"Tylenol and Ambien." 

"You should have called me," Donna said gently.

"In the middle of the night? What for?" he sighed.

"To talk. I could have come back over," Donna pointed out. She could feel herself starting to lose her patience and yet she wasn't exactly sure why. She stood up and pushed the shower curtain back a little. "What's wrong?" she asked as tapped Josh on the shoulder to get his attention. He was miles away at that moment and her gesture made him jump a little. He managed to grab onto the bar on the wall before he fell completely over.

"You ok?" Donna asked as she reached to steady him, getting the sleeve of her shirt soaked in the process.

"Fine," Josh spit out as he slipped from her grasp. Donna quickly got the message and stepped back to give him space. She sat down on the closed toilet lid and waited for him to finish. For the next few minutes she could tell he was moving around by the sound of the water. Then when it became apparent he wasn't doing anything more than standing under the running water Donna pushed back the curtain a bit. Josh was standing still facing away from the shower head, the steady stream of water hitting the back of his neck. Donna turned the water off and reached for some towels. Josh turned around silently and took one towel from Donna. He knotted it around his waist and stepped out of the shower. Donna moved out of the small bathroom to give him space, literally and figuratively. She drank her coffee and looked out the window. Five minutes later she realized she didn't hear the sound of Josh's razor, she didn't hear any sounds coming out of the bathroom. 

"Josh," she said quietly as she pushed the door open. Josh was sitting on the toilet lid with his head in his hands. He was shaking but didn't appear to be crying. Donna grabbed another towel and wrapped it around his shoulders before kneeling down in front of him. "Sweetie, what's wrong," she asked softly as she put her hands on his knees. Josh pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes and scrubbed his hands down his face before looking her in the eye.

"I'm scared."

"I know," Donna whispered as she leaned over and kissed the top of his head. She held him for a few minutes until they heard Henry's voice calling from the doorway. Donna handed Josh his boxers and went out to talk to Henry.

"Rough night?" Henry asked as Donna came out of the bathroom looking rather frustrated.

"Yeah. I'm glad he stayed here. I think we would have been dealing with dehydration if he'd gone home. He hasn't kept much down."

"So I heard. I talked to Jill first thing this morning," Henry explained. Josh came out of the bathroom and greeted Henry with a grunt as he crossed the room to sit on the bed. "Ah, one of those mornings," Henry teased.

"Can we just get this over with?" Josh asked with a sigh. 

"Sounds good to me," Henry agreed.


	4. Chapter 4

"Josh, wake up....Josh, open your eyes," Henry said quietly as he put his hand on Josh's shoulder.

As Josh struggled to come back to consciousness he was acutely aware of two things, the feeling that he'd been kicked in the chest and the strong, steady beeping of the heart monitor. He opened his eyes and pulled at the nasal oxygen prongs. Henry gently moved Josh's hand out of the way and readjusted the oxygen tubing. "Water," Josh mouthed. Henry held a straw to his mouth as Josh drank enough to speak. "It worked?" he asked as he waved in the direction of the beeping.

"It worked," Henry assured him. His beeper went off and he left the room, gesturing for Donna to come in and see her husband.

"Hey sweetie," Donna whispered as she leaned over to kiss Josh's forehead. She'd been reassured by Henry that the procedure worked but she didn't believe it for herself until she saw and heard the heart monitor. "It's like music," she whispered as she wiped away a stray tear. 

"Tired," Josh whispered as his eyes slid shut again.

"Sleep. I'll be here when you wake up," Donna assured him.

**************

While Donna watched Josh sleep Abbey was back at the house waiting for Annie to arrive. Abbey hadn't told her granddaughter she was coming down to visit. Annie had been shocked when Abbey called to see what she was doing over the weekend. Annie quickly rearranged her schedule for Friday and headed for Bethesda. She arrived a little after noon, lunch in hand.

"So how's Ben?" Abbey asked, not beating around the bush.

"He's visiting his family this week since the boys are still in Wisconsin," Annie explained as she put the sandwiches on plates and grabbed some napkins before following her grandmother out to the deck.

"I know where he is, dear," Abbey teased. "I asked how he is."

"He's good," Annie replied vaguely as she picked up her sandwich.

"Good? What kind of answer is that?" asked Abbey, not letting Annie get away with such a simple answer.

"He's really good, Grandma. We're having a great time. He's sweet, considerate, romantic..."

"And?" Abbey prodded.

"And I think he's the one," Annie said as she felt a blush come over her cheeks.

Abbey dropped her forkful of potato salad, "The ONE?" she asked excitedly.

"I don't know," Annie said, backpedaling slightly. "I mean, we've only been dating for 9 months but I don't even think about going out with other guys. When I'm not with him, he's all I think about. God, Gram listen to me, I'm almost 28 years old and I'm gushing over a guy like I'm 15."

"What's wrong with gushing Annie? Ben is a great guy. Even your grandfather likes him, and he never likes anyone you date," Abbey teased.

"Do you think Ben feels the same way?" Annie asked as she picked at her sandwich.

"I don't know, but I could pass him a note in study hall," Abbey smirked. Annie just rolled her eyes and picked up her iced tea.

The two enjoyed a quiet afternoon together talking about Ben, Jed and a million other subjects.

**************

By 2 in the afternoon Donna was at the end of her rope. Josh was completely awake and miserable. He had eaten, and kept down some soup and a cup of ice cream for lunch. His heart rate was strong and steady and his other vitals, with the exception of his blood pressure, were well within normal limits. But his throat was still sore and his chest still hurt, making him very crabby. 

"Josh, you're scaring away my nurses," Henry chided with a grin as he dared to cross the threshold into Josh's room a little before 3. Josh rolled his eyes and said nothing. He did a quick exam and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Let's hear the complaints."

"My throat still hurts. It feels like I got kicked in the chest. My whole body aches. Everything still tastes like metal and I just want to be left alone," Josh whined miserably.

"OK, from a medical perspective, you seem to be doing pretty well, believe it or not. I'm still a little concerned about dehydration but you seem to be eating. Being crabby isn't a reason to keep you here so how about I cut you loose?" Henry offered, feeling fine about letting Josh go home because he knew Abbey was still visiting.

"Really?" Josh asked, surprised that Henry would let him go.

"Really. Try to eat a little, at the very least try to drink something every hour. You can take Tylenol every 4 hours. We'll give you a cream you can put on the red areas on your chest if they are still bothering you. A cool shower might help. Take it easy for the rest of the weekend. If you have any chest pain, fever, bleeding or if you can't keep anything down call me. I'll check in with you tomorrow morning. Don't give Abbey a hard time about hovering. She's the reason I'm letting you out of here so soon," Henry warned as he poked Josh in the leg for emphasis.

"Yes sir," Josh said with a mock salute. "Hey Doc?"

"What?"

"How many?"

"How many what?" asked Henry as he leaned against the end of the bed.

"Shocks?"

"Three. That's why your whole body aches. Obviously all your muscles contract when we shock you."

"I didn't really need to hear that," Josh groaned. Henry laughed and reached for a pair of gloves.

"OK, let's get that out," Henry said as he pointed towards the IV. Rather than wait for the nurses to draw straws to decide who had to enter Josh's room he did it himself. 

"Is it supposed to bleed that much?" Josh asked as he turned rather pale. Henry rolled his eyes and pressed a gauze pad against the back of Josh's hand. "Guess the blood thinners are working," Josh muttered as he closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on deep breathing. Donna entered the room just as Henry was about to hit the button and call for back up. She put a cool cloth on the back of Josh's neck and rubbed his back. Henry got the bleeding to stop with some firm pressure and a little time.

"Go, get out of here," Henry said as he disconnected the last of the monitors and turned off the oxygen. Josh got out of bed and went to get dressed. Donna thanked Henry and went to sign Josh's discharge papers.

As they pulled into the driveway a little after 4:30 Josh gave a half-hearted wave to his welcoming committee. Abbey and Annie got up off the porch swing and walked down the steps to greet Josh and Donna. Annie held out her hand and helped Josh to his feet while Abbey reached into the back seat and grabbed his cane. Annie walked with Josh up the steps while Abbey took Josh's backpack from Donna. "So how is he? Really?" Abbey asked as she followed Donna into the house.

"Crabby. Henry basically threw him out of the hospital," Donna chuckled. "He's sore more than anything. Henry's still a little worried about dehydration. I think he'll be waiting for you to call with an update later today."

"I'm sure he will. I'll do the hovering this weekend. Let me be the one Josh gets annoyed with," Abbey suggested. Donna agreed with a weary smile. "Why don't you go rest for a while? Annie and I have dinner under control. I'm sure she's already fussing over Josh."

After dinner Donna locked herself in the study to get some work done. Annie was cleaning up the kitchen while talking on her cell phone to Ben. Josh had disappeared into the family room. Abbey wandered in to check on her favorite patient. Josh was stretched out on the couch lightly dozing. The door was ajar and Abbey knocked softly. "Donna?" Josh whispered weakly.

"It's Abbey," she answered as she came all the way into the room. "Donna's in the study. Want me to get her?"

"No, she's working," Josh muttered as he sat up a little, giving Abbey room to sit down. "Come in for a vital check?" he teased.

"Maybe," Abbey said with a grin as she put her black bag on the coffee table. "I was about to call Henry but I figured I should check in with you first. Feel any better?"

Josh just shrugged his shoulders, the answer Abbey was expecting. She reached for his wrist to check his pulse. It was strong and steady. His blood pressure was normal for him, high for the rest of the world. "I take it your throat is still sore. You didn't eat much at dinner." Josh just nodded. "Did you take Tylenol?"

"Yeah, when I got home. I'll take some before I go to bed. I'll drink something too," he added.

"Good. Anything you want me to tell Henry?"

"Nope."

"OK then. Let me know if you need anything," Abbey said as she stood up and kissed the top of his head. "And yes, I'm hovering." Josh flashed her a grin and gave a wave as she left him alone. He flicked through the channels, finding nothing to hold his interest.

**************

As everyone in the house fully expected, Josh had a rough night all around. Donna washed her hands of the situation sometime around 3 when Abbey found her and Josh in the kitchen arguing over a bottle of sleeping pills. Donna wanted Josh to take one, obviously, and just as obvious was his refusal. The only purpose the conversation was serving when Abbey entered the room was to raise Josh's blood pressure and to annoy Donna.

"Why don't you go back to bed, Donna?" Abbey suggested from the doorway. Donna silently took her up on the offer, kissing Josh on the cheek as she left the room.

"I don't need a babysitter," Josh spit out in a tone that let Abbey know he was over-tired, whiny and probably in pain. 

"Good, cause my babysitting days are over for everyone but my grandchildren," Abbey shot back as she motioned for Josh to move away from the refrigerator. He slid over a little and Abbey opened the fridge, rooting around for something. "Iced tea, Gatorade or lemonade?" she asked, not giving Josh the "nothing" option.

"Gatorade," he muttered stubbornly.

"So you going to yell at me? Tell me I'm being an ass?" Josh asked as he twisted the cap off the bottle.

"Wasn't planning on it. I don't think you need reminding," Abbey said simply as she turned to leave the room.

"That's it?" Josh called, growing more confused by the second. First Donna just went to bed in the middle of a fight and then Abbey didn't even plan on hovering over him. Abbey turned around shaking her head a bit, smirk firmly planted on her face. 

"Joshua Lyman, you're being an ass. OK?" Josh just nodded. "And the question is...why?" Josh sat down on a stool at the island and pondered the answer to Abbey's question. When it became apparent to her that he actually planned on answering her she sat down on the stool next to him. "Josh?"

"I feel helpless," he admitted quietly as he absently picked at the label on the Gatorade bottle.

"And your first reaction has always been to pick a fight when you feel that way. Even if it means fighting with those who are trying to help you."

"Yeah," Josh muttered in agreement.

"Anything else?" Josh just shrugged his shoulders and took a drink. "Being over-tired doesn't help the situation. So why don't you take a pill, take some more Tylenol and go back to bed. I guarantee that 8 straight hours of sleep will do you a world of good."

"Yes, Mom," Josh teased as he drained the bottle of Gatorade and took the bottle of sleeping pills Abbey was holding out for him. He struggled with the childproof cap for a few seconds before handing it back to Abbey. She opened it and handed him one. Josh dutifully swallowed it with a handful of water and grabbed his cane. As Abbey watched him go down the hall she sent up a silent prayer that things would improve all around, the quicker, the better.

****************

"You said 8 hours of sleep would help," Josh whined as he leaned over in an attempt to stretch away the residual achy feeling he still felt.

"And apparently I was wrong," Abbey said in her best disinterested voice as she turned her attention back to the magazine she was reading. She and Josh were out on the deck. It was a beautiful summer afternoon and Josh's whining was out in full force. Josh had actually slept for almost 9 hours, waking just before noon. But the extra sleep didn't seem to have done much for his mood. Donna had gone to the office for a few hours to catch up on some work, leaving Abbey and Annie to keep an eye on him. But Annie had deserted them a few hours earlier to go shopping for something to wear on her date with Ben that evening. 

"You don't particularly care do you?" Josh asked as he collapsed against the back of the lounge chair.

"Joshua, are you bleeding heavily, experiencing chest pain or having trouble breathing?" Abbey asked without looking up.

"No," said Josh with a clearly confused tone in his voice.

"Then no, I don't particularly care at this very moment," Abbey smirked as she peered over the rims of her reading glasses. Josh got her point. He hauled himself up off the chair and headed inside. He read his email, drank a glass of iced tea and paced around for a while. He hadn't bothered to shower when he first got up so he decided maybe that would help a little.

The thought of a warm shower was appealing but the second the warm water hit the still tender spots on his chest Josh reached for the faucet to turn down the temperature. He let the water pulse over his neck and his back hoping to get rid of some of the lingering soreness. By the time he got out and threw on shorts and a t-shirt Annie had returned from her shopping trip and was giving her grandmother a mini fashion show. Josh grabbed a bottle of iced tea from the fridge and joined Abbey and Annie in the living room.

"Feel any better?" Abbey asked with genuine interest as Josh sat down next to her on the couch, waiting to view Annie's next outfit.

"A little." Abbey turned sideways to get a better look at him. He did still look rather pale and uncomfortable. She pressed the back of her hand against his cheek; he wasn't running a fever. She took his pulse. It was fine. 

"Did you eat anything today?" Josh just shook his head. Abbey was about to get on his case about it but something in his face told her to be gentle with him. "Can I make you something?" she offered. Before Josh could answer Annie came back in the room wearing "the outfit", the one for her date. It was a pale green sundress that set off her green eyes and red hair perfectly. Josh whistled his approval as Donna came in the front door.

"Gee, I go to work for a few hours and my supposedly invalid husband is whistling at other girls," she deadpanned as she kicked off her shoes and dropped her tote in the corner of the foyer. She gave Annie the thumbs up on her choice of outfit as she crossed the room to kiss Josh. Abbey and Annie discreetly left Josh and Donna alone. "You still look like crap," Donna pointed out as she went to the kitchen to get a bottle of water. She came back and settled in the corner of the couch, pulling on Josh's shoulder until he stretched out with his head in her lap. She brushed back his damp hair and leaned over to kiss his forehead. "We still have to decide what to tell the boys," she said as she propped her feet up on the coffee table. They hadn't told the boys anything about what had been going on with Josh. Now they were due home in a little over 24 hours.

"Do we have to tell them anything?" Josh asked. He hated when the boys worried about him.

"Uh, yeah we do," Donna replied with a roll of her eyes. "I think they might ask why you have a rather large bruise on your hand and two big red marks on your chest."

"Good point," Josh muttered as he looked at the bruise on his right hand from where the IV was inserted. "So we tell them the bare minimum. I didn't feel well, I had a few tests, I had a procedure. We don't need to go into details."

"OK," Donna agreed. Deep down she really didn't think that explanation would be enough for the boys. But she also didn't think that telling them their Dad had had his heart shocked back into a normal rhythm was a good idea. At 10 Jake might be able to understand it but Jessie was a very sensitive 8 year old who worshipped the ground Josh walked on, he would most certainly freak out at the very idea.

Josh moped around for the rest of the afternoon, doing very little eating and a lot of whining. Ben returned from his parents' house a little before 4. He could feel the tension in the house the minute he came in. It didn't take much for him to figure out the source of tension. It was pretty obvious the way Donna, Abbey and Annie were all keeping a good distance between themselves and Josh.

Ben stepped out of his room a little after 6 struggling with his tie. Abbey fixed it for him while Annie put the finishing touches on her make-up. The pair bid everyone else their goodbyes and headed out for dinner. 

Abbey suddenly felt a little uneasy. She was doing her best not to "choose sides" when it came to Josh and Donna. She saw both their points, Josh was tired, in pain and feeling helpless, Donna was tired, frustrated and worried. Both were scared to death. Abbey felt for both of them, she loved them as if they were her own children.

***************

"Donna, Abbey, let's go," Josh called out to the back deck where the two women were essentially hiding from him. Donna and Abbey exchanged looks of confusion as they got up and headed inside. They found Josh dressed in freshly pressed khakis and a pale blue polo shirt. He was clearly ready to go somewhere. Apparently his mood had changed for the better.

"What's up?" Donna asked.

"I'm taking my two favorite girls to dinner," he announced.

"Girls?" Abbey teased him with a smile.

"Girls, women, whatever you prefer," Josh shrugged. Both Abbey and Donna headed to get ready, before Josh changed his mind and turned grumpy again.

Dinner was surprisingly pleasant. They ate at the Maryland Crab House, a favorite of the Lyman family. Josh ate more for dinner than he'd eaten in the previous few days. He was charming, talkative and almost back to normal, whatever normal was for Joshua Lyman. The only thing he complained about was when Donna nixed his wine order.

When they got back to the house Abbey excused herself to go call Jed to check in and make sure he and Leo were staying out of trouble. Josh settled down on the front porch swing while Donna went inside to make some tea. He kicked off his shoes and pulled his shirt tails out of his pants. He was sitting with his head tipped back just enough to gaze at the stars when Donna came out with the tea. She set it on the side table and curled up next to Josh, resting her head on his shoulder. And for just a few minutes, all was right with the world.


	5. Chapter 5

"Josh, wake up," Donna whispered as she gently shook his shoulder a little after 9 the next morning.

"What?" he asked without opening his eyes.

"I'm going out for bagels. Abbey and Annie are leaving for Mass. Ben went to run. You ok by yourself?" she asked as she knelt down to look Josh in the eye. He cracked his eyes open a little and nodded before rolling back over. 

********

 

"Josh, I'm back," Donna yelled as she dropped her car keys on the table in the foyer and headed for the kitchen. Josh rolled out of bed and pulled on a pair of shorts, the scent of fresh brewed coffee beckoning him towards the kitchen. 

"Morning," he said as he kissed Donna and reached for his cup of coffee and the front page of the Sunday paper. 

"Toasted or not?" Donna asked as she held up an everything bagel. 

Josh thought about it for a few seconds, deciding untoasted would probably be less irritating to his still slightly tender throat. "Not, with butter. You wanna eat outside?" Donna nodded as she took a sip of coffee and dropped her bagel in the toaster.

Relaxing out on the deck reading the Sunday paper was something Josh and Donna enjoyed immensely and didn't get the chance to do nearly often enough. They read articles to each other, worked on the crossword puzzle and dreamed over the destinations in the travel section. Josh did manage to eat most of his bagel without any great difficulty and even ate a banana too. Things looked as if they had finally turned a corner, at least where Josh's appetite was concerned.

They spent the afternoon puttering around the yard. Actually Donna did most of the puttering and weeding, Josh provided helpful hints as he sat on the swing hanging from the wooden swingset in the backyard. He made lunch for everyone, grilled chicken breast sandwiches and cole slaw. 

Ben and Abbey were going to meet Annie for dinner so Josh and Donna could have some time alone with the boys. Their plane was due in a little before 5.

*****************

"You look good," Donna commented as Josh came into the bedroom after taking a shower and getting dressed so they could head to the airport to pick up the boys. Josh glanced down at his outfit, a pair of cargo shorts and yellow plaid shirt Donna had given him for Father's Day, not exactly a special outfit. "I mean, you look healthy, better than you have in the last week or so. You got a little color this afternoon," Donna mentioned as she pressed her hand against his slightly pink cheek. "And your cute freckles came out," she teased as she kissed the tip of his nose.

"Cute?" Josh groaned. "I'm 56 years old, I do not have "cute" freckles," he protested as he sat down to put on his well-worn Nikes.

"Yeah, you do. And cute dimples too," added Donna as she slipped past him on her way to the bathroom. Josh followed her after tying his shoes. "How's your throat?" she asked as Josh hopped up on the counter to sit and watch her put on a little make up.

"Better. And I'm not as sore all over. I think I'll be ready to go back to PT on Tuesday."

"Okay, but don't push yourself," Donna warned as she pulled her hair back and put it in a scrunchie. "Ready?" she asked as she led Josh out of the bathroom.

"Yeah," Josh said as he bounced on the balls of his feet. It had been over two weeks since he'd seen the boys. It was the longest he'd ever gone without being around them. Even when he had been working on President Hoynes' campaign he'd never been gone from home longer than about a week. "Let's go," he said impatiently as Donna grabbed a magazine off the desk in the living room.

When they arrived at the airport they found out the boys' flight was delayed. Donna thought she was going to have to sedate Josh. He walked circles around the arrival terminal until Donna threatened to tie him to a chair. 

"Hey, there's a Starbucks," Josh said as he pointed towards the familiar green and white sign.

"Joshua, the last thing you need is caffeine," Donna muttered as she turned her attention back to her magazine.

"I'll get decaf," he promised.

"Go," Donna sighed in mock exasperation. By the time Josh had finished his coffee and brownie the boys' flight had arrived. Since they were unaccompanied minors they were the last to deplane, much to Josh's annoyance. At the first sight of their parents the boys tried to elude their escort and run up the jetway. By the time Donna put her ID back in her purse the boys had managed to nearly knock Josh over in their excitement. All three were talking at once, none of them actually hearing what the other two were saying. As soon as they saw Donna heading towards them they left Josh to greet their mother too. Finally they all calmed down enough to actually head for the baggage claim to collect the boys' luggage.

"We're hungry," Jake announced as he tossed his bags in the back of the van and climbed in.

"The food on the plane was gross," Jessie announced as he slid in next to his brother.

"How about pizza?" Josh suggested as Donna backed the car out of the space and headed for the airport exit.

"Cool. Hey where's Ben?" Jake asked.

"He took Annie and Aunt Abbey out to dinner."

"Aunt Abbey's here? And Annie?" asked Jake. Josh braced himself for the next question. "Why's Aunt Abbey here? Is Uncle Jed here?"

"Uncle Jed's not here. Abbey wanted to visit."

"Why would she want to visit if we were in Wisconsin?" Jessie asked. Josh chuckled and looked sideways at Donna as if to say, "a little help here would be nice". She just smiled and nodded a little, preferring to focus her attention on the traffic.

"I uh...last week I didn't feel well," Josh said as he vaguely waved his hand as if trying to brush off the whole conversation. "Well, actually for a couple of weeks. You know that's why I didn't go to Wisconsin with Mom, right?" The boys just nodded.

"Dad, what happened to your hand?" Jake asked as he got a glimpse of the bruise on Josh's right hand as Josh reached to run his fingers through his hair.

"Uh, I had to have a couple of tests done." Both boys were silent for a minute.

"Did you have to go to the hospital?" Jessie asked as he leaned forward as much as his seatbelt would allow.

"Yes," Josh admitted. "But only for one night. I'm fine now, I promise." Jessie regarded his father with a look that said he wasn't quite convinced. Jake was quiet, and like with his father, that was usually a bad sign. Josh could almost hear the little wheels in his son's head starting to turn.

"You sent us away. Didn't you?" Jake eventually asked with an accusatory tone in his voice.

"Sent you away?" Josh asked as he turned to face his oldest son. "No, that's not true. I went to the doctor the day you and mom and your brother went to Wisconsin.' Jake caught his mother's eye in the rearview mirror. Donna's face let him know Josh was telling the truth. 

The rest of the drive was spent in uneasy silence. The boys weren't sure how to process what little information they had so far and Josh wasn't sure how much detail he should use when answering the inevitable round of questioning that was to come.

Donna pulled into the parking lot of the boys' favorite pizza place. She undid her seatbelt and turned around to face her kids. "Can we talk about this over dinner? In a civilized tone?" she asked. Her answer came in the form of three curly heads nodding in her direction. "Good, now let's go. I'm starving."

Dinner went much better than Donna had anticipated, especially after the discussion in the van. She and Josh explained in vague terms what he'd gone through. Both the boys seemed to accept the answers they were given and moved on to tell their parents all about their trip.

****************

"Well, that went better than I thought it would," Josh remarked as he kicked off his sneakers and unbuttoned his shirt. Donna had gone into the bathroom to wash her face before bed. It was still fairly early, a little before 9:30 but Josh was fading fast and Donna had to be at the office early the next morning.

"Once they realized we didn't ship them off they were fine. Jessie got rather pale when you talked about the cardioversion. Sort of like you," Donna teased.

"That's my boy," Josh muttered as he wandered into the bathroom. He tossed his dirty clothes into the hamper, brushed his teeth and took some Tylenol.

"Still sore?" Donna asked as he put the bottle of pills back into the medicine chest.

"A little. Do we have any ginger ale?" he muttered as headed back into the bedroom.

"Too much pepperoni pizza?" Donna teased. Josh just nodded and collapsed onto the bed. "Oh no, sit up in the chair, you'll feel better," Donna said as she held out her hand to pull him to his feet. Josh settled down in the chair while Donna went into the kitchen in search of ginger ale. Shivering a little in the air conditioned room he pulled the light blanket off the end of the bed and tossed it over his legs. He took off his glasses and set them on the night stand. Taking a few deep breaths he closed his eyes and curled up a bit.

"Here, drink a little," Donna said as she appeared at Josh's side, startling him a bit as he hadn't heard her come back into the room. She handed him the can and sat down on the arm of the chair so she could rub his back a little. "Better?" Donna asked a while later after Josh managed to drink most of the soda. 

"Yeah," he muttered as he dropped his head down a little trying to stretch out some of the stiffness in his neck.

"Get in bed, I'll rub your neck," Donna offered as she kicked off her slippers.

"Just my neck?" Josh asked with a little leer as he tossed the blanket aside.

"No strenuous activity for a few days," Donna reminded him. Josh pouted a little and crawled into bed.

"So I'll just lie there. You can do all the work," he teased as he pulled off his undershirt. Donna just shook her head at her husband and walked to turn out the overhead light. She sat down next to Josh and reached into the drawer for a bottle of massage oil. "Nothing girly," Josh warned, not wanting to smell like fruit and flowers. Donna held up a couple of choices and he picked one. She poured a little in her hands and rubbed them together to warm the oil a little.

"That feels good," Josh mumbled as Donna's fingers kneaded away the knots in his neck and upper back. As she moved her hands slowly down his muscled back she made a mental note to have him call Henry and ask for the exact definition of "a few days". When Josh's breathing evened out and he fell asleep Donna crept out of bed to wash her hands and check on the boys.

Curled up in a ball with his curly hair peeking out front under his plaid quilt Jessie was the spitting image of his father. Donna ruffled his hair and kissed his cheek, causing his dimples to appear for a second. She pulled the door closed and headed to check on his brother.

As his father had been in years past, Jake was more of a night-owl. He was still awake and reading when Donna checked on him. "Hey sweetie, it's getting late," she said from the doorway as she glanced at Jake's alarm clock. "You start basketball camp tomorrow, you need some sleep." Jake tucked his book under the pillow and turned off the light. Donna sat down on the edge of the bed. "Ben's going to take you to camp and stay. Coach Bob asked him to help out this week."

"I know Mom," Jake said with an exaggerated sigh. "We went over this in the car after dinner," he reminded her.

"I know," Donna said with a laugh. "Get some sleep," she whispered as she leaned over to kiss his forehead.

"Hey Mom," Jake called. 

"What sweetie?" she asked as she turned in the doorway and leaned against the door jamb.

"Is Dad really ok?" he asked quietly. Donna took a deep breath and walked back to the bed. She knelt down to look her son in the eye. 

"Yes, the procedure worked," Donna assured him.

"For good?" Jake asked as he pulled his hand out from under his basketball blanket and reached for Donna's hand. Donna moved to sit on the bed next to him.

"I can't promise that Dad won't have any problems in the future. For now things seem stable and that's the best we can ask for," Donna explained as she rubbed his back. Her answer seemed to satisfy her 10 year old son as he nodded his head and closed his eyes. Donna kissed him again and went headed to bed.

As she drifted off she thought of the conversation she'd just had with Jake. While it was true it had been a very short conversation it was also a very telling one. Jake tended to handle Josh's medical problems and limitations with whining and many times with indifference. As a lot of 10 year old boys he tended to believe the world revolved around him. A trait his parents were constantly trying to end. He rarely asked about Josh's problems preferring instead to ignore them the best he could.

On the other hand, Jessie was more understanding of Josh's limitations. He rarely complained when Josh wasn't able to do things his friend's fathers could do. He was perfectly happy just spending time with his Dad, it didn't matter all that much what they were doing. Jessie loved to read and cook with Josh. It didn't matter to him that Josh couldn't play a game of one-on-one in the driveway; Jessie was content to shoot free-throws with his Dad. Jessie's nature also made him somewhat of a worrier, a tendency Josh and Donna kept a close eye on.

************

The house was a flurry of activity the next morning. Donna was up and out of the house by 6:30. Annie headed back to Baltimore by 7:00. Ben and Jake were headed for basketball camp by 8:00 and out of sheer habit Abbey had been up with the sun.

Jessie woke up a little after 8:30 and wandered around looking to see who was home. He looked outside, Ben's car and the van were gone. He poked his head into his parents' room; Josh was asleep. Still a little sleepy Jessie was a bit confused when he heard noise coming from the kitchen. It took him about a second and a half to remember Abbey was visiting.

"Aunt Abbey," he yelled as he ran down the hall. He hadn't had a chance to see her the night before, she'd gotten back after he was in bed. Abbey set down her coffee cup just in time to catch the curly haired boy running towards her. He greeted her with a big hug and kiss. He and Abbey made pancakes and caught up on things while they ate. Jessie asked a few questions about Josh. Abbey was able to put things in language an 8 year old could understand. She hadn't really explained things any differently than Josh and Donna had the night before but Abbey always seemed to explain things in a way that calmed down the male members of the Lyman family, all three of them.

"Any pancakes left?" Josh asked as he came into the kitchen a while later. Jessie mixed up some more pancake batter while Abbey poured Josh a cup of coffee.

*************

After Ben and Jessie took Abbey to the airport on Monday night the Lyman household started to get back to normal, whatever "normal" was for them. Ben and Jake went to basketball camp each day. Donna was putting in full days at work trying to catch up on what she'd missed the end of the previous week. Jessie had become Josh's shadow, more so than usual. But that was fine with Josh. He was enjoying just hanging out with his son. They went to the library, shot free-throws in the driveway, went to get haircuts and cooked some great food for dinner.

Josh had a follow up appointment with Henry on Tuesday morning. Much to his happiness, and Donna's, Henry declared that the few days of no strenuous activity were over. Unfortunately Donna worked late on Tuesday and Josh was asleep by the time she got home. But on Wednesday night Ben took the boys out for a night of burgers, mini golf and a movie.

*************

"Hey Dad," Jessie asked as he reached in the fridge for soda. It was late Thursday afternoon and they'd just put a meatloaf in the oven for dinner.

"What, buddy?" Josh replied, not turning his attention away from his newspaper.

"Da-ad," Jessie whined as he slid up onto the stool next to Josh. 

"What?" Josh replied again as he put aside his newspaper and looked at his son with a dimpled grin.

"Can we do something special tomorrow?"

"What, watching me at PT this morning wasn't exciting enough?" Josh teased as he stole a sip of Jessie's soda.

"Da-ad," Jessie whined again in a perfect imitation of his father.

"What did you want to do?" Josh ask as he pushed his paper aside and took off his glasses to rub his eyes a bit.

"I want to go into the city." Jessie replied as he gave Josh a hopeful took.

"Sounds fine to me," Josh replied. Jessie's request to go into DC was not an uncommon one. More so than his brother he was interested in the life Josh and Donna had led before they became parents. Jessie had an affinity for the monuments, something he shared with both his parents. "So what should we do?"

"Air and Space Museum, Lincoln Memorial, lunch at ESPN Zone and skateboarding in Freedom Park," Jessie answered quickly. It was obvious to Josh that his son had given some thought to this expedition; it was certainly not a spur of the moment idea.

"Well, I don't think I'll be doing any skateboarding," Josh teased as he pointed towards his cane.

"You can watch."

"What about Mom? Should we invite her to lunch?"

"At the ESPN Zone?" Jessie asked as he scrunched up his face as he pondered Josh's idea. "I don't think so. She doesn't appreciate it," he explained sounding much older than his 8 and a half years. Josh tried to keep from laughing, knowing Jessie was completely serious. "How about we go into the city with her, take her to breakfast and then leave her at work. She can keep my skateboard in her office until we're ready to go to Freedom Park." 

"I think we can probably do that. We'll talk to Mom when she gets home."

"Can I call her now?" Jessie asked excitedly.

Josh glanced at the clock, it was almost 5, and Donna should be wrapping things up for the day. "Sure, try her at the office."

"Okay," Jessie said with a grin as he slid off the stool.

Josh started to make a salad while Jessie made his phone call. It was apparent to Josh, from Jessie's end of the conversation, that he spent a good deal of time talking to Donna's assistant Megan. It was a well known fact in the Lyman household that both Jake and Jessie thought Megan was "way cool". She always made a fuss over them when they came to visit Donna at the office.

"Mom said 'fine'. She's having lunch with someone anyway," Jessie said as he hung up the phone. He took the stack of plates Josh was holding out. While Josh finished the salad Jessie set the table.

An hour later Ben and Jake came home starving after spending the day playing basketball. Donna arrived soon after and the 5 of them sat down to a nice meal.

*****************

Jessie was up before the sun on Friday morning. He got his skateboard, helmet and pads out of the garage. He put the pads and the helmet in his backpack and set everything by the front door. He poured himself a glass of juice and turned on the television to watch the Cartoon Network.

Donna hit the snooze button for Josh and headed to take a quick shower before he got up. Twenty minutes later she came out of the bathroom to find Josh right where she'd left him, curled up under the quilt. "Josh," she said as she turned on the lights. Josh just groaned a little and turned away from the offending light. "Jessie's already up Josh," Donna said as she pulled the quilt back a little. Josh pulled it right back up and Donna gave up and went to get dressed. When she was almost finished dressing she went back into the bedroom, determined to get her sleepy husband up. "Josh, come on, you need to get moving," she repeated as she sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled quilt back again. His eyes fluttered open. "You okay?" Donna asked as she noticed he looked a little pale. She felt his forehead, he was cool.

"Yeah, I'm ok, just tired. I'll get up. Give me half an hour and I'll be ready to go," he promised as he threw back the covers. Donna watched him get up and walk across the room. He seemed to be moving a little slower than usual but she didn't mention it. Over the years she'd found it was better to not mention every little thing like that she noticed. If Josh was really having a rough day, he would let her know. Over the years he'd learned he could hide very little from his wife.

 

"OK, what are you we waiting for?" Josh asked 25 minutes later as he walked into the kitchen, ready to go.

"We're waiting for you," Jessie pointed out as he put his glass in the sink.

"And now I'm ready, so let's go," Josh said as he grabbed his Mets hat from the coat tree in the foyer. Jessie ran upstairs to get his own Mets hat while Donna checked to make sure she had everything in her tote bag.

"Are you sure you're up to today?" she asked as Josh opened the front door and pulled the paper off the porch.

"I'm fine," he assured her as he stuffed the newspaper in his backpack. He was sure he'd have time to read it later while Jessie was skateboarding.

"Take a cab if you get tired," Donna reminded him. Josh just gave her a little glare and Donna got the point, she was getting dangerously close to hovering.

After a leisurely breakfast in the cafeteria of the Capitol the "boys" walked Donna to her office. Despite having eaten scrambled eggs, toast and bacon, Jessie took the donut Megan offered him. He flashed the famous Lyman dimpled smile and waved as he and Josh headed for their day out.

"Where to first?" Josh asked as they walked out the door of the Capitol.

"Lincoln Memorial," Jessie answered as he glanced at his watch. It was still early; the museum wasn't even open yet.

"Okay," agreed Josh as he led them in the direction of the Metro.

 

"Can I walk up the steps?" Jessie asked as he and Josh stopped in front of the massive likeness of Abraham Lincoln. 

"Sure," Josh answered as he sat down on one of the bottom steps. It was still early enough that there weren't crowds of people and it would be easy enough to keep an eye on Jessie from the base of the monument. Josh watched as his son ran full speed up the marble steps. Jessie stopped at each landing to turn and wave to his father. 

While Jessie stood in awe of the massive statue Josh sat on the steps and looked out past the Reflecting Pool and the World War II Memorial to the Washington Monument. The white marble reached towards the clouds in the early morning sun. The sight brought back a flood of memories for Josh. Over the years there had been countless times he and Donna had sat on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, after good days and bad. They would sit and share coffee. When they met at the Lincoln Memorial was one of the few times Donna ever brought him coffee. Sometimes they would sit and talk for hours, sometime they sat in silence. There were times they couldn't stop laughing over something that had happened in the office that day and other times the tears flowed no matter how hard they tried to stop them. It had been "their" place for almost 20 years. 

"Dad....Dad." The sound of Jessie's voice brought Josh out of the haze of memories floating around in his head.

"Sorry. I was just..." Josh started to explain.

"Spacing out?" Jessie asked with a wry grin as he sat down next to his Dad.

"Something like that. You ready to move on?" Jessie nodded. Josh stood up slowly, silently cursing the stiffness that set in from sitting on the marble steps. Jessie gave Josh a few minutes to get his bearings before heading off towards the Mall. Josh contemplated walking to the Air and Space Museum but decided that wasn't the best idea, it was hot and the humidity was starting to rise. The last thing Josh wanted to do was to have to cut their day short.

Although Jessie had probably been to the Air and Space Museum a dozen times he always found something new to look at. The exhibits on space travel were his favorite as he dreamed of becoming an astronaut, or White House Deputy Chief of Staff, depending on the day. An hour into their visit Josh needed a break. The slow stroll of a museum visitor wreaked havoc on his back; he did much better at a brisker pace. He settled himself on a bench near the Space Shuttle exhibit, a central location where he could see Jessie as he wandered around the main exhibit hall on the lower level.

"Dad, the 3D show is starting soon," Jessie said as he came over to where Josh was sitting and wrapped his arms around his neck from behind.

"Sorry buddy, I don't do 3D. Almost got sick last time," Josh said as he reached behind to pull Jessie's baseball cap off his head.

"Yeah, I forgot. You got all pale and Mom started freaking out," Jessie said as he teased his Dad.

"OK, yeah we don't need to relive my less than stellar moments," Josh muttered as Jessie came around the bench and sat next to him. Josh put the hat back on Jessie and straightened the boy's glasses a bit. "You about ready for lunch?"

"Sure."

"Great, there's McDonald's right over there," Josh teased as he pointed to the concession area.

"No way. We're going to ESPN Zone."

"Oh yeah. Wait, it's all coming back to me now," Josh said as he pressed his fingertips against his temples.

"Da-ad, don't be so dorky," Jessie teased as he handed Josh his cane. The pair walked to the Capitol building to retrieve Jessie skateboard and backpack. When they got there they found out Donna's lunch meeting had been canceled. Jessie had a look of horror for a split second when he thought his mom might invade their lunch at the testosterone filled ESPN Zone. She assured her son she would grab a sandwich at the cafeteria and not mess up their plans. With a hug and a kiss for each her "boys", Donna headed back to work. 

Lunch was about as close to perfection as Jessie could have imagined, burgers and fries, a mug of root beer, huge television screens and his Dad all to himself. While Josh certainly enjoyed the experience too, his reaction couldn't compare to that of an 8 year old boy. Luckily, by the time the novelty of the music and quick paced sports highlights were starting to nudge Josh in the direction of sensory overload and a huge headache, Jessie was antsy to get out and ride his skateboard. Josh paid the bill and the pair headed down the street.

As they neared Freedom Park Josh hoped there weren't too many older skaters around. While Jessie was fairly talented on the skateboard, he was still only 8. He was fearless, which wasn't always a good thing, especially when coupled with random Lyman clumsiness. His tendency to try and keep up with the "big boys" got the best of him once in a while and he had the scars to prove it. As they approached the park it looked as if Josh's wish had been granted. There weren't many people there at all and the ones who were there were either young or clearly beginners. Josh made sure Jessie's pads were on tight and his helmet straight. He promised to sit on the bench and not make a fuss every time Jessie fell.

"If you're gushing blood, I'm getting off this bench," Josh muttered as Jessie took off. Josh watched for a few minutes and then grabbed his newspaper out of his backpack. He did his best not to cringe every time he saw Jessie on the ground and for the most part he did pretty well. He did get up to check on him when he saw him skid a good ten feet on his knees. But Jessie got up, brushed himself off, straightened his knee pads and got back on the skateboard.

Tired, hot and thirsty the pair left the park a little before 4 in search of air conditioning and something cold to drink. They found both at the Barnes and Noble a couple of blocks away. While Jessie went to wash his hands Josh ordered an iced coffee for himself and a bottle of orange soda for Jessie.

By the time they were done with their drinks, and Jessie had talked Josh into a book on skateboarding tricks, it was a little before 5. "Here," said Josh as he tossed Jessie his cell phone, "Call Mom and see if she's about ready to leave work. I'll be back in a minute." Jessie dialed the number while Josh headed for the men's room.

"Mom'll be ready to leave about 6:00," Jessie announced when Josh got back from the rest room

"Okay. Should we take the Metro home or do you want to go back to the Capitol?" Josh asked, although he was pretty sure he already knew the answer. Between Donna, Megan and the Capitol Building itself there was really no other choice in Jessie's mind.

"Capitol," he said with a big grin as he hoisted his backpack over his shoulder.

As Josh and Jessie boarded the Metro Josh realized that for the first time in a long, long time he'd taken a trip into DC and hadn't even gone past the White House.

 

Tired from their busy day, Donna got the boys settled down by 9. She went back downstairs in search of Josh. When she'd gone upstairs with the boys he was watching the Orioles game in the family room but he was nowhere in sight when she came back down. The front door was wide open and the sound of the summer storm drifted in. Donna walked to the door, pretty sure she'd found her wayward husband. Josh was on the porch swing watching the rain. He didn't notice Donna at first, giving her a chance to watch him for a minute. He was clearly a million miles away because when the wind shifted and the rain started to come onto the porch he didn't move.

"Josh, you're getting wet," Donna pointed out as she pushed the screen door open and stepped out in her bare feet.

"Huh?" Josh muttered as he came back to the present. "I guess I am," he chuckled. "I won't melt."

"Game rained out?" she asked with a smile.

"Yeah," Josh answered as he stopped the swing and motioned for her to sit down next to him.

"No thanks, I have enough sense to stay out of the rain," Donna deadpanned as she sat down in the wicker chair next to the front door. The expected laugh from Josh never came and Donna put on her worried face. "You ok? You were quiet at dinner," she said casually.

"Just tired," Josh answered in a voice that was anything but convincing.

"Pushed yourself a little today," Donna said, her words coming out somewhere between a question and a statement. 

Josh just nodded. "Jessie was so excited. I couldn't disappoint him," he said knowing Donna would understand his reasoning perfectly. She did and just gave him a small smile. They sat for a few minutes in silence, Josh getting rather wet and Donna trying to figure out what had sent him into a funk. 

"Honey you're getting soaked, come inside," Donna said as she slid off the chair and held out her hand towards him. Josh grudgingly got up and took it, pulling her in for a hug. Donna squealed as Josh's wet clothes came in contact with her. She held him and rubbed his back for a minute, trying to get him to relax a little. "Come inside," she repeated as she felt him start to shiver. Josh let his arms go limp and slide down Donna's back. She let her hands slip down to grab his. "Josh, what's wrong?"

"I don't know," he whispered and the sound of his voice let Donna know he really had no idea. She took a deep breath, trying to decide if she had the energy to help him figure out what was bothering him. 

"Think maybe you'll be able to figure it out with a warm bath and a cup of tea?" Donna asked as she opened the front door.

"Probably," Josh said with a faint smirk as he followed her in the door. He toed off his shoes and kicked them to the corner of the foyer as Donna headed to the kitchen to put the water on for tea. Josh headed for the bathroom to start the water in the tub. 

"So, did you figure out what's wrong yet?" Donna asked with a smirk 45 minutes later as she took Josh's empty mug from him and set it next to the sink. Josh just shrugged with a smirk of his own. Donna sat down on the edge of the tub and stuck her feet in the warm water.

"Something weird happened this afternoon," Josh muttered matter-of-factly as Donna reached for the bottle of shampoo.

"Strange weird or you have to call Jill in the morning because you're having weird symptoms?" Donna asked as she motioned for Josh to lean over a little and wet his hair.

"No, nothing physical," Josh assured her as he slid over to sit in between her knees. Donna put some shampoo on his hair and worked it into a lather. Josh was instantly relaxed, so much so that he forgot he was in the middle of trying to explain something. Donna poked him in the hip with her toe. "What?" Josh asked as he tipped his head back a little to look at her. "Oh, sorry," he laughed as he realized she was waiting for him to continue. "We went to the Lincoln Memorial, the Air and Space Museum, ESPN Zone, Freedom Park and the Capitol," Josh explained, stopping short of what he wanted to say as he realized it sounded pretty lame.

"You didn't even go past the White House did you?" Donna asked more than a hint of teasing in her voice.

"No, and don't you think that was weird?" Josh asked seriously as he turned on the faucet to rinse his hair. Donna leaned over to help him get the remaining shampoo out of his hair.

"I think the fact that you think it's weird, is weird," Donna smirked as she handed him a small towel so he could dry his face. "Is this what's really bothering you?"

"Pretty lame isn't it?" Josh asked with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Very," Donna deadpanned. She started to stand up and step over the side of the tub when Josh caught her by the wrist and the foot, pulling her into the water, fully clothed. Water sloshed over the side and onto the floor as Donna sputtered in surprise. Josh made a big show of being chivalrous, helping her out of her clinging clothes. While Donna tossed the clothes into the sink Josh turned on the faucet and dumped some bubbles under the warm running water.

Forty-five minutes and plenty of foreplay later, Josh declared he was too old for sex in the bathtub. He carefully stepped out of the tub and grabbed a couple of towels, wrapping Donna up before leading her to bed.


	6. Chapter 6

As July turned to August things were as busy as ever in the Lyman house. The boys were set to go to sleep away camp for a week, Donna was about to go to New York for a few days for work and Ben and Josh were making plans to sleep late, eat junk food and do other manly things. Annie had gone to Manchester for a few days to visit her grandparents. Ben had offered to go with her but she declined as Abbey and her aunts were planning a whole three days of "girlie" things.

"Josh, you have PT in an hour, you might want to get up," Ben called down the hall at 9:00 on Monday morning. It was the first day of their week without kids or women. "You want a ride?"

"Huh?" Josh muttered, still half asleep. "Yeah, sure...whatever," he grumbled as he sat up and scrubbed his hands down his face in an effort to wake up a little. Ben just laughed and continued on to the kitchen. He made some eggs and toast, knowing that if he didn't Josh would just have a Pop-Tart and a bottle of Snapple for breakfast. Ben had promised Donna, as he always did, that he would keep an eye on Josh while she was gone.

Ben dropped Josh at PT and ran a few errands before heading back to pick him up. He was going to suggest grabbing an early lunch but as he watched Josh make his way across the parking lot it was clear to him the only thing on Josh's schedule for the afternoon was going to be rest. 

"Tom worked you a little hard today?" Ben asked with a smirk as he tossed Josh's cane into the backseat.

"Shut up," Josh snorted with just the hint of a smile on his face. 

Josh went right to the family room to collapse on the couch when they got home. Ben brought him something to drink, a few Tylenol and the portable phone. "I'm going out to play basketball for a while. You going to be ok by yourself?" Josh just glared as if to say, 'don't baby me'. "Great, call if you need anything," Ben said as he ignored the glare.

Josh dozed for a while, talked to Donna, read his email and in general hung out for the rest of the day. Ben came back a little before 5 to find Josh reading on the back deck.

"Hey," Ben called as he dropped into a chair with a sigh. He drained a bottle of water in no time flat, tossing it over the railing into the recycling bin.

"Team work you a little hard today?" Josh asked with smirk, echoing Ben's comment from earlier in the day.

"Shut up. I'm going to take a shower and change. You cooking dinner or should we go out for food?" Ben asked.

"Let's see, we could cook the relatively healthy food Donna left for us or go out for burgers," Josh smirked as he lifted his hands to "weigh" his options.

"Burgers," they said at the same time.

"Good, I need to do a little shopping, how about the mall?" Ben suggested. Josh crinkled his nose at the thought of going to the mall but he actually needed a few things himself so he agreed with a nod.

 

A little over an hour later Ben maneuvered the car into a parking space at the City Place Mall in Silver Spring. It was fairly crowded for a weeknight and a long line met them at the entrance to Ruby Tuesday. Josh suggested sitting at the bar, something Ben was not going to suggest. With the medication Josh took he really wasn't supposed to be drinking at all, although he did have an occasional beer, usually under the watchful eye of his wife. "It's fine," Josh assured him. They settled in with their sodas to watch sports on the many televisions that lined the walls around the bar.

 

"Where to?" Josh asked as he tossed some money on the bar, grabbed his cane and slid off the stool after they finished eating.

"I need sneakers," Ben said as he pushed the door open and held it for Josh. As a guy on a budget, it took Ben a few stores to find sneakers he wanted to spend the money on. Josh dutifully followed him from store to store recalling quite a few situations years earlier when he'd spent time at the mall with a "girl on a budget".

"Now where?" Josh asked looking for the nearest bench on which to sit.

"The Gap, I need back to school clothes," Ben said as he pointed to his left.

"Then I'll be on this bench," Josh said, gesturing to the right with his cane. "I'm the teacher, I don't need new clothes," he teased.

"I'm sure Donna would say otherwise," Ben pointed out with as straight a face as he could manage. With a groan Josh followed him in the land of khakis, cargo pants and plaid shirts. 

Josh managed to find a few pairs of pants and a few shirts while Ben hunted down a few bargains on the sale racks. Before Ben could pick another store Josh steered them in the direction of the nearest ice cream place.

Fortified by double chocolate ice cream, Josh let Ben pick the next destination. "Yankee Candle?" Josh whined as he realized where they were going. 

"Annie's got this candle fascination and let's just say I've found that lighting a few can lead to...to," Ben stopped short as he turned bright red. He couldn't believe what he was about to say to Josh. Josh, his employer, the man who trusted him with his children.

Josh just snorted and shook his head. "Just don't burn down my house," he said over his shoulder as he walked into the store, leaving Ben rooted to his spot for a few more seconds. 

Truth was Donna had a candle fascination too, which did often lead to many enjoyable things. Josh picked out some votives in her favorite scents and went to pick out a jar candle for his study. He sampled more scents than he could count and by the time he settled on Citrus and Sage he had a runny nose and brewing headache.

"You're not going to drag me into Bath and Body Works too, are you?" Josh asked as Ben stuffed his wallet back into his pocket and picked up his bag. 

"God no, I'm done," Ben said with a grin. "You need anything else?"

"Uh, just a watch battery," Josh answered as he pointed in the direction of a jewelry store across the way. 

While the clerk hunted down the right battery for Josh's watch Ben wandered around looking at the display cases. He peered intently at one case, leaning over almost touching his nose to the glass. Josh was about to call out to him to ask what he was looking at but the clerk came back at that moment with his watch. Josh paid for the battery and picked up his bags.

Ben picked up his own bags and headed for the exit. Josh glanced over at the case that had held Ben's attention. It was filled with beautiful diamond engagement rings. With a smile in Ben's direction, one that caused the young man to quickly turn away, Josh decided not to tease him but made a mental note to maybe have a serious conversation in the near future.

*******************

Josh got up the next morning feeling better than he had in a long time. Which was a good thing as he had an appointment with Jill for a check up. Ben dropped him off a little before noon and headed to play basketball.

"Hey Doc," Josh called as he entered the office.

"Back here," Jill called from her office. She put down the files she was reading and walked out to the hall to meet Josh. She smiled when she saw him. For the first time in a long time she was happy with the way he looked. "Looking good," she said as she gave him a quick hug. Josh returned the smile and motioned for her to lead the way. They settled down in Jill's office with their usual lunch, turkey, no mayo. They made their usual small talk as they ate, Jill asked about the boys and Josh asked about her non-existent love life. 

"So how are you doing?" Jill asked as she wiped her hands on her napkin and reached behind her for Josh's chart. She flipped it open and made a few notes.

"I'm good," Josh said. Jill looked up to find a sincere look on his face. "I'm sleeping fine, not too much. I've been eating better. No weird heartbeats pounding in my chest. I have a follow up with Henry next week."

"Good, glad to hear it. How's your back and hip?" 

"Stiff once in a while, not too much pain unless I push myself too hard. Tylenol and the heating pain work pretty well if I overdo it."

"OK, keep up with the PT," Jill said as she crumpled up the remains of her lunch. "We're going to get a weight, check your pressure and draw a little blood," she mentioned as she made a few notes in his chart. "Let's go."

"Blood?" Josh whined as he got up from the chair and reached for his cane.

"Just routine, no big deal," Jill assured him with a laugh.

"A sharp object stabbed through my skin is not routine," Josh protested in vain. He kicked off his sneakers and stepped onto the scale. Both he and Jill were thrilled to see he'd gained 3 pounds back.

"Keep it up," Jill said proudly. "I want to see another few pounds on you by your birthday."

"I'll do my best," Josh said with a little salute. Jill just shook her head at him and motioned for him to go into the exam room.

A quick exam yielded a normal pulse, a blood pressure that was better than usual and no passing out from the blood draw. All in all a very good check up. Jill sent Josh on his way with a lollipop and a smile.

 

Josh called Donna to share the good news while he waited for Ben to pick him up. He got her voice mail and left a message for her to call him back. 

"How'd it go?" Ben asked as Josh slid into the passenger's seat. Normally he didn't ask about Josh's appointments but given the broad grin and cocky swagger he figured it was good news.

"No problems, no new meds, gained 3 pounds," Josh said proudly. 

"Great," Ben said as he pulled the car out into traffic. 

"I think it's time to get the office in order for next semester," Josh announced as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"Sure, you want to start tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I'm going to start getting some notes and books together this afternoon. We can hit the office tomorrow and decide where to start." Ben just glanced over him and chuckled. "What?"

"You going to do note cards too?" Ben asked with a laugh.

"Shut up and drive to the nearest Starbucks," Josh said with a grin.

*******************

Fueled by the good news from Jill, an iced coffee from Starbucks and the sounds of Jimmy Buffett, Josh sat down at his desk in his study and got to work. He went over his schedule for the semester, pulled out his old lecture notes and started to read. By the time he'd finished going through his notes for Elements of Political Theory he was buzzing from too much caffeine and stiff from sitting at his desk. He got up and walked around a little, mentally going through a list of things he needed to do at his campus office. Knowing he'd only remember half of them by morning if he didn't write them down he sat down on the couch and reach for the pad of paper on the end table. His list grew as he thought of more and more things to do. When he got down to the end of the first page Ben appeared in the doorway. "I'm leaving to pick up Annie at the airport. Need anything before I go?"

"Nope. And you don't have to come back tonight," Josh added with a grin.

"You sure?"

"Go, have fun," Josh teased with a wave of his hand. "We'll go over to my office when you get home. Don't hurry."

"Thanks," Ben said with a grin as he headed down the hall. He quickly packed an overnight bag and headed for his car. 

Josh couldn't remember the last time he'd spend the night at home, alone. Ten minutes later, with the CD player blasting some old Bruce Springsteen tunes Josh hunted in the refrigerator for something to make for dinner. He thought of just ordering a pizza but he was in the mood to cook. An hour later he sat down to a plate of linguini with clam sauce and, heeding Donna's voice in his head, a bowl of salad.

After putting the leftovers in the fridge and washing up the dishes Josh turned on the television flicking through the channels in the hopes of finding something worth watching. He was unsuccessful and flicked the set back off with a groan. Knowing he should organize a few more things before he and Ben headed for the office the next day he made a cup of green tea and went back into the study. 

A little after midnight he shoved the last of his notes into his backpack and turned off the light. He put the mug in the sink and locked up the house. Sleep came quickly, much to his surprise.

******************

A little after 1:00 the next afternoon Ben pulled his car into Josh's parking space at Georgetown. Josh threw his backpack over his shoulder while Ben pulled the box of books out of the trunk. Ten minutes later Josh stood in the doorway of his office sighing. Much to his chagrin, the "cleaning fairy" hadn't made an appearance and he was faced with the mess he'd left there 6 weeks earlier. Wishing he'd listened to Donna and cleaned his office after his last exam he stepped over the threshold and dropped his backpack on the floor with a thud. Ben just shook his head as he put the box on the table.

"Don't say it," Josh warned as Ben took a good look around at the mess.

"Okay," Ben smirked. He turned on the lights and opened the blinds to let in some light. Josh got to work clearing off the desk while Ben found a rag in the drawer and set out to get rid of some of the dust. Weeks’ worth of dust started to float through the air sending Josh into a sneezing fit. Ben muttered a sheepish apology and opened the windows to let in some fresh air. 

When the top of the desk was cleared off enough to work Ben stopped his cleaning and sat down to do some work on the computer compiling the files that needed to be sent to Josh's students. He emailed the necessary information and set up a database for each class, making things as easy for Josh to understand as possible. Over the years Josh had become a little more adept at using the computer but there were still times he needed a little help. Much to his displeasure his young sons were always eager to show him how to do things, and tease him at the same time.

"Hey Ben," Josh asked as he sat down to rest, having finished organizing one of the bookcases.

"Hmmm?" Ben muttered as he grabbed a stack of paper and put it into the printer.

"How's Annie?" Josh asked as matter of factly as he could.

"Uh...fine," Ben answered, clearly having no idea why Josh asked that question.

"Fine?" Josh asked with a grin.

"OK, good...things are great between us," Ben replied with a puzzled look on his face.

"So how long has it been?" Josh asked as he propped his feet up on the desk, clearly gearing up for a long conversation.

"Almost 10 months," Ben answered as he put his own feet up. "Is there a point to this conversation?" he asked with a wry smile.

"Just wondering," Josh muttered hoping that answer would be sufficient.

"Sure," snorted Ben. He'd known Josh long enough to know better. "You don't just start conversations for the hell of it," he pointed out.

Josh chuckled, "Good point," he agreed. "I noticed something at the mall last night," he said cryptically.

"What, that I have better taste in clothes than you?" Ben replied. He was pretty sure he knew exactly what Josh was talking about but didn't want to say it, just in case he was mistaken.

"No. But you have pretty good taste in jewelry," Josh said simply. He leaned back a little more in his chair, lacing his fingers across his chest waiting as patiently as he could for Ben's reaction.

Ben gave a little shrug of his shoulders as he dropped his head a little and nervously ran a hand through his dark hair. "I was...I was just looking," he muttered.

"Nothing wrong with that," Josh said as Ben stood up. Josh let him be for a minute, watching with amusement as the younger man paced around much like he used to do back in his White House days. Ben stopped by the desk and grabbed the picture Josh kept next to the phone. It was a picture of Josh and Donna taken in Manchester during Jed Bartlet's second campaign. They were sitting on the steps of the farmhouse, Donna sitting a step below Josh, his arm draped over her shoulder. It was a perfectly candid photo, neither one of them were looking at the camera at the time Abbey had snapped it.

"When did you know Donna was the one?" Ben asked as he carefully set the photo back in place.

"The second she barged into my office," Josh smirked. Ben just rolled his eyes. "I think the Christmas after I was shot. But it was a long time until we felt comfortable enough to admit our feelings. We wasted a lot of time." 

"Is it too soon to be thinking about spending my life with her?" Ben asked honestly.

"No, it's not. The two of you aren't kids. It's been almost a year," Josh answered. "Have you actually discussed this with Annie?"

"We've talked about the future in vague terms. I mean, I still have two years of law school left. I'm up to my ears in student loans. I'm not exactly prepared to buy a diamond ring at the moment."

"I don't really think Annie's all that worried about the size of the diamond," Josh pointed out.

"I know she's not. But I still want to do things right. Know what I mean?" Ben asked as he continued to pace around.

"Of course. So are you planning on asking Doug for Annie's hand in marriage?" Josh asked with just a hint of teasing in his voice. At that question Ben paled considerably and collapsed back into the chair behind the desk.

"Oh God, I hadn't even thought about that," he muttered.

"I was really kidding about that," Josh pointed out. "Besides, Doug's not that bad," Josh said in a tone that didn't quite cover up the fact that he really didn't like Douglas Westin.

"Doug's okay. It's Gus that scares me," Ben said as he actually shivered a little.

"Gus? He's a nice kid. What's wrong with him?"

"He's nice enough but I don't think he likes me. And frankly he could squash me like a bug," Ben stated as he shuttered at the thought of Annie's younger brother. At 18 he was 6'3" and had been offered a full scholarship to play football for Notre Dame in the fall.

"He could squash both of us," teased Josh. "Is it just money that's standing in your way?"

"That and overwhelming fear," chuckled Ben.

"Well, I can't do anything about the fear but I might be able to do something about the other thing."

"No, Josh," Ben said firmly. "You and your family have done enough for me. I can't take your money." Josh just nodded, conveying an understanding he could relate to. Ben reminded him of a younger version of himself, independent, proud and stubborn. Josh dropped the subject, for the time being. 

As the two men got back to work Josh formulated a plan while he organized the bookcase. It was one he needed Donna's input before he mentioned it to Ben. Ben could practically hear the wheels in Josh's head turning but did his best to ignore them.


	7. Chapter 7

"So, I guess you missed me?" Donna teased two nights later as she and Josh curled up naked under the covers, sweaty and spent from celebrating her homecoming.

"I did. But having time to myself was nice too. Ben and I got things organized in my office on campus. I got my lecture notes together."

"Good."

"Ben went to Annie's one night. Had the whole house to myself," Josh said with a grin as he reached for the glass of water on the night stand. 

"Is Ben okay? He was pretty quiet on the ride home from the airport." Donna asked as she held out her hand for the water.

"Yeah. He's fine. He's thinking about proposing to Annie."

"What?" Donna cried excitedly as she sat up, nearly pouring the water on Josh.

"Whoa Donnatella, calm down a little. He's thinking about it. He's not proposing at this very moment," Josh teased as he took the glass and put it down before he ended up with ice water in his lap, his naked lap.

"What's he waiting for?" she asked.

"The overwhelming fear to go away and the money tree in the backyard to start bearing fruit," Josh said with a grin.

"Well, he's on his own with the fear. But we can do something about the money part," Donna suggested, getting more and more excited with each passing second.

"He won't take anything. I already hinted at the fact we would certainly be able to help him."

"But he's too independent and stubborn."

"Yeah. But I was thinking..."

"That's what I smell," Donna snorted as she climbed out of bed to get something to sleep in. A pillow flying across the room hit her in the back of the head as she walked to the other side of the room. "Nice aim," she teased as she tossed it back at Josh. He wasn't expecting the pillow to come back and had picked up the water. He shrieked as the ice water landed in his lap. He hopped up off the bed, nearly tumbling over in the process from the blanket tangled around his legs. Donna just watched with amusement after she realized he wasn't about to end up on the floor.

"A little help here," he snorted as he sat on the edge of the bed and untangled himself. Donna tossed him a towel and a pair of boxers to put on. "I didn't need a cold shower," Josh deadpanned as he pitched the wet towel in the general direction of the bathroom.

"You were thinking about something?" Donna reminded him as she pulled on a pale yellow nightshirt and sat down in the overstuffed chair.

"Oh yeah," Josh muttered as he suddenly remembered his idea. He hopped off the bed again, this time he grabbed his cane. He went into the walk-in closet, leaving Donna completely bewildered. When he didn't come back out right away she went in after him. She found her husband sitting on the floor in the back of the closet struggling to open the safe that was built into the far wall. Dealing with locks of any kind had never been one of Josh's strong suits, from hotel keycards to remembering the key code to get into the car he tended to be a little helpless. So as was expected he was having trouble getting the safe to open. "Could you please give me a hand?" he asked with his patented puppy dog look.

Donna just laughed and shook her head at her rather pathetic looking husband. She knelt down next to him, pushing his hand out of the way. With no problem at all she turned the dial and unlocked the safe. She opened the door and scooted over a little so Josh could find whatever it was he was looking for.

She had just figured out what he was searching for when Josh pulled out a black velvet bag. He handed Donna the bag and stood up. They sat down cross legged on the bed. Donna pushed the covers out of the way as Josh pulled the bag open. He shook the contents out onto the bed, a pair of cuff links that had belonged to his father, his parents' wedding rings, his grandmother's broach and a pair of pearl earrings Joanie had gotten for her thirteenth birthday. The last thing to come out of the bag was what he was looking for. 

Just before Josh had joined the Bartlet campaign his parents had celebrated their 50th and final wedding anniversary. His Dad had given his Mom a beautiful platinum ring with three diamonds. It was his mother's wish that the diamonds be used for engagement rings when the boys were older. That left one diamond remaining. Josh had wanted to have a piece of jewelry made for Donna but she talked him out of it. She wasn't really into wearing a lot of jewelry; she wore her own diamond and wedding ring, a birthstone ring Josh had given her for Christmas and on most days, simple pearl earrings Josh had given her on their wedding day. She had Josh's mother's engagement ring she wore on special occasions but didn't feel the need for more.

As she watched Josh finger the contents of the bag she could tell he was starting to get a little emotional. She reached to cover his hands with hers. He looked up at her with watery eyes. "Is it okay if I offer Ben the third diamond?" he whispered. Donna just nodded and reached to wipe away the tears that were pooling in Josh's eyes. "Thank you," he whispered as he pulled her close, holding her, seeking comfort in her embrace. 

As quickly as the emotions had surfaced they receded. Josh put everything but the ring back into the bag and Donna put it back in the safe while he put the ring in the drawer of his nightstand and went to use the bathroom.

Donna turned out the light and climbed back in bed. Josh returned a few minutes later, crawled into bed and curled up in Donna's embrace. "You ok?" she asked quietly as she brushed back his hair and kissed his forehead. 

"Yeah, I think so," Josh whispered into her neck as he settled his head on her shoulder. "I don't know what happened."

"It's ok. How about we just blame it on your meds," Donna teased lightly as she suggested Josh's long standing and favorite excuse. Josh just chuckled and nodded.

*****************

Friday morning dawned rainy and chilly. Donna got up early and headed into the office, leaving Josh curled up under the covers. 

A little after 8 Josh woke to the sound of rain pelting the windows. He let out a groan and pushed the covers back a little. He debated staying where he was but he knew there was a long list on things to do sitting on the desk in the study. With an exaggerated sigh he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. The usual stiffness which accompanied the rainy weather had set in and it took a minute for him to get his bearings before he was ready to actually take a step.

Josh found Ben in the kitchen eating cereal and toast. He offered to make something for Josh but Josh declined, grabbing a bagel out the bag on the counter. As he popped it in the toaster he turned on the small television mounted under the cabinet. He flicked the channel to CNN to catch the morning headlines.

"So how much stuff do we have to do today?" Ben asked, knowing Donna had been making a list the night before.

"No idea, the list is on the desk."

"I'll get it," Ben offered as he waved Josh back down in his seat.

"We'll, looks like you'll be pretty busy," Ben announced as he tossed the list on the table. There were a few things that Ben needed to do, like go to the food store and pick up the dry cleaning but most of the items on the list were for Josh to do.

Josh picked up the sheet of paper and started to read. With each item he groaned a little louder. He had to call his therapist and make an appointment, make dentist appointments for himself and the boys, reply to a few social invitations, none of which he really wanted to go to in the first place, sort through the clothes in his closet and do some laundry.

"Where do you want to start?" Ben asked as he refilled Josh's coffee cup. Before Josh could answer, the house shook with a huge crack of thunder and a flash of lightning.

"Something that doesn't involve going outside," Josh teased. I'm going to make my phone calls; you work on the shopping list."

"Will do," Ben muttered as he gave Josh a mock salute and grabbed the pad of paper off of the counter. He opened the fridge to check out the food situation while Josh limped down the hall towards his study. 

The rain tapered off after lunch so Ben and Josh were able to go out and get the errands done. They stocked up on food, picked up the dry cleaning and made a stop at the bank. While they were out Josh tried to bring up the subject of the diamond but there just didn't seem to be an opportunity.

Faced with a busy weekend Josh put the idea of trying to find time to talk to Ben about Annie aside for another time. He put the ring back in the safe in the bedroom until the time was right.

*****************

As the remaining weeks of the summer wore on the Lyman household was filled with activity. The boys returned from camp full of stories about hiking, swimming, and in the case of Jake, a little red-haired girl named Janie. He denied liking her and turned red whenever Jessie brought up her name, yet every morning he was on the computer checking for email from her.

By the week before Labor Day, life was flying by in a blur of back to school clothes, supplies and medical appointments for Josh. He had a session with his therapist, a quick check up with Henry and he and the boys had dentist appointments on Friday morning.

By late Friday afternoon Josh was exhausted beyond belief. Ben had taken the boys out for pizza and to see a movie. Donna was on her way home from work and Josh was standing in front of the refrigerator trying to decide what to make for dinner. Nothing looked remotely appealing due to the combination of a sore mouth from the dentist and absolutely no appetite for the past couple of days. He grabbed a bottle of Snapple and closed the fridge with a sigh. He curled up in the recliner in the family room, figuring when Donna came home they could decide what to do about dinner. 

Donna came in half an hour later having been on a Metro train that stopped dead for 20 minutes, for no apparent reason. She was hot, hungry and more than a little worried about Josh. His appetite had been waning for a few days and she knew that when that was combined with a trip to the dentist she'd be fighting with him over the weekend to get him to eat. When she had talked to him earlier, right after he'd come home from the dentist, the conversation had been a little comical as Josh still had a mouth full of Novocain. But she knew the comical portion of the day was over; he'd more than likely be cranky and in pain.

"Josh," Donna called as she closed the door behind her and dropped her tote bag on the floor next to Jake's basketball and Jessie's baseball glove. She made a mental note to remind her sons about leaving sports equipment in the foyer. When she didn't get an answer from her husband she headed for the kitchen and a cold bottle of water. With dismay, but not much surprise, she noticed there were no enticing smells coming from the direction of the kitchen. Obviously Josh's appetite hadn't made a reappearance. Donna grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and an apple from the basket on the table. She found Josh sound asleep in the recliner, the television tuned to CNN. She pried the remote out of Josh's hand and muted the sound. He didn't even move so Donna left him to sleep while she went to get changed out of her work clothes.

Josh woke a few minutes later more than a little disoriented. He knew he had been listening to the television when he fell asleep and he knew he didn't put an apple and a bottle of water on the coffee table. He sat up slowly as he got his bearings. Reaching for his cane he called to Donna.

"In the bedroom," she called back as she pulled an old t-shirt of Josh's over her head. She'd given up on any thoughts of going out for a nice dinner. She was now hoping for decent Chinese takeout.

"Hey," Josh said from the doorway to their room. He leaned wearily against the doorjamb, aimlessly tapping his cane against his foot. He tossed Donna her apple and kept the bottle of water for himself.

"I guess I don't have to ask how you're feeling." Donna smirked as she took in the dark circles under his eyes, set off by his paler than normal complexion. Josh just shook his head as she crossed the room to give him a quick hug and kiss. Josh held onto her longer than she had expected. Clearly he was in need of a little comforting, something Donna was more than happy to provide. She led him to the overstuffed chair in the corner and he collapsed with a sigh. Donna sat down on the arm of the chair, her long legs thrown carelessly over Josh's. She tucked her hair behind her ears and leaned over to kiss Josh's forehead in a not so subtle attempt to check his temperature. He was a little warm. "Did you take Tylenol?" she asked as she lightly touched his cheek and then ran her fingers through his unruly graying hair.

"Yeah, couple hours ago."

"Good. What have you eaten?" she asked, pretty sure she already knew the answer to her question.

"Not much but I drank enough to keep myself out of trouble," Josh assured her.

"Well, I'm starving so I'm ordering Chinese. What do you want me to order for you?" she asked, making certain to phrase the question as---what do you want, as opposed to---do you want anything. Just a little trick she'd learned over the years.

"Wonton soup," Josh replied after a little thought.

"Okay," Donna said as he gave him one last kiss before standing up and reaching for the phone. As she sat on the edge of the bed making the call Josh pulled his legs up a bit and did his best to curl up into a ball. He shivered in the air conditioning and Donna tossed him the afghan from off the edge of the bed. "You took the sweet air at the dentist didn't you?" Donna asked with a bit of teasing in her voice after hanging up the phone. Josh just nodded. It could be in the 90's outside but the shivering side effect from the gas stuck with Josh longer than most people. Donna sat back down on the arm of the chair, maneuvering Josh so his head rested on her thigh. She rubbed his back and they talked about their respective days, the logistics of the first day of school and what needed to be done over the weekend.

"Go get some drinks," Donna suggested to Josh 20 minutes later as the doorbell chimed, announcing the arrival of their dinner.

They curled up on the couch of the family room to eat. Josh had gotten to the remote first so Donna's hope for a nice romantic movie was dashed by the Orioles game. Donna managed to get Josh to eat most of the soup and a few bites of chicken and broccoli before he started to protest. She made sure he drank something and then gave up the issue for the night. He'd had enough to drink that his 'dehydrating act' wasn't likely to make an appearance.

"Why don't you go to bed?" Donna asked a little after 8:30 as Josh struggled to keep his eyes open to watch the game.

"I'm fine," he whispered, his declaration all but ruined by a yawn. Donna just laughed at him and got up to clear away the remnants of their meal. She loaded the few dishes in the dishwasher, put on water for tea and took some steaks out of the freezer for dinner the following night. As she waited for the kettle to whistle she grabbed the mail off the table in the foyer, obviously Josh hadn't been in the mood to deal with it earlier in the day. The junk mail got tossed in the trash and the bills set aside. There was a little pink envelope addressed to Jake. Donna turned it over to read the return address stamped on the back. It was from a Janie W. in Baltimore. With a smile Donna set it at Jake's place at the table where he'd be sure to find it in the morning.

When the kettle let out a high pitched whistle she poured the water for her tea and stuck her head into the family room to see if Josh was still awake. "Do you want some tea?" she asked when she realized he was indeed awake.

"Yeah, green. Thanks," he muttered as he turned his attention back to the television. There was excitement at the Orioles game. They weren't winning but one of their players had managed to hit the ball over the stands in right center, sending the ball onto Eutaw Street, not something that happened very often.

Josh managed to drink most of the tea before his eyes started to slide closed. Donna took the mug from him and tossed a pillow in her lap. Josh curled up with his head in her lap as he relinquished control of the remote. Donna turned to CNN to catch the headlines before settling on a Lifetime movie. As was customary the mere theme music from the Lifetime channel put Josh to sleep.

As the movie ended at 11 Donna heard the front door open and Ben and the boys come in. She carefully slid off the couch to greet them and to keep them from barreling through the house at top speed and volume. She figured correctly that they all had soda and candy at the movies. And from experience she knew her own sons handled the combination of caffeine and sugar about as well as their father. Which meant it could take a while for her to get them settled down. Ben she would leave to his own devices as he would probably fix himself a snack and make his usual late night phone call to Annie.

"MOM," the boys called loudly as Donna came into the kitchen. She put a finger to her lips in an effort to control the noise level. They got the hint in an instant as Jake and Jessie sat down at the kitchen table to tell her about their night out. Ben said his goodnights and headed into his room with a bottle of lemonade and a leftover egg roll.

It was almost 11:30 by the time Donna had heard the entire plot of the movie as well as a complete description of the pizza they'd eaten for dinner. She sent Jessie up to get ready for bed as he was fading fast. He tried to mutter a sleepy protest but Donna sent him off with a pat on the rear.

"This came in the mail for you," Donna said as she handed Jake the pale pink envelope. He instantly turned a nice matching shade of pink and smiled a dimpled Lyman smile as he took the letter and headed for his room. 

Donna reached for the remaining few pieces of mail she hadn't had a chance to look at. There was a rather thick envelope addressed to the Lyman Family from Abbey and Donna ripped it open with curiosity. Inside was a beautiful, and Donna assumed handmade, invitation to Jed's 75th birthday celebration. On the front was an adorable picture of Jed as a young child. He couldn't have been more than 4 or 5. He was sitting on the front steps of the Manchester farmhouse, a stray lock of hair dipping over his forehead he was grinning for the camera. Donna smiled as she opened up the card. On the inside cover were two more photos, one of Jed and Abbey on their wedding day and a shot of Jed as he sat at his desk in the Oval Office. 

On the opposite side were the details of the party. It appeared to be more than just a party; it looked like an entire weekend of festivities to be held the third weekend of October. Donna mentally went through her calendar and the dates for the party didn't sound familiar to her and she made a note to mark the weekend down first thing in the morning. There was to be a small gathering at the farmhouse on Friday night, a party at the Bartlet Library on Saturday and an open house at the farm on Sunday. She put the invitation on the counter where Josh would see it in the morning. Flipping quickly through the remaining few pieces of mail she came across another invitation, addressed to Ben. She put it on the counter and turned out the lights before heading to try and rouse Josh enough to get him in bed.

"Josh," she whispered as she brushed back his hair. He was warm and pale and she realized there was probably more going on than the lingering effects of a trip to the dentist. Jake had had some kind of virus earlier in the week, nothing major, a little fever and sore throat, he was better the next day. Which would translate into a minimum of 3 days for Josh to recover and as school started for him in 4 days Donna made a mental note to call Jill in the morning. "Josh," she said again as she knelt down next to him. He groaned a little but made no effort to get up. Knowing that spending the night on the couch would result in Josh complaining about his back she shook him until he woke up enough to get into bed.

"That was mean," Josh said sleepily as Donna tossed the sheet over him after helping him undress enough to be comfortable.

"You'll live. Stay awake until I can get some Tylenol," she said as she turned to go into the bathroom. Josh managed to do as he was told. He took the pills and closed his eyes with a sigh. "Abbey's throwing a big party for Jed's birthday," Donna mentioned as she pulled off her shorts. The reaction she got was nothing more than a soft snore. She chuckled to herself as she sat down on the edge of the bed. She pulled her hair out of the scrunchie and curled up next to Josh.

****************

Josh managed to wake himself from his nightmare before Donna woke up. He untangled himself from the sheets and went to use the bathroom. After washing his hands he stood in front of the mirror gathering a little brain power so he could actually orient himself to a few things, like time, space and why he felt like crap. His shivering gave way to the realization he was probably running a fever. He pressed his hand against his forehead in a poor attempt to gauge his temperature. Figuring that using the ear thermometer was almost as easy and much more accurate he pulled it out of the medicine cabinet. "Great, 100.4," he muttered a minute later. He glanced at the clock on the shelf and called upon his brain power once again to come to the correct conclusion that it was too soon for more Tylenol.

Figuring there wasn't much more to be done in the bathroom Josh pulled on his bathrobe and headed to the kitchen for something to drink. He found Ben sitting on one of the stools at the counter. He had a glass of milk in front of him and an empty banana peel sitting on a napkin next to him. His thoughts were clearly miles away.

"Warm milk?" Josh teased from the doorway. Ben hadn't heard him come down the hall and the sound of Josh's voice nearing sent him toppling off the stool.

"Jeez Josh, make a little noise coming down the hall," Ben teased right back. "What are you doing up?" he asked as Josh opened the refrigerator door. "And why do you look like hell?" Ben asked he took a good look at Josh. Lit by only the light over the stove and the light coming from the fridge Josh looked downright ghostly. Ben slid off the stool and grabbed Josh's arm before he ended up on the floor. He led Josh across the room and deposited him in one of the chairs at the table, figuring Josh wouldn't be in any shape to actually sit and balance himself on one of the stools. "You thirsty?" Ben asked as he stared at Josh, who at the moment looked like he was going to either pass out or puke. Josh just nodded and put his head on the table, suddenly losing whatever small amount of energy he'd had. "Drink some of this," Ben said as he put a bottle of Gatorade on the table. "Josh," he muttered as he poked Josh on the shoulder. Josh sat up suddenly, not the brightest thing he could have done as what small amount of color he had in his face drained away and Ben was left with the split second decision to either hold Josh upright or grab a bowl out of the dish drainer. He opted for the bowl, figuring it was easier to pick Josh up off the floor than it was to get a mop. "Put your head down," he said as he handed Josh a green Tupperware bowl. Ben considered yelling for Donna but he didn't really want to wake the whole house up. He pulled a chair in front of Josh and sat down, and waited. Fortunately for all involved Josh didn't end up needing the bowl.

"Here," Josh muttered as he handed the bowl back to Ben and took the Gatorade with the other. He took a few calming breaths and a few sips of Gatorade to pull himself together a little. "Thanks," he whispered with a clearly embarrassed tone in his voice.

"No problem," Ben said with a grin. "You okay now?"

"I think so." Ben looked at him warily. Josh looked far from fine. Without thinking he reached out to press his hand against Josh's forehead. He pulled it back quickly both from embarrassment over his action and the feel of the heat radiating off Josh. 

"Sorry," Ben managed to croak out hoping Josh wouldn't get annoyed.

"No problem. As long as you don't start kissing my forehead to check my temperature, we're fine," Josh assured him with a grin.

"No danger of that. You want some Tylenol?" Josh just nodded, it hadn't quite been long enough but he was past the point of caring about little details like that. Ben handed him two and stood there while he took them.

"Go back to bed," Josh said as Ben did his best to stifle a large yawn. Ben just nodded and headed to his room. As he turned the corner he turned around with the intention of asking Josh if he needed any help getting back to his room as Ben noticed he didn't have his cane with him. But as he glanced over his shoulder it was clear Josh wasn't quite ready to go back to bed. He had turned his chair around so he could look out the window at the deserted street, his thoughts a million miles away. Ben silently turned towards his room, leaving Josh alone.

Eventually Josh did manage to summon the energy to return to bed. He crawled under the covers about 30 seconds after Donna had woken up to find him missing. "You okay?" she asked as he tried to get comfortable.

"Yeah," Josh sighed. "Took Tylenol," he added, cutting off her next question.

"Okay," Donna whispered as she closed her eyes again.


	8. Chapter 8

"Mom, I need new sneakers," Jake announced the next morning as he poured himself a bowl of cereal.

"Whatever happened to...good morning, Mom...did you sleep well?" Donna asked in mock exasperation as she poured him a glass of juice.

"Yeah, good morning," he said around a mouthful of Corn Flakes. "I need sneakers."

"Well Jacob, I kind of figured that, seeing as school starts in a few days, you've trashed your old sneakers and your feet probably grew two sizes over the summer," Donna deadpanned as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

"So can we go today?" Jake asked eagerly.

"Yeah, can we?" Jessie asked joining the conversation as he came into the room still half asleep. With his hair going in all directions and dimples flashing, he was a younger, blond version of his father.

"Let me see how Dad's feeling," Donna said as she put a bagel in the toaster.

"What's wrong with Dad...now?" Jake asked, wisely mouthing the last word of his question. Although she didn't actually see him do it Donna was pretty sure he had at least thought it. She decided to ignore it; sometimes it was just the easiest thing to do.

"He wasn't feeling well last night. I don't know if it was just the trip to the dentist or not."

"We both went to the dentist. We're fine," Jake snorted as he pointed to himself and his younger brother.

"You had your teeth cleaned. Dad had a deep filling put in," Donna reminded him in a tone that let him know his current attitude was not going to be tolerated for much longer.

"Besides, you were sick last week, you dork," Jessie added as he stuck out his tongue. "You probably gave it to him."

"Boys," Donna warned. They settled down to eat while Donna read the paper. Ben appeared, lured into the kitchen by the smell of fresh brewed coffee. 

"Josh up yet?" he asked as he took the sports section Donna was holding out for him. She shook her head as she had a piece of bagel in her mouth. "I ran into him a little after 1:00 here in the kitchen. Didn't look so good."

"As usual," Jake muttered under his breath as he made a quick escape from the room. Both Donna and Ben heard his comment but Donna let it slide and Ben didn't say a word. He made it a point not to get involved in situations like that as long as he could help it.

"He wants to go shopping for sneakers," Donna said as a way of explaining what had just happened.

"Ah, so go ahead. I'm going to be around today. I can 'baby-sit'," Ben teased.

Jessie turned on the television to watch cartoons. He hated when Jake said things about Josh. More than once their arguing about their Dad had led to pushing and shoving. Jessie worshipped the ground Josh walked on and nothing angered him more than when Jake put Josh down or made fun of him. 

Donna sat down next to her younger son and patted his back, a gesture that told him she understood. She sat for a few minutes to give Jessie a chance to get his thoughts together in case he wanted to talk about what had just happened. He didn't seem in the mood to talk. Donna understood and didn't press him. 

"Ben are you sure you don't mind hanging out here for a while?" Donna asked as she stood up to put her dishes in the sink.

"It's what you pay me to do," Ben reminded her with a grin. That was the truth but there were times that both Josh and Donna felt funny about asking Ben to do things for Josh, even though when they hired him Josh had just had a stroke and needed much more help. Ben didn't mind doing things for any of the members of the Lyman family, they'd become like family to him. He would always be grateful for the job he had. He loved the whole family, the job had flexibility, time to do all his schoolwork, and above all, it was never, ever boring.

*************************

Donna took a quick shower and got dressed while the boys got ready to go. Josh was still asleep, snoring softly. "Josh," she whispered as she sat down on the edge of the bed. Josh cracked his eyes opened, struggling to see in the bright morning light.

"Time is it?" he mumbled as he sat up a little.

"Almost 10. How are you feeling?" Donna asked as she pressed her lips to his forehead. He seemed a little warm but not too hot.

"Mouth hurts and my head hurts a little," Josh replied after taking a minute to do a little inventory of what hurt and what didn't.

"Throat hurt?"

"Nope," Josh declared after swallowing just to make sure.

"Good. Your cheek is a little swollen," she said as she brushed her fingers along the left side of his face. "Why don't you try some ice?" Josh just nodded.

"Should I call Jill?" he asked.

"I don't know. Let me get the thermometer," Donna said as she disappeared into the bathroom. "I'm taking the boys out for new sneakers in a little while. Ben will be around."

"He doesn't need to baby-sit me," Josh complained.

"He's not babysitting you," Donna called from the bathroom. "He's just here in case you need anything. And, as he keeps reminding me, that is what we pay him for."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Josh muttered as he tossed back the covers. He sat up and turned his head a little so Donna could get check his temperature. 

"Just under 100," she announced as she put the thermometer on the night stand. "If gets any higher than 100 call the dentist's office and let him know. Maybe you and Ben can talk later," Donna hinted as she got up to get her sneakers out of the closet.

"About what?" Josh asked. Donna just gave him a pointed look and shook her left hand at him. The diamonds on her ring caught the morning light and the light bulb went off in Josh’s head. "Yeah, okay, I'll try to sneak in a conversation about engagement rings while he's hovering over me," Josh teased. Donna just rolled her eyes and leaned over to give him a quick kiss before he headed for the shower and she headed out to the mall.

By the time Josh was out of the shower and dressed Donna and the boys had already headed out the door. Ben was in the kitchen sitting on one of the stools, checking his email on his laptop. "Morning," he said as Josh came in.

"Morning," Josh repeated with little enthusiasm. He crossed the room, intending to pour himself a cup of coffee. But as he lifted the pot and got a big whiff of it his stomach had other ideas. He put it back down and took a few deep breaths as he put on water to make a cup of tea. Ben noticed but didn't say a word; he didn't want to be accused of hovering over Josh. There was a fine line between concern and hovering, one Ben had learned quickly to toe.

Josh drank a cup of tea and ate some toast while he read the morning paper. "So are you going to go up for Jed's birthday party?" Josh asked matter-of-factly as he picked up a pen to start the crossword puzzle.

"Probably, have to see if I can get off work. I have this really cranky boss," Ben teased. "You want more tea?" he asked as he got up to pour himself another cup of coffee. Josh nodded and turned his attention towards the crossword puzzle. "So I guess Annie's whole family will be there," he muttered as Ben put the mug of green tea in front of him.

"I would assume so," Ben said with a shake of his head. He was beginning to get the feeling he knew where the conversation was headed and he tried to think of a way to cut Josh off before he really got started.

"So Donna and I were talking a few days ago," Josh started as he motioned for Ben to have a seat. The younger man sat down reluctantly as he ran his fingers through his dark hair.

"I take it you were talking about me," Ben said, clearly seeing no way out of the conversation he decided to do his best to get it over with.

"Exactly. I was telling her about your problem," Josh said as he slouched down a bit, clearly getting comfortable.

"My problem?" Ben asked. "I wasn't aware I was having a problem," he said with a slight grin pulling at the corners of his mouth.

"Well, like you said, you seem to have a lack of courage and...well, a lack of cash."

"Josh, like I said before, I won't take your money," Ben said firmly as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Good, I wasn't going to offer you money," Josh teased. "Now, first things first, Donna and I talked this over and we both agree."

"Why do I have the feeling I'm not going to agree," Ben groaned as he got up to pace around the room. Josh just chuckled, sometimes watching Ben was like looking into a mirror of his past. The pacing, the stubbornness, the goofy grin on his face when he talked about the woman he loved.

"You know that I had a sister who died when we were kids, right?" Ben just nodded. He'd heard the story in vague terms; he knew Josh had worshipped Joanie and that she had died in a house fire. "So when my mom died right after Jessie was born I was her only remaining heir. Anyway, she took pride in being what she called a "low-maintenance woman". She didn't have a lot of jewelry or anything like that. Not for lack of trying on my Dad's part. He was a lawyer and could well afford more than he gave her. Anyway, right before I joined Jed's campaign my parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. In the typical style of my mother she didn't want a big fuss made over it. But I did ignore that and threw them a party to celebrate. Anyway, my father bought her a ring. A three diamond ring set it platinum. My mother tried to protest, saying it was too much, she didn't need it. But my father won that round and she wore the ring from the night of the party until the day she died. She left it to the boys so they could use the diamonds when they were ready to propose."

Ben held up his hand in protest knowing exactly where the conversation was headed. "The other stone belongs to Donna. Have something made for her birthday," he suggested as he turned one of the kitchen chairs around and straddled it, resting his forearms against the back.

"I've thought about that, really I have. But like mom, Donna's pretty low maintenance too and she doesn't want another piece of diamond jewelry. She has mom's engagement ring and she wears that once in a while, if we're going out for something special. We want you to have the last diamond." Ben just shook his head. "Would you at least look at the ring?" Josh asked hopefully.

"Fine," Ben agreed knowing if he didn't at least agree to look at it Josh would probably hound him for days to come.

Josh went into the bedroom and flicked on the light in the closet. Donna had put the ring back in the safe when it became clear that it could take Josh a while to bring the subject up with Ben. Josh sat down in front of the safe, hoping he'd be able to actually get it open. It took a few tries and more than a few choice words muttered under his breath but he was able to work the lock and pull out the velvet bag.

"What took so long?" Ben asked with a smirk firmly planted on his face. He knew all about Josh's difficulties with locks.

"Shut up," Josh snorted as he sat back down at the table. He poured the contents out of the bag, hoping to maintain some semblance of emotional control. He handed Ben the ring without a word. Ben turned it over in his hand unable to speak. It was a gorgeous ring, three same sized diamonds set in a thick band of platinum. "I think the stones are just under a half carat a piece. Not exactly huge but they're nearly flawless," Josh said as Ben admired the ring. Josh could tell by the look on Ben's face that he wanted desperately to turn him down flat. But somewhere beyond the mask of stubbornness was a young man in love. 

"I don't know what to say," Ben said as he put the ring on the table. He rested his chin on his crossed arms. "It's beautiful but it's too much. It should stay in the family," he said quietly.

"Ben, how long have you been with us?" Josh asked.

"Three years and two months," he said. "But who's counting?" he added with a smile.

"You are family. If my mother had met you she would have loved you. She would have nagged you about getting a haircut and being too skinny but she would have loved you. There is no doubt in my mind that she would have wanted you to have the diamond," Josh said sincerely. Ben nodded and dipped his head down slightly in an effort to control the emotions he felt welling up inside of him. He did truly think of the Lyman family as his own. His stubborn resolve was fading fast; he looked up and smiled at Josh. 

"Okay," he mouthed not really trusting his voice. Josh just nodded for much the same reason. 

"We'll go to the jeweler soon and get the stone taken out," Josh said simply as he scooped the ring back up and put it back in the bag. He patted Ben on the shoulder and left the room before either of them had an emotional moment they really weren't prepared to handle. 

********************

"Daddy, we're home," Jessie yelled as he came in the front door after the trip to the mall.

"Out back," Josh called over his shoulder. He was sitting at the table on the deck finishing up the crossword puzzle he'd started hours earlier.

"Look at my sneakers," his young son said excitedly as he pushed the sliding door open and ran out onto the deck. Jessie pulled out a Nike box and with a flourish pulled off the top revealing a pair of navy blue and white running shoes. "They look like yours," Jessie said as he pointed towards the well worn pair of sneakers on his Dad's feet. The two pairs were very similar. "And my feet grew into a size 2 over the summer." Josh just watched as Jessie sat down on the lounge chair. He kicked off his old sneakers and put on the new ones to model them.

"Very nice," Josh said as he watched Jessie walk back and forth between the house and the deck steps. He thought back to the days when he got excited about a new pair of sneakers for school. He was positive his enthusiasm had been just as strong as Jessie's.

"I'm going to show Ben," Jessie said as he ran back into the house.

"Put them away in the closet after you show Ben," Donna reminded him as she walked outside. She sat down on the lounge chair Jessie had vacated.

"So, nice shopping trip?" Josh asked as he leaned over from his own chair to kiss his wife.

"It was fine. They both got sneakers, they got some clothes and we went to lunch. How're you feeling?" Donna asked as she pressed her hand to Josh's forehead. Surprisingly he was cool.

"I feel fine. Mouth is still a little sore. Don't think I'm up to eating the steak for dinner but I'm fine," Josh assured her. 

"Good. You certainly look better, not quite so pale. Did you put ice on your cheek?"

"Nope, forgot to do that," Josh said with a shrug of his shoulders. "Where's Jake?"

"I don't know," Donna said as she reached for the pen to fill in the last two answers to Josh's puzzle.

"You did bring him home from the mall, didn't you?" Josh teased as he looked at her answers to the final clues.

"I brought him home," Donna muttered as she sat back down on the lounge chair. Knowing something was wrong, Josh perched on the edge of her chair. He reached to tuck Donna's blond hair behind her ears.

"What happened?" he asked. He really had no idea what was wrong. He had still been sound asleep when Jake had made his earlier comments in the kitchen.

"Jake's just...he's just being Jake," Donna sighed as if that was enough of an explanation.

"What did he do now?"

"He made a few choice comments, muttered a few things under his breath at breakfast this morning," Donna explained. She took care not to divulge what the comments were about. But Josh wasn't an idiot; it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out.

"I take it I don't need to guess what, or should I say, who the comments were about," he sighed as he allowed Donna to pull him back against her, holding him tight. He felt her shake her head, her soft blond hair moving against his cheek. Josh sank immediately into full throttle brooding which was exactly what Donna expected, given the circumstances. She never knew quite what to say when Jake acted the way he'd acted earlier in the day. She never knew if she should tell Josh details about what happened. There were times she did and then there were times like this when she didn't feel that hearing Jake's comments word for word were in Josh's best interest. It wasn't even that Jake had said all that much, it was the tone and body language with which he spoke those few words. The spiteful, hurtful demeanor did a poor job of covering up the pain and disappointment Donna knew was under all the pre-teen bravado. As much as Jake liked to get in his little 'digs' about Josh he had been mortified on the occasions when he'd been caught and Donna made an issue out of it.

"Hey, did you get a chance to talk to Ben?" Donna asked as she absently traced the scar that ran down Josh's chest.

"I did," Josh said, not revealing anything.

"And?" Donna asked as she reached under his shirt to give him a little pinch right above the waistband of his shorts.

"Oww," Josh moaned. Donna ran her fingers over the spot she'd just pinched and Josh relaxed again, figuring he was safe from any more pain. "It wasn't easy but he agreed."

"Really? I thought I would have to take a shot at convincing him," Donna muttered.

"No need for a woman's touch, the master did his work," Josh said. Another pinch to his side wiped the smug look off his face. "Could you stop with the pinching?" 

"Fine," Donna said as she slipped her hand back under his shirt. Josh flinched at the possibility she was lying. But as her hand came to rest just above the waistband of his shorts he relaxed a bit more. Before Donna could ask more questions about his conversation with Ben the relative silence of the house was shattered by the sound of the boys screaming at each other and the sound of one, or both of them, falling to the floor. 

By the time Donna got to the landing at the top of the stairs the yelling had been replaced by the sound of Jessie crying and no sounds coming from Jake. Jessie was sitting on the floor in his room doing his best to curl up into a ball. Torn between wanting to comfort him and wanting to find out just what Jake had done to him Donna stuck her head in Jake's room and with nothing more than a glare from him to the stairs got him to head downstairs.

"Is it too much for Dad to climb the stairs to yell at me?" Jake muttered under his breath as he passed by Donna. She drew a deep breath and counted to ten in her head. She and Josh had never hit the boys but she was as close as she'd ever been to wanting to slap her son. It was a feeling that made her stomach turn and her blood boil.

"Jacob Leo," she said in as controlled a voice as she could manage, "Go back into your room and sit there until someone lets you out," she said in a voice so calm it made Jake shiver. His aura of pre-teen bravado crashed to the floor. He honestly didn't think his mother had heard the comment he'd tried his best to mutter to himself. He swallowed hard and taking in the deadly serious look in Donna's blue eyes he turned to silently go into his room. He closed the door quietly behind him and Donna heard him throw himself on the bed. Jessie seemed to have calmed down a little so Donna took a minute to sit on the top step with her head in her hands to gather her thoughts and send up a little prayer for some help.

As Donna wiped her eyes and lifted her head she saw Josh at the bottom of the stairs. He was standing with his back against the wall watching her. He gave a weak smile and with his hand pushed himself off the wall. Donna watched as he climbed the stairs slowly. When he was a few steps below her she stood and held out her hand towards him. He let go of the banister and took her hand. Donna tried to pull him into her arms but he did his best to resist. It only took Donna a second or two to realize why Josh was reluctant to accept her comfort; he was so close to the edge, as were all the members of his family at the moment. He wanted to keep things together for just a little while longer. Donna let him go with a sigh. "Which one do you want?" she asked as they headed down the hall towards the boys' rooms.

"I'll take him," Josh said as he pointed towards his oldest son's room. Donna just nodded and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder as he knocked on Jake's door. "Come in," came the reply from behind the door. Josh put his hand on the doorknob and with a deep breath pushed it open as Donna did the same at Jessie's door.

The blinds were closed and the light was off in Jake's room when Josh stepped in. Jake was on his bed, stretched out on his stomach with his chin resting on his folded arms. He didn't move or make a sound when Josh entered the room. Actually, at that moment, Jake wasn't sure who had come into his room. But when Josh crossed the room the tapping of his cane against the hardwood floor gave away his identity. Josh could see Jake visibly shutter as the boy took a deep breath and rolled over onto his side. Deciding that maybe a little distance between himself and his son was a good idea Josh sat down on the chair to Jake's desk.

"Mom wasn't supposed to hear that," Jake said as he picked at a loose string on his comforter.

Something inside of Josh just snapped at Jake's comment. "That's not the point," Josh said loudly as he banged his cane against the floor. Jake jumped at the sound and sat up quickly, knowing the best thing he could do was to give his father his full attention and take his punishment like the man that, at 10 years old, he desperately wanted to be. "Are we having a problem I don't know about?" Josh asked as he hooked his cane on the edge of the desk so he didn't take his emotions out on the floor they'd had refinished two years earlier.

"No," Jake replied stubbornly.

"Okay. So what's the problem between you and your brother?" Josh asked. He was quickly getting the feeling that the conversation was going nowhere fast.

"He's a baby," Jake spit out with a disdain in his voice that didn't usually come out when he was talking about his brother.

"He's sensitive," Josh said using a more politically correct term.

"Whatever," muttered Jake.

"What happened before?" Josh asked as he settled in for a long conversation. He crossed his legs, putting his right foot on his left knee and crossing his arms over his chest. Jake just shrugged his shoulders and gave a little roll of his eyes. Josh recognized the move as one of his own, making a little difficult to say anything about it.

"I said some stuff, he got mad, we pushed each other a little, he fell and started crying," responded Jake after another minute or so of stifling silence. He was careful not to explain too much, like what they were yelling about and the fact that he was the one who had started the pushing. As much as Josh didn't buy his little act of evasion, he also didn't really want to hear what they were fighting about; he had a pretty good idea.

"Stay in here until dinner. No video games, no music. When you come down apologize to your brother," Josh said simply. Although what he said made it seem like the conversation was over he made no move to get up and leave the room. Jake just looked at him, the wheels in his head turning as he tried to figure out just what his father was up to at that moment. He was getting off easy and he knew it. He watched as Josh sat in the chair just as comfortable as could be. He glanced at his watch, pushed his glasses up further on his nose and tapped his foot to the beat of the music Ben had on downstairs.

Jake stretched back out on his stomach and tucked the pillow under his chin. He stared at the headboard for a minute, all the while feeling Josh's eyes bore into the back of his head. "It was about you," he whispered a few minutes later when the guilt got the best of him. Josh got up out of the chair and stood up; he hesitated for just a second before crossing the room and sitting down on the edge of the bed. Jake stayed where he was, he didn't want Josh to see the tears of shame pooling in his eyes. "Jessie was all excited about getting sneakers that were like yours. I told him I didn't know why you wear running sneakers, it's not like you run anywhere."

"They're comfortable and I do workout at PT," Josh pointed out.

"I know. Jessie got mad and started yelling some things."

"Like what?" 

"It's not important," Jake said quickly. The last thing he wanted to tell Josh was that Jessie had accused him of not loving his Dad, a notion that wasn't at all true. 

"Okay," Josh said as he put his hand on Jake's back. His touch was enough to send the tears of shame down Jake's cheeks. "Move over a little," Josh said to Jake. Josh settled himself against the headboard and Jake sat up a little. He let Josh put his arm around him and kiss the top of his head. "You know I wish things were different. Right?" Josh asked quietly. Jake just nodded against Josh's shoulder. 

"I wasn't really mad at you. I just wanted to annoy Jessie. He was being so dorky about getting new sneakers," Jake admitted.

"But that doesn't explain this morning," Josh said as he made a split second decision to let Jake know that he'd heard about his earlier comments. Jake tried to back away from Josh but Josh's arm around his shoulders prevented him from going very far. Jake was quiet for a minute, not knowing how to react. "I'm going to go and check on Jessie," Josh said as he got up off the bed and grabbed his cane. Jake watched him cross the room. There was a look of hurt on his face that even a ten year old boy could see.

"I'm sorry Dad," Jake said quietly, his voice on the brink of cracking.

"Saying I'm sorry just isn't enough anymore Jake. You have to prove it, by your words and your actions. You say you don't want to be treated like a baby. Then I suggest you don't act like one," Josh said calmly as he walked out of the room. The tone of his voice and the slump of his shoulders as he left caused Jake's tears to start all over again.

Josh closed Jake's door behind him and stood in the hallway with his back flat against the wall. He took a few deep breaths to try and calm himself down. As he stood with his eyes closed willing himself to stop shaking he didn't hear the door to Jessie's room open. Donna stood for a few seconds watching him, obviously not happy with what she saw. Josh was visibly shaking and very pale. Not wanting to startle him by reaching out to touch him, Donna cleared her throat a little to alert him to her presence. His brown eyes shot open and he banged the back of his head against the wall a little. "Sorry," Donna said as she reached out to pull him into her arms. Josh all but collapsed against her. Unsure of how long Josh was going to remain upright Donna took him by the arm and led him into the guest room. "Sit for a minute," she said, gesturing towards the bed. Josh sat with a weary sigh and scooted back a bit so he was leaning against the headboard. "Put your head down a little," Donna suggested as she slipped his glasses off and gently guided his head down a bit. She rubbed his back while he tried his best to calm down but it seemed to be a losing battle. Growing more fidgety and agitated by the minute Donna was really starting to worry. "Josh, sweetie, what happened? Do you want to talk about it?" she asked as she moved to sit cross legged in front of Josh, mirroring his position. Josh just shook his head. "Was it that bad?" Donna asked, on the verge of going into Jake's room to demand what had gone on. 

"No, it wasn't that bad. It was just....it was just hard. I can't....I can't talk about it," Josh said as he took a few ragged breaths. As his breathing was rapidly spiraling towards hyperventilation Donna turned around to yell down the stairs for Ben. But it turned out that wasn't necessary, just as she took a deep breath to yell Ben appeared in the doorway.

"Okay, we'll talk later about your psychic tendencies," Donna teased as he took a step into the room. Ben just chuckled a little but it was true. He did have this kind of ability to know when his help was needed.

"What do you need?" Ben asked as he surveyed the scene before him. In the 5 seconds he'd been talking to Donna, Josh had gotten up off the bed and was doing to best to pace, without his cane, in the small room. His breathing was ragged and fidgety didn't begin to describe him. He was wound tightly, ready to lose it at any minute. It had been a long, long time since Josh had been so agitated and on the verge of completely losing control. Ben wasn't sure what to do. And truth be told, Donna wasn't too sure either.

"I don't even know. Can you just walk him down the stairs, make sure he doesn't fall. I'm going to check on the boys and I'll be down in a minute. Just let him be," Donna said in a tone that led Ben to realize she didn't really know what to do either.

"Josh," Ben said quietly. It only took the sound of his name for Josh to stop his pacing and face the younger man. It was almost as if Josh didn't quite have a handle on what was going on. Something that scared Donna to death. "Take this," Ben said as he handed Josh his cane. Josh took it and stood still for a minute. He managed to take a few calming breaths and clear his head a little. "You ready to go downstairs?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Josh said, just a little too quickly to be convincing. Ben stepped aside to let him out of the room first. Josh headed for the stairs and walked down slowly. Ben let him pace around as he sat in the kitchen giving him the space he needed.

Donna collapsed on the bed and let herself have a two minute "power cry". It was all she had time for. She checked on the boys, Jake was reading a magazine and he didn't see her peek her head in. Jessie was curled up on his bed, sound asleep. Donna slipped his shoes off and leaned over to kiss his cheek. As she did she discovered he was running a nice fever, probably was coming down with the same thing Jake and Josh had had. That would certainly account for his over sensitivity and the fact he didn't eat much at lunch.

*****************

"Where's Josh?" Donna asked as she came into the kitchen to find Ben in there alone.

"He went out the back door; I think he's on the deck. What the heck happened?" Ben asked as he handed Donna a bottle of water.

"No idea. The boys were fighting. Apparently Jake made some snide comments about Josh, Jessie flipped, and they pushed each other a little. I calmed down Jessie. By the way, I think he's coming down with whatever's going around here. Josh went to talk to Jake. I didn't hear them yelling but when Josh came out of the room he looked like hell. That's all I know. I take it he didn't say anything?"

"Not a word. I tried to get him to sit for a minute and drink something but he just went out the door. Think he just needed to sort through some things. I don't know."

"Me either. It's been a long time since he's been so....so, I don't even know how to describe it. Wired, I guess. I'm going to go out and check on him. Jake's reading and Jessie's asleep. Can you see if we have something to throw together for dinner? There's steak in the fridge and I don't know, we can have salad or something," Donna muttered, her mind clearly going a mile a minute in a million different directions at once.

"I'm sure I can figure something out," Ben assured her. Donna just nodded. "By the way," Ben called as she headed for the back door. "Thank you." It took Donna a second to realize what he was talking about. In the confusion of the past half an hour she'd forgotten that Ben agreed to take the diamond.

"You're welcome."

 

Donna found Josh pacing around the backyard. He didn't look much better than he had when he'd gone downstairs. "Sweetie, come sit for a minute," she called as she sat down on the back steps. Josh sat for all of a minute and a half before he was up pacing again. She watched as Josh wandered aimlessly. He didn't seem at all interested in talking and she assumed, correctly, that he just didn't know how to put things into words. After watching him pace around for another five minutes Donna got up and crossed the yard. She took Josh by the hand and led him towards the swing set. He sat on one swing while Donna sat on the other.

"I don't want to talk about it," he said firmly as he started the swing with his foot.

"Okay," Donna said. She realized that pushing him would get her nowhere fast. She started her own swing and they silently went back and forth in the afternoon sun. 

"Donna, Senator Fernandez is on the phone," Ben called a few minutes later. Donna got up to take the call and was surprised when Josh got up to follow her into the house. He continued his pacing as Donna talked to her boss.

"Do you have to go in?" Josh asked anxiously as Donna placed the phone back in the cradle.

"Not today. He wants me to come in tomorrow morning for a few hours."

"Okay," Josh replied as he sat down on one of the stools at the counter. 

"Do you want some Yoo Hoo?" Donna asked as Josh nervously cracked his knuckles. He nodded and Donna pulled one out of the back of the fridge. 

"Just like old times, huh?" Josh asked with a slight smile. "I have a nutty and you break out the Yoo Hoo." Donna returned the slight smile as she reached across the island to gently cup his cheek. Josh flinched at the contact and Donna pulled back. "Sorry," he whispered as he picked at the label on the bottle. Donna reached to still his hands. 

"I understand if you don't want to talk about it. But you need to calm down. You are way too wired right now."

"And you think Yoo Hoo is going to help?" Josh shot back in a harsh tone he didn't quite intend to use.

"Josh," Donna said firmly. The warning and worry in her voice came through loud and clear in only the sound of his name. As she watched Josh fidget in his seat, struggling to keep from getting up to pace yet again she came to a decision, one she was sure her husband would not look favorably upon. "Honey, I think you need to take something," she said quietly. But the quietness of her tone wasn't enough to hide the insistence behind it. Josh took a deep breath, preparing to launch into loud protest when he looked down at his hands. He put the Yoo Hoo bottle down and watched as his hands shook and wavered as he held them out. He sat back down on the stool. Donna reached over to still his hands. She held them in her left hand and reached to tip up Josh's chin with her right.

"I haven't taken anything in so long," he said quietly. Defeat was evident in his voice and in the look on his face. But deep down he knew it was the right thing to do under the circumstances.

"It's not a big deal Josh."

"It is a big deal," Josh protested as he tried to pull away from Donna. She held onto his hands, not letting him get away, literally or figuratively. Donna completely understood, she really did. It was only on very rare occasions that she suggest Josh take a dose of Ativan. He took Paxil regularly and it really did help to keep things on an even keel. But every once in a while his emotions got away from him and he became so agitated that there was really no other choice. It didn't happen more than once or twice a year and Jill and his therapist weren't too concerned about it. They just made sure that Josh kept some Ativan on hand. One dose always did the trick; he never needed a second one. And in the end he was always glad he'd taken it. But getting him to take it willingly was a hopeless cause. Getting him to take it with a minimal amount of fuss was what Donna usually aimed for.

"It's not," Donna repeated. She was feeling like she was about to be sucked into an endless fight, one which would go round and round until someone just gave up. She didn't think she had that kind of energy. Although it was still afternoon, the day seemed endless already.

"Fine, I'll take it," Josh agreed, much to Donna's surprise. She was expecting much more of a fight and wasn't quite sure how to feel about the fact he wasn't putting up a fight. She went into the bathroom to hunt down the bottle. It had been a while since Josh had taken it and she hoped the pills hadn't expired. Much to her relief the date was still good. She shook one in her hand and put the bottle back behind the extra toothpaste and the box of Band-aids.

By the time Donna used the bathroom and headed out to find Josh, he had wandered into the bedroom. He was standing by the window with his back towards Donna. She put the pill on the nightstand and went over to Josh. She stood behind him peering over his shoulder to see what he was holding in his hand. It was a picture of himself and Jake taken when Josh was working on President Hoynes' campaign. Actually it had been taken on Air Force One by John Hoynes himself. In the photo both Josh and Jake were sound asleep. Jake was stretched across two seats, his head in Josh's lap and his sneaker clad feet hanging over the seat and out into the aisle. Josh was turned sideways in his seat, one hand tucked behind his head, the other resting on Jake's blond curls. "Back when I was "cool"," Josh said as he swiped at the tears that were threatening to fall.

"You're still cool," Donna said as she took the picture from him and set it back on Josh's dresser.

"Jake doesn't think so," Josh muttered as he leaned over to stretch out his back a bit.

"Josh," Donna said in her best warning tone. She buffered her tone a bit as she rubbed his back for a minute. There was no way she was getting into that conversation with Josh right then and there. He was too wired, too emotional and too eager to throw himself a great big pity party. Donna took him by the hand and led him to the bed. Josh sat down on the edge and kicked off his shoes. He took the pill and finished the glass of water before scooting over on the bed a little to give Donna some room next to him. "What do you want to do?" she asked as she reached for his hand. Josh just shrugged his shoulders. He was past the point of knowing what he wanted or needed. Emotions were just fighting for space in his head and in his heart. He was wired, tired, sad, frustrated, mad and confused all at once. "Do you want to go out on the porch swing? How about a bath or a shower? I could make some tea."

"Yeah, tea sounds good," Josh replied quietly. "I'll be out in a minute," he said as he motioned towards the bathroom.

Donna set the tea kettle on the stove as Ben came out of his room. "Everything okay?" he asked quietly as he pulled two mugs out of the cabinet and handed them to Donna.

"Yeah, we're okay. Josh is still pretty agitated; I got him to take an Ativan. The boys are still upstairs," Donna said with a sigh as she sat down on the stool.

"Anything I can do?" Ben asked as he handed the basket of tea bags to Donna so she could pick what kind she wanted. 

"I don't know," she said as she handed him a couple of green tea with honey teabags. "I'm hoping the Ativan will just knock Josh out for a little while. I still have no idea what really happened with Jake, he won't talk about it."

"Did you ask Jake?" 

"No. Maybe after Josh settles down I'll talk to him." 

"Ok. I'll be in my room, yell if you need anything."

Donna slid off the stool as the shrill whistle of the teakettle broke the silence of the room. She poured the water in the mugs and took them into the bedroom. She was fully expecting to find Josh pacing the floor but to her surprise he was curled up in the chair. He started to take the mug from her but it soon became clear to both of them that he was still shaking too badly to handle boiling water. Donna put the mugs on the nightstand and sat down on the ottoman in front of Josh. She took his hands in hers.

"I can't explain what happened," Josh whispered as he once again pulled away from Donna and did his best to curl up into a ball.

"Give it a try," Donna urged as she patted his knee.

"Jake told me he had said some things this morning. Didn't tell me specifically what they were. Guess that's not really important. I didn't yell or anything. But I let him know...not in so many words...."

"Let him know what Josh?" Donna asked.

"That I was...." Josh paused to take a deep breath. "That I was disappointed in him. And that what he said hurt me."

"There's nothing wrong with that. Jake should know how he makes you feel."

"I know...I know but, but I shouldn't have made him feel guilty," Josh managed to croak out.

"There is nothing wrong with Jake feeling a little guilty," Donna assured him as she reached out to him. Josh leaned over a little and let Donna press a kiss to his forehead. She rested her forehead against his for a minute. "Josh, look at me and take a deep breath," Donna said as Josh's breathing was starting to get ragged again. Josh sat back a little and following Donna's lead took a few slow, deep breaths. Donna slipped off his glasses and guided his head down a little. "Just breathe. I'll be right back," Donna promised as she got up off the ottoman to get a cool, damp washcloth from the bathroom.

By the time Donna got back from the bathroom, all of 45 seconds later, Josh was up and pacing again. She watched him for a minute and was actually going to let him pace until he crashed but he was inching closer to hyperventilating and she just wasn't in the mood for that. "Josh sit back down," she said in a voice that left him little room to argue. He sat down cross legged in the chair and she reclaimed her spot on the ottoman. Donna quickly wiped his face and put the cool cloth on the back of his neck. "Breath with me Josh," she said as she tipped his chin up. Josh really did try but a few minutes later Donna was calling Ben to grab a paper bag.

 

"That was dramatic," Josh muttered 10 minutes later as he crumpled up the bag and tossed it in the direction of the wastepaper basket, missing it by a good foot and a half.

"I've seen worse," Donna said with a wry grin. She wiped Josh's face again and kissed his forehead. They talked for a few minutes until it was clear the Ativan was about to kick in. "You're about to crash," Donna whispered as she took the empty mug out of his hand. Josh’s brown eyes were starting to droop and the lisp that only made an appearance when he was over tired had come out in the past 10 minutes or so. "Get into bed," Donna suggested as she pulled back the covers. Any protest Josh had died on his lips as a massive yawn completely took over. He slipped off his shorts and crawled into bed in his t-shirt and boxers. Donna tucked him in and put the damp cloth on his forehead. By the time she had closed the blinds and picked his shorts up off the floor he was sound asleep. She gave him one last glance and closed the door behind her.


	9. Chapter 9

Jessie woke up around 4, a little over an hour after Josh had fallen asleep. In that hour Donna had enjoyed total peace and quiet. Ben had gone to the store to pick up a few things for dinner and Jake had gone with him. When Jake came downstairs to get ready to go out he was pretty quiet. He didn't ask where Josh was and Donna couldn't decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Jake didn't really say anything to Donna either and that was actually fine with her. She was emotionally wiped out and wasn't up to dealing with him.

Donna was just about to doze off on the couch in the family room when Jessie padded down the stairs, wrapped up in an old quilt Josh's mom had made years earlier. With his hair sticking up and his big dimples he looked just like Josh. "I don't feel good," he muttered as he curled up on the couch next to Donna. She brushed back his unruly curls and kissed his forehead to check his temperature.

"I don't imagine you do. You're pretty warm. Let me get the thermometer and some Tylenol. Do you want some Gatorade?" Donna asked as she slid off the couch. Jessie just nodded as he reached for the remote to turn the television on. 

 

"100.8," Donna announced as she held the thermometer out at arms length and squinted at the readout. Jessie took the pills she held out to him. 

"My throat hurts," he said as he put the bottle of Gatorade back on the coffee table. Donna pulled open the small drawer on the end table and pulled out a small flashlight.

"Open up." Jessie tipped his head back so his mom could take a look. "A little red, not too bad. Ears hurt?" Jessie just shook his head. "Good. Why don't you watch TV for a while, I have to get a few things ready for tomorrow. I have to go in to work for a little while in the morning."

"Can I go?" Jessie asked.

"We'll see how you feel. But remember, Megan doesn't work on Sunday," she teased as Jessie rolled his eyes, curled up on the couch and found a baseball game on ESPN.

**************

To say dinner was strained was an understatement. As predicted, Josh slept right through it. Jessie came out to the deck to join them but didn't eat much. Jake inhaled his steak and picked at his salad, just like his father was known to do. Ben tried his best to start a conversation about anything. Donna just ate, annoyed at Jake for not even acknowledging his father's absence from the table and annoyed with herself for letting him get away with it. The awkwardness of the situation was finally broken by the ringing phone. Jessie jumped up to grab it since he wasn't eating anyway. 

"Must have been for him," Donna mused as he didn't come out right away with the cordless. She finished her steak and excused Jake from the table a minute later.

"Here Mom, it's for you," Jessie said, handing her the phone a full ten minutes after it rang. "It's Aunt Margaret," Jessie explained as his mother gave him a strange look. Donna took the phone and her glass of iced tea and headed around the house to sit on the front porch swing and talk to Margaret.

She and Margaret hadn't talked much over the summer and Donna was more than happy to have someone to talk to at that moment. She told Margaret about their summer, the boys’ activities, and the latest with Josh's health and Jake's attitude. They dished about their friends from their White House days. Everyone still kept in contact and most seemed to be planning on going to Manchester for Jed's birthday. 

It took a little convincing but Margaret managed to get Donna to agree to meet for lunch the next day. Donna had tried to get out of it, saying she needed to get home to check on things. But Margaret reminded her that was what they paid Ben to do. Then Donna tried to say she couldn't meet her because Jessie was going to go into work with her. That excuse ended when Ben came out to see if she needed anything. He heard her try to use that excuse and he offered to go into the city to pick up Jessie, if he even went with Donna. Out of excuses Donna relented and told Margaret she would meet her by the Capitol reflecting pool at 1:00.

"Run out of excuses?" Ben teased as Donna came in the kitchen to hang up the phone.

"Yes," she smirked as she put the last few dishes in the dishwasher. "Where are the boys?"

"I think Jessie's watching television and Jake muttered something about checking his email. Guess he's expecting something from Janie," Ben chuckled. "And I haven't seen nor heard from Josh. If you don't need me for anything I'm going to go out for a while."

"Go right ahead. If Jessie goes with me in the morning you can meet us at the Reflecting Pool at 12:45."

"No problem. See you tomorrow," Ben said as he grabbed his keys and baseball hat out of his room before heading out the front door.

Donna started the dishwasher and straightened up a few things in the kitchen. Jake wandered in a few minutes later. "Hey Mom, do you have any thread?"

"Any what?" she asked.

"Thread. The kind you use to do that needlepoint stuff you always say you don't have time to do."

"Floss? There's some in a plastic box in the closet in Dad's study," Donna replied, a little confused why her 10 year old son was looking for embroidery floss. It wasn't like he ever sewed anything before. In fact he was not looking forward to having home ec in school that year.

"OK, great. Thanks," Jake said as he took off down the hallway.

"Jacob?"

"Yeah?"

"Just a little curious, what do you need it for?" Donna asked as she hunted in the junk drawer for the pair of scissors Jake would probably be asking for next. He took them without a word.

Jake stood there shifting his weight from one foot to the other looking like he'd rather be anywhere else. A faint blush rose over his cheeks and he gave a little smile. "Janie sent me a link to a webpage on how to make friendship bracelets. And I want to....I want to make her one," he said, whispering the last part of his explanation. Donna just chuckled at her son as his cheeks went from the faint blush to crimson. Jake turned to head for the study. He got a few feet down the hall and he turned around. "Hey Mom?"

"What honey?" Donna asked as she stood in the doorway to her bedroom. She was just going in to check on Josh.

"How's Dad?" Jake asked sincerely as he leaned against the wall across the hall from Donna.

"I think he's okay," Donna said quietly with a small smile on her face. "I was just going to check and see if he's still asleep. Wanna come with me?" Jake just shook his head. He stared at the floor, making no move to go off in search of embroidery floss. He was quiet for a minute, finally pushing himself away from the wall and wrapping his arms around Donna's waist. She was taken completely by surprise and it took her a few seconds to return the hug. She rested her cheek against Jake's blond curls.

"I'm sorry," Jake whispered.

"I know you are," Donna reassured him.

"Does Dad know I am?" Jake asked as he loosened his grip a little and took half a step backwards. He looked up at Donna with teary blue eyes and it broke her heart.

"I think he knows it, but he'd rather see it than hear it. Know what I mean?" Jake nodded. "Good. Why don't you go get the stuff out of the study and print out the directions? I'll be out in a little while if you need some help." Jake bit his lower lip a little and just nodded before heading down the hall. Donna watched him walk, his pre-teen swagger out in full force.

 

Josh was still sound asleep when Donna went in to check on him. In fact it didn't look like he had moved at all since falling asleep, an unusual occurrence for Josh. Even in his sleep he was rarely motionless. He was always waking up completely tangled in the covers and Donna usual woke up without any covers. Donna pulled the blanket up over him a little more and kissed his cheek. She tossed the nearly dry washcloth in the bathroom and went to the family room to check on Jessie before helping Jake with his project. Jessie was almost asleep himself on the couch. Donna covered him up too. A kiss to his forehead let her know Tylenol had done the job; he was considerably cooler than he had been.

She found Jake sitting in Josh's chair at his desk. Spread out on top of the desk were about 2 dozen small skeins of floss. Obviously Jake was taking the bracelet making rather seriously. "What color do you think?" Jake asked as Donna turned on the overhead light so they could actually see what they were doing.

"I don't know. Is Janie a 'girly girl' or not?"

"Well, she beat me in basketball and caught the most frogs after it rained. And she likes to wear camouflage," Jake answered.

"OK, then I'm guessing pink and purple are probably not the best choices," Donna teased as she put those skeins aside.

"How about navy blue, green and yellow?" Jake asked as he put the colors side by side. Donna nodded her approval as she picked up the directions Jake had printed out. It didn't look too complicated at all, just a fancy braiding pattern it looked like. She helped Jake measure it out and knot all the colors together. The directions said to tape the end down and they decided that maybe taping something to Josh's antique oak desk wasn't the best idea so they took everything out into the kitchen where Jake could tape it to the counter.

"Hey what are you making?" Jessie asked as he wandered out into the kitchen a little before 7.

"Bracelets," Jake answered, not bothering to look up. With his tongue sticking out the corner of his mouth he was completely focused, intent on keeping the knots straight.

"For your girlfriend?" Jessie teased as he made sure he was far enough away from his brother that he wouldn't get punched in the arm.

"Shut up," Jake muttered.

"Boys," Donna warned. "Are you hungry Jessie?" she asked her youngest child, who at that moment was shivering with his head stuck in the fridge. "Must be a Lyman thing", Donna muttered to herself.

"Yeah."

"How about some soup?" Donna offered as she reached out to pull his head out of the fridge.

"Sure. Then can I have ice cream?"

"After you eat something resembling food," Donna said as she pulled a can of chicken noodle soup out of the pantry cabinet. Jessie got a pot out of the cabinet while Donna opened the can. Jessie sat down at the table with a book while he waited for the soup to heat up.

After Jessie finished his soup and ice cream Jake showed him how to make the friendship bracelets. As Donna sat at the kitchen table with her tea and the newspaper she watched as her young sons worked together, encouraged each other and helped each other, the events of the day long forgotten in their minds. At 9 she shuffled them off to bed with a kiss and in the case of Jessie, a dose of Tylenol. She promised to wake him in the morning and if his temperature was normal she would take him along with her when she went to work.

With the boys upstairs and Josh still sound asleep Donna made herself another cup of tea. She read her email, emptied the dishwasher and took a package of chicken out of the freezer for dinner the following night. She swept up the little pieces of colored thread from the kitchen floor and put the scissors back in the drawer so she knew where to find them the next time she needed them.

By 10:00 it seemed as though Josh was just going to stay asleep through the night so Donna put on her own pajamas and curled up in the family room to watch television for a while. Just as the news ended and she was about to head to bed herself, Donna heard the unmistakable sound of Josh shuffling down the hallway. He stood in the archway between the family room and the kitchen looking about as pathetic as Donna had ever seen him, outside of the day he was shot or the day of his stroke. His hair was sticking up in directions Donna didn't think were possible, his eyes were a lovely shade of blood shot red and he was wiping away what she could only assume was dried drool on his cheek. "Auditioning for Night of the Living Dead?" Donna teased, hoping her teasing would be taken in the manner in which it was given. 

It was.

"Cute," Josh muttered as he pushed himself away from the wall, giving himself enough momentum to make it to the couch. He collapsed with his head against the back and his feet propped up on the coffee table. "What time is it?" he asked as he made a half hearted attempt to squint and see the little clock on the DVD player. But without his glasses on that was pretty futile.

"11:30," Donna replied as she tossed an afghan over Josh and leaned over to kiss his cheek. "I was beginning to think you were going to sleep through the night."

"I probably would have, but nature called," Josh muttered as he rubbed his eyes a bit.

"Are you hungry? I could make you something," Donna offered as she stood up and brushed her hair back into the scrunchie she found on the end table.

"I don't know," Josh answered. "Maybe just thirsty," he added a minute later when he realized the mere thought of food didn't sit too well on his stomach.

"A little queasy?" Donna guessed by the vague green look about him. Josh just nodded. "Come into the kitchen, I'll see if we have some ginger ale." She helped pull Josh to his feet and stood next to him while he got his bearings. 

"That Ativan really hit me hard," Josh muttered as he shuffled along, holding Donna's hand.

"You took it on an empty stomach," Donna pointed out. 

When they reached the kitchen she deposited Josh in a chair and hunted in the fridge until she found that last can of ginger ale. As Josh popped the top open she added "ginger ale" to the shopping list which was sitting on the counter.

"So what did I miss?" Josh asked as Donna sat down in the chair diagonal from him. She reached down and pulled his feet into her lap. Josh let out a contented sigh as she rubbed his feet and legs.

"Not much. I think Jessie has what you and Jake had. He ran a fever earlier and didn't eat much at dinner. Had some soup about 7. I think he'll be fine tomorrow. He wants to go with me to work. I told him we'll see how he's feeling first."

"And Jake?" Josh asked as he put down the can of soda.

"He's been quiet. He stayed in his room for a while, and then Ben had to run a few errands so he went along. Dinner was a little, uh strained, I guess would be the right word. Nobody quite knew what to talk about. Jake wanted to make a friendship bracelet for Janie so I got him started on that. He told me he was sorry and that he knows you need to see that he's sorry, as opposed to hearing it. Just not too sure he knows how to show it. He didn't ask for suggestions and I didn't offer any." Josh just nodded and said nothing. Donna watched as he swallowed hard and dipped his head down, suddenly finding himself fighting emotions that had been on the surface for most of the day. She set his feet on the floor and knelt down next to him. Pressing a kiss to the top of Josh's head Donna wrapped her arms around his neck. "Come out to the couch, honey," Donna suggested as she saw his tenuous grasp on emotional control slipping away before her eyes. Josh allowed her to pull him to his feet and guide him back into the family room. 

Donna lit the candle on the coffee table and turned out the light. She stretched out the length of the couch and pulled Josh down until he was more or less on top of her, his head on her chest, one arm thrown across her waist and his legs tangled with hers. As she pressed another kiss to the top of Josh's head she heard the first strangled sob escape his lips. Knowing that words weren't going to help much Donna did her best to comfort Josh by just holding him and rubbing his back. 

When his quiet sobbing gave way to an occasional hiccup Donna brushed back his hair and reached over her head for the box of tissues she knew were on the end table. "Here," she said, handing him a handful of tissues. "Blow your nose and come to bed," she said as she patted his shoulder to get him to sit up and let her off the couch.

"Can we blame what just happened on the Ativan?" Josh teased a few minutes later as he crawled into bed next to Donna.

"Sure," she replied with a grin as Josh settled down with his back to her. Donna wrapped her arm around his waist and pressed a kiss to the back of his shoulder. "Get some sleep. I promise you'll feel better in the morning."

"Yeah, I've heard that one before," Josh snorted as he pulled the sheet up a little more and closed his eyes.

**********************

True to Donna's promise, Josh did feel better the next day and better still three days later as all the male members of the Lyman household got ready for the first day of school. As was typical there was excitement, confusion and an all around feeling of chaos as Donna got her 3 "boys" and her "nanny" out the door in time.

Josh and Ben dropped Jessie at school on their way into the city. Jake, all excited about his first day of middle school walked with his friends. As Donna watched him turn the corner she sat down on the porch swing with her cup of coffee, happy to have half an hour to relax in the newly arrived peace and quiet of the morning.

 

Ben pulled his car into the faculty parking lot of Georgetown. It was a big perk for him. Since Josh didn't drive he gave his parking permit to Ben who was glad to always be able to find a spot, unlike most of his friends.

Josh reached behind him to grab his backpack as Ben checked his reflection in the mirror, running his fingers through his short dark hair. They went over the plans for the rest of the day. Both of them finished around 3 so Ben made plans to meet Josh at his office to give him a ride back home.

With a little wave over his shoulder Ben headed off to class while Josh turned to go to his office to start a new semester. He was teaching two classes in the Fall semester, Elements of Political Theory and Political Behavior. Both classes were on Monday and Wednesday, one in the morning and one in the early afternoon. With physical therapy on Tuesday mornings and office hours on Thursday mornings Josh had a full schedule. Just full enough to keep him busy and leave little time for his famous brooding but not so busy that it would wear him down, physically and emotionally.

As he stepped into his office he flicked on the overhead light and dropped his backpack on the chair next to the desk. He lit the Storm Watch candle on the desk to get rid of some of the lingering musty smell from the room being closed up for most of the summer. Josh flicked on the small television that sat on top of the filing cabinet, just in case he'd missed something in the 3 minutes since he'd turned off the radio in Ben's car. A quick scan of the channels assured him the world hadn't gone to hell in a hand basket so he settled on CNN and tossed the remote back on the desk. The clock on the wall told him he still had plenty of time before class so Josh sat down at his desk, took off his glasses and put his feet up. Lacing his hands across his chest he did a few deep breathing exercises, timing his breathing to the ticking of the clock. The ticking clock always reminded him of the clock in the Oval Office, the grandfather one in between the doors to the outer office and the portico. During the day when people were in and out, you didn't notice it all that much. But late at night or for some reason there was dead silence in the room you could hear it clear as a bell, marking the passage of time, counting down the seconds in which life and death decisions were made. 

The scent of the candle, the sunlight streaming in the window and the deep breathing all served to bring a strange sense of calm within Josh, one he hadn't felt in a long time. It took him a few minutes to realize what it was; it was the feeling of contentment. With the beginning of school there was a renewed sense of purpose and value, something Josh often struggled with since his stroke.

Josh opened his eyes, took one final deep breath and pulled his feet down. He leaned over to snag his backpack in his right hand but then he realized that probably wouldn't be the best idea. It was pretty heavy. He turned the chair a little so he could pick it up in both hands and deposit on the top of his desk. Out of the main pocket he pulled out his notes for the morning class. He opened up the front pocket, hoping there would be a note from Donna in there. For years she'd been leaving notes in his backpack. Not every day but she tried to leave one on the days he taught. He pulled out the blue envelope and sat back in his chair, putting his feet back up on the desk. Careful not to give himself a paper cut he opened the envelope and pulled out a single sheet of paper with Donna's familiar, distinctive handwriting.

Dear Josh,

I know this wasn't the best summer we've ever had  
but I want you to know that I'm proud of how you   
handled yourself. Through the good, the bad, and   
the ugly, you hung in there. As always we came   
through the other side with just a few figurative   
scars. We make quite the team.

Good luck your first day.

Love Always,

Donna

PS-check your fridge.

 

Josh tucked the note in the chest pocket of his slate blue dress shirt. He walked across the room to open the little fridge that sat in the far corner. It was filled with Snapple, Yoo Hoo and ginger ale. Propped up on the shelf was an index card with another note.

Snapple-for any day  
Yoo Hoo-for "nutty" days  
ginger ale-for those sensitive system days

Josh just chuckled to himself as he pulled out a bottle of Lime Green Snapple to take to class with him. He used the bathroom, checked his reflection in the mirror, taming his hair just a little before rolling up his sleeves. He grabbed his notes and Snapple and he was off to mold young minds.

As he patted his pockets on his way out of the office he realized he didn't have a pen with him. He stuck his hand in his backpack searching for one. He pulled out another envelope, this one with Jake's handwriting on it. The envelope wasn't flat; there was something other than a piece of paper in it. Josh put everything in his hands back down on the desk so he could open it. He slid it open carefully and dumped out the contents into his palm. It was one of the friendship bracelets Jake and Jessie had been working on for days. A note fell out of the envelope too and Josh took a deep breath before unfolding it. He leaned against the desk to read.

 

Dear Dad,

I know you said that saying "sorry" wasn't  
enough anymore. So I'm trying to show  
you. If you don't want to wear this maybe  
you can tie it to your backpack.

Love,

Jacob

 

Josh took a deep breath and closed his eyes tightly. He didn't have the time to get as emotional as he felt. He put the note in the pocket with the one from Donna. He fingered the bracelet. It was made of his favorite colors, olive green, copper and navy. He figured correctly that Jake had some help picking the colors. As he blinked rapidly he made an attempt to tie it on his left wrist but didn't have any luck. As was usual when he was a little emotional his right hand was not cooperating. His fingers felt clumsy and stiff. Knowing he didn't have a lot of time before class started he tied the bracelet to the zipper on his backpack with a plan to let Jake tie it on his wrist later.

Another trip to the bathroom to splash some water on his face and Josh was finally on his way to his first class of the semester.

**************

The boys weren't home from school yet when Ben and Josh pulled into the driveway. Josh slung his backpack over his shoulder, grabbed the mail from the mailbox and headed inside. Ben picked up the basketball that was sitting on the lawn and took the opportunity to shoot a few free throws before the boys got home. 

Josh wearily dropped his backpack in the foyer, kicking it to the side enough that Donna wasn't likely to trip over it on her way in. He grabbed a bottle of water and headed for the bedroom, untucking his shirt as he went. He put the bottle of water on the nightstand and unbuttoned the shirt, shrugging it off of his shoulders. His shoes were the next things to go followed by his dress pants and socks. He pulled on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt as he heard the front door open and the boys barrel in. 

"Hey, how was school?" Josh asked as he walked into the kitchen where the boys were searching for something to eat. Both excitedly started to tell Josh about their respective days at the same time. "Whoa, one at a time," he teased as he stuck a bag of popcorn in the microwave.

Both the boys told about their days. They liked their teachers and both had friends in their classes. Jake was all excited about changing classes for the first time and about getting an ID badge to wear around his neck. "You are your mother's child," Josh teased, remembering the look on Donna's face years earlier when he had given her his Bartlet for America ID.

Jessie finished up his snack and headed outside to play basketball with Ben. Jake hung back a little, wanting to ask Josh about the bracelet. "Dad, did you find something in your backpack?" Jake asked as Josh wiped the stray popcorn kernels off the counter.

"I did," Josh said with a smile. Jake looked at his wrist and his face fell just a bit. "I couldn't tie it myself," Josh explained as he held up his hand. "It's on my backpack. Why don't you go get it? It's in the foyer."

Jake slid off the stool with a big smile on his face. He brought Josh's backpack into the kitchen and plopped it on the table. "Mom's gonna yell if she feels how heavy that is," Jake teased as he untied the bracelet from the zipper pull. Josh held up his left hand and Jake tied the bracelet on his wrist. He wrapped his arms around Josh's waist long enough for Josh to drop a kiss on the top of his head. Jake wasn't a kid who liked to cuddle and Josh was thrilled with any show of emotion he got.

"Go, get outside and play with your brother," Josh said as he turned Jake around and pointed him towards the front door. Jake ran out the door, stopping long enough to say a quick "hello" to Donna who was coming up the front steps. He didn't stop to chat but just flashed her a big dimpled smile as he ran down the steps.

"Josh," Donna called as she dropped her tote bag in the foyer.

"Kitchen," he called to her as he pulled a package of pork chops out of the refrigerator. Donna stood in the doorway admiring the view as Josh was bent over searching for the bottle of marinade on the bottom shelf of the fridge. "Checking me out?" he asked with a smirk as he found the bottle and stood up.

"Always," Donna teased as she crossed the room to kiss him. "So why was our eldest son looking very pleased with himself?" Donna asked as she kicked off her heels and took the bottle of water Josh was holding out for her. Josh held up his wrist as a way of explanation. Donna just smiled and reached to grab Josh's hand so she could get a better look at the friendship bracelet.

"He put it in my backpack," Josh explained as he turned towards the counter. He opened the package of meat as Donna got him a plastic bag to dump the marinade in.

"Did Jessie put something in there too?" Donna asked, knowing she'd put something in there too.

"I didn't see anything. Thanks for the notes. And the drinks. I take it you had some help with them?"

"Yeah, Ben did that for me. So how was class?"

"It was good. Is it me or do the students look younger and younger each year?" Josh mused as he zipped the plastic bag shut and gave it a good shake.

"You're just old," Donna pointed out with a smirk.

"Yep, and getting older by the minute," Josh muttered, knowing his birthday was coming soon.

*******

Settling into a comfortable routine September flew by in a rush of Back to School Nights, a Congress with a busier than usual agenda and numerous trips to the jewelry store by Ben. Josh was doing well, handling school, 2 kinds of therapy and a few speaking engagements. He had an appointment with Jill near the end of the month, the day before his birthday. His report was a good one, his blood pressure was down and he managed to gain 3 much needed pounds.

The morning of his birthday Donna found him standing in front of the mirror, wearing only his boxers. She watched for a few seconds before she realized what he was doing. He was looking at the scar on his chest, a ritual that usually took place on his birthday and around the anniversary of the shooting.

"Going to count the remaining hairs on your head next?" Donna teased as she reached to snap the waistband of his boxers.

"Hey," Josh yelped as he rubbed his side. "And counting the hair on my head won't take all that long," he muttered as he pushed his hair back to get a good look at his ever receding hairline.

"Look at it this way, I thought you'd be bald by now," Donna teased as she slipped up to sit on the counter.

"Are you supposed to be helping," Josh snorted as he moved to stand in front of her.

"What, I'm not helping?" Donna said, doing her best to feign innocence. With a wicked grin she slipped her hands down the back of his boxers and pulled him closer. Josh was stunned for a second but recovered quickly enough to have the sense of mind to reach behind him and lock the door that separated the bathroom from the main hallway.

 

Twenty minutes later Donna slipped into the shower, Josh went back to the bedroom and collapsed on the bed, pulling the sheet up and over his naked body.

"Need a nap already?" Donna teased as she came back into the bedroom, a cloud of steam and the scent of mango shampoo filling the room.

"Yeah, I'm old, remember?" Josh groaned as he pushed back the sheet a little so he could participate in one of his favorite pastimes, watching his wife get dressed.

"Josh, you're 57, not exactly ready for the nursing home," Donna reminded him with a roll of her eyes.

By the time she was done getting dressed the boys were up and running down the stairs. Josh pulled on his boxers and waited for them to come barreling in to wish him a Happy Birthday. 

******************

Two weeks after his birthday, and a week before they were scheduled to fly to New Hampshire for Jed's 75th Birthday celebration Josh found himself in one of his least favorite places, his therapist's office. However, Josh genuinely liked his therapist. Tom was a few years younger than Josh with small children of his own. But the thought of having a scheduled time to sit and talk about his feelings, fears and whatever always seemed a bit false to Josh. Like he had to feel fine the rest of the month but on the two days he saw Tom he could just let everything hang out, so to speak.

"So," Tom started when it was clear Josh wasn't going to initiate any sort of conversation. "Had a birthday a few weeks ago?" Josh just nodded. "Okay," Tom said, trying to hold back a chuckle. Obviously Josh wasn't in a talkative mood. "How's school going? How was the lecture last week?"

"Fine, fine," Josh muttered as he stood up to nervously pace around. His pacing was always Tom's first clue that Josh did indeed have something to talk about. Tom let him go for a minute while he thumbed through some notes he'd jotted down during Josh's last visit.

"So going up to New Hampshire next week?" Tom asked as he pulled out that nugget of information from his notes.

"Yeah," Josh sighed, not making eye contact, a tell tale sign that Tom was on the right track with what was bothering Josh. 'Bingo' he thought to himself as he leaned back in his seat and propped his feet up on the desk.

"Should be exciting, Jed Bartlet's 75th Birthday. Not an occasion you celebrate everyday. Going to be a lot of people there?" Tom asked, clearly fishing around.

"Crowds. People I haven't seen in a long time," Josh sighed as he stopped his pacing and dropped back into the chair. He fiddled with his cane, waiting for Tom to push him. It was a game they played and for better or for worse it worked for them.

"You don't want to see them?"

"Yeah, I do. I mean, it's not like we don't keep in touch now. We email and call once in a while but it will be the first time in a very long time that all my friends from my White House years will be together."

"That should be exciting. What makes you so nervous about seeing them?" Tom asked as he glanced at Josh who had suddenly found the pattern on the rug very interesting. "Josh?"

"I'm not the same person I was back then," Josh whispered, refusing to look up.

"What do you mean?" Tom asked, knowing full well but wanting to hear how Josh phrased it.

"Weaker," Josh muttered as he held up his cane. "Older."

"You're all older," Tom said, pointing out the obvious.

"I just don't feel as useful, as valuable," Josh said quietly. Tom had learned over the years that Josh's need to feel valuable was a strong one. He often struggled to understand just what Josh meant by that phrase. Many times he didn't think Josh himself was really sure what he meant by it.

"Josh, you're a well-respected college professor, you're a great Dad and a loving husband. You don't exactly sit home all day and watch soap operas. Are you maybe a little slower physically? Yes. A little less able to do certain things? Yes. Does that make you any less of a person? Or any less valuable? No. And we've been through this before. I am sure your friends don't think any less of you because you use a cane. Right?"

"I suppose. It's just hard to accept things some times. You know what I mean?" Josh asked as he finally looked up and met Tom's gaze.

"I do and it's perfectly normal."

"Do you think I'll do okay?" Josh asked.

"What do you mean by 'okay'?" Tom asked, clearly not sure where Josh was going. Josh just shrugged his shoulders, unsure of what exactly he did mean. "Do I think you'll make it through the weekend in general? Yes. Do I think somewhere along the line you'll have a little....what is it you call it...a nutty? Probably. But you'll be surrounded by people who love you. Remember that."

"I will," Josh promised.

"Be gentle with yourself. If the crowds get to be too much, sneak outside for a while, get some fresh air. Do some leaf peeping or whatever it is they do up there," Tom teased. Josh laughed a little, suddenly feeling that he was letting his fears get the best of him when he had no real reason to do so.

They went on to discuss a few other things, nothing major and nothing overly stressful for Josh. As was his custom, Josh left Tom's office and headed for Barnes and Noble to get a cup of coffee before meeting Donna for a late lunch.


	10. Chapter 10

The next few weeks flew by in a blur and on the morning of their departure for Manchester Donna found Josh sitting in his study. He hadn't bothered to open the blinds or turn on the overhead light; he just had the small desk lamp on. Sitting with his back to the door and his chin resting on his clasped hands Josh was deep in thought. "Sweetie," Donna said softly as she went into the room, closing the door behind her. Josh just sort of muttered an acknowledgement as he sat up straight, leaning his head against the back of the chair. Donna wrapped her arms around him from behind and kissed the top of his head. His hair was still damp from his shower and she inhaled the fresh, clean scent of his shampoo. "You okay?" she asked as she glanced down at the desk. She found what Josh had been looking at when she came into the room. It was a picture taken on January 20, 2003. It was taken in the Oval Office right before Jed Bartlet left the hallowed room for the last time. They were all trying to smile for the camera. And most were doing a fairly good job but their smiles couldn't hide the exhaustion and sadness they had all felt at that moment. 

"We haven't all been together very much over the years," Josh muttered as Donna picked up the picture and pulled Josh by the hand towards the couch. They settled down side by side. Josh took the picture back from her and ran his finger over the images.

"Josh, what's wrong?" Donna asked as she turned sideways a little, tucking her foot under her. He shrugged his shoulders a little, the reaction Donna had expected. Josh had been a little "off" for a few weeks. He'd been a little withdrawn and a little less eager to talk about things in general. Donna knew he was a little nervous about seeing everyone again. The last time all of them were together had been before his stroke, nearly three and a half years earlier. Sure, he and Donna had seen everyone at one time or another in the years since but they were never all in the same place at the same time. Josh tended to get a little overwhelmed in large crowds and he was worried about that. But more than anything he was scared of what his friends would think. In a little over three years he'd gone from being a basically independent man to someone who relied on a cane, didn't drive, was far from the picture of mental health and in general had aged a great deal. "It's going to be fine," Donna whispered as she leaned over and pressed a kiss to his temple. Josh just gave a little nod, not convinced things were going to be fine. "Okay, we need to get moving," Donna sat as she glanced at her watch. Josh just stood, picked up his backpack and left the room without a word. Donna watched him go with the growing feeling that things would not go smoothly over the weekend. She put the picture back on Josh's desk and turned out the light.

"Mom, I can't find my Mets hat," Jessie yelled as he came down the stairs.

"It's in the foyer, hanging on the coat tree," Donna yelled back as she opened up the toiletry kit to take a quick look and make sure everything was in there. She added a new tube of toothpaste and grabbed the bottle of Ativan out of the medicine cabinet, just in case. She put the kit in her suitcase and zipped it up.

********************

"Josh....Josh," Donna whispered as she reached over and put his seat in the "full and upright" position as the plane began its descent into Manchester International Airport. Josh opened his eyes and scrubbed his hand down his face. He put his glasses back on and let Donna smooth down his hair a little. The plane came to a stop and after a brief delay while they got the doors open the Lyman family, plus Ben and Annie headed up the jet way into the terminal. After collecting their luggage they walked out into the crisp, clean air of a fall afternoon in New England. Donna slid into the driver's seat of their rental van while Ben and the boys tossed the luggage into the trunk. 

Josh was quiet on the ride to the farmhouse but when Donna looked over at him he didn't appear to be brooding, he just looked a little tired. 

They were one of the first ones to arrive at the Bartlet's which made things easier all around. Abbey had given them one of the guest rooms on the first floor of the house. The other guests would be scattered throughout the house and the cottages on the property. The kids, Jake, Jessie, Huck and Molly Ziegler, Mallory's son Thomas, Zoey and Charlie's 7 year old twins, Sophie and Eddie and CJ's 12 year old daughter Sydney were all planning on camping out on the floor of the family room. Abbey had assembled every last sleeping bag, pillow and extra blanket she could find and tossed them all in a pile in the corner of the room. The kids didn't see each other often but when they did it took no time at all for them to get re-acquainted and start to wreak havoc. 

 

When Donna pulled into the driveway and cut the engine she glanced over at Josh. He was pushing his glasses up on his nose and he flashed her a dimpled smile. "I'm fine," he whispered. And for a change, Donna believed him.

Abbey and Jed came out to greet them, followed quickly by Sophie and Eddie who flew past their grandparents in a flash of pigtails, in the case of Sophie and shirt tails in the case of Eddie. As was predicted the four kids were off and playing basketball in the driveway within minutes. Ben, Annie and Donna grabbed the suitcases while Josh threw his backpack over his shoulder and followed Jed into the house. Donna sent Josh out to the kitchen to get something to drink while she unpacked their things. 

An hour later, Josh, Jed, Charlie and Ben were in Jed's study with coffee and a crumb cake they managed to sneak out of the kitchen. The female contingent was outside walking around the pond. Zoey had confirmed her recent weight gain wasn't due to too many donuts; she and Charlie were expecting baby #3 in early May. Annie carefully evaded most of the questions about Ben and Donna was just happy to be spending time with people who didn't talk sports and politics 24 hours a day.

"So how is CJ, really?" Zoey asked as they stopped to sit on the large rock by the side of the pond. It was a favorite place of the Bartlet women on which to sit and dish.

"I talked to her last week. She assured me that she's fine. The divorce was final 6 months ago and she's moving on. She and Sydney moved into their new house last month and Syd's getting settled into school," Donna said as she glanced over her shoulder to check on the kids. They were running around playing tag in the front yard, Sophie holding her own against the three boys.

"I still can't believe Roger turned out to be such a....a...."

"Jackass is the word you're looking for sweetie," Abbey supplied with a smirk. She too had been surprised when CJ's seemingly happy marriage had gone downhill quickly. "But I really, really think she's fine," Abbey added with a hint of mystery in her voice.

"Spill it," Donna said with a laugh.

"Her response card came back with 'CJ, Sydney and guests' on it," Abbey confessed. She had called and tried to get the names of CJ's mystery guests out of her but didn't have much luck.

An SUV pulled into the driveway a few minutes later. "Mystery's over," Abbey said as she pointed towards the man climbing out of the driver's seat. Though the red hair was peppered with a dose of gray, they would all recognize Danny Concannon anywhere. CJ climbed out of the passenger's seat, while Sydney flew out of the back and into Abbey's arms. "Hi, sweetie," Abbey said as she kissed the girls cheek. Sydney was the spitting image of her mother as a pre-teen, tall and skinny with red hair and a tendency to be a little clumsy. 

CJ greeted everyone, including the kids who had come over to see who had pulled up. Danny hung back slightly and it took Abbey and the rest of them a few minutes to notice he wasn't alone. Hiding behind his denim clad legs was a little guy of about 3 or 4 with flaming red curls and big, blue eyes. Abbey approached the pair with a big smile on her face. 

"Mrs. Bartlet," Danny said, nervously as he extended his hand towards her. Abbey batted it away with a laugh and reached to give him a hug. Danny let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding as he took a step back from Abbey. The little boy slipped his hand into Danny's and shyly looked at Abbey and the rest of the crowd who had begun to move closer.

"And who's this cutie?" Abbey asked as she ran her fingers through the young boy's curls.

"This is Daniel Junior," Danny said proudly as he picked up the boy.

"DJ," the little guy corrected as he held out his hand to Abbey, obviously having been given a quick lesson in protocol. "I'm 4," he added as Abbey shook his hand.

"Well, I'm Abbey and we don't need to discuss how old I am," Abbey teased as Jed, Josh, Ben and Charlie came out to see what all the commotion was about. They were a little shocked to see Danny standing in the driveway but it didn't take long for them to see how happy CJ seemed. The adults, and DJ, who was completely overwhelmed by the crowd, headed into the house while the rest of the kids went to play on the large wooden play set in the backyard. Sophie was thrilled to have another girl to play with.

***************

That night the house was filled with the sounds of kids running around and adults laughing and reminiscing. Everyone had arrived safely. Toby, Andi and the twins had arrived after lunch. Leo, Mallory and Thomas had arrived a little after 3, having driven from Leo's house on Cape Cod. Sam and Margaret had met up at the airport and driven out to the farm together, arriving about the same time as Leo. Elizabeth and Doug arrived just in time for dinner and Ellie and her boyfriend of 3 years wandered in just as dessert was being served. Gus was flying in from Indiana in the morning.

The men had been relegated to kitchen duty and were dealing with it the only way they knew how, with whining, liquor and cigars.

The women were sprawled out on the front porch swing, seats and in the case of Donna and Margaret, on the porch floor. All were wrapped up in sweatshirts and blankets against the chill of a Fall New England evening. They drank tea, gossiped and just enjoyed being together.

Finally a little after 9 the mothers went down to the family room to try to settle the kids down for the night. "Was anyone hurt in the explosion?" Donna deadpanned as she surveyed the family room from the landing. There was stuff spread everywhere, the floor hardly visible underneath the sleeping bags, blankets, clothes, video games and books. The kids, to their credit, were in their pajamas at least. "Okay, brush your teeth and settle down. We don't care where but just settle down."

"Can we watch TV?" four or five of them asked at the same time.

"Fine, put on an appropriate movie," CJ said as she glanced at DJ. "You sure you want to sleep down here," she asked him as she knelt down next to him. He just nodded and sleepily stuck his thumb in his mouth. "Okay, but you need to sleep on the couch or love seat, otherwise you're liable to get squashed during the night," she suggested as she straightened out the feet of his footie pajamas. It was clear to Donna, who was watching the pair, that CJ loved that little boy as her own.

"I'll look out for him Mom," Sydney said as she took DJ's hand.

"I'll help," Molly offered.

"Thanks. Danny and I are in the room at the top of the stairs if you need to bring him up," CJ said as she kissed DJ and Sydney.

The rest of the adults made their way down to bid their kids and grandkids 'goodnight'. When she realized Josh looked about 5 minutes away from falling asleep standing up Donna sent him in to get ready for bed. Annie and Ben went for a walk outside. As Josh gave a little wave in their direction, Ben patted his jacket pocket and winked. Josh gave a big paternal smile and headed for bed. Abbey dragged Jed away from the crowd in an attempt to get him settled down as he was wired from too much coffee and cake. She steered him in the direction of the porch swing, tossing him a sweatshirt as he headed outside. 

 

"Josh you need to settle down," Donna said with an exasperated sigh as she watched her husband pace around the room. He'd gotten a second wind somewhere between the family room and their bedroom.

"Too hyper," he smirked.

"Too much coffee and sugar. Go take a warm shower while I make you a cup of tea," Donna offered.

"Decaf," Josh called over his shoulder as he headed for the bathroom which was attached to their guest room.

"Obviously," Donna called back with a laugh.

 

By 11 Josh was sound asleep, thanks to two cups of Sleepy Time tea and a sleeping pill. Donna snuck downstairs to check on the kids. The little ones were all sound asleep, DJ and Jessie were curled up on opposite ends of the loveseat, Eddie and Thomas were on the couch, Sophie was asleep on the floor between Sydney and Molly while Jake and Huck were curled up on the overstuffed chairs. The four older ones were still awake but wouldn't be for much longer. "Don't forget to turn off the television," Donna reminded Jake as she pulled the covers up and over Jessie and DJ. 

"I won't. 'Night Mom," he whispered.

"Goodnight Aunt Donna," a few voices whispered as she shut out the light.

"Goodnight you guys."

************

"He just looks so tired."

"He's fine."

"I worry about them. All of them."

"They're strong, they'll be fine."

"I haven't seen him in two years. It was a shock."

"How does she handle it? Work, 2 kids, Josh..."

Donna stood in the hallway listening to the conversation floating out from the kitchen. It was clear who ever was in there; they were all talking about Josh. And while they weren't saying nasty things their words stung Donna probably more than they should have. It was true, Josh was very different from the man he was 4 years earlier, even 2 years earlier. She saw him everyday and the changes were less jarring. But every once in a while she'd come across an older photo of him and be shocked at the changes.

"We are fine," Donna said softly as she stood in the doorway. She pulled her robe tighter around her and gave the group a weary smile. CJ, Toby, and Sam all looked up at her with looks of guilt on their faces.

"Donna, we're sorry...we didn't mean..." CJ stuttered as she tried to dig herself out of the hole they'd all jumped into. Donna held up her hand to cut her off.

"No problem. You weren't being mean. You were being honest. I'm sure it was a shock CJ, it's been over two years and a lot has changed. That's just the way it is."

"Donna, sit," Sam said as he got up and offered her his chair. Donna crossed the room, passing by Toby as she did. He reached out and squeezed her hand as she passed by. She returned the squeeze and leaned over to press a quick kiss to the top of his head.

"How is he after the stuff he went through in July," Toby asked.

"He's good. It really wasn't that bad, considering his heart was shocked back into rhythm 3 times." Sam and Toby cringed, each of them unconsciously rubbing their chests for just a second.

"Donna, how is he....I mean we can see how he is physically but how is he...." CJ stumbled over her words. She knew what she wanted to ask. It was a question that was on everyone's lips but they were too afraid to broach that subject.

"Emotionally?" Donna asked, deciding to throw her a rope. CJ nodded. "He has his moments. He gets frustrated easily and tires quickly. Sometimes things that didn't bother him in the past bother him now. Crowds, being away from home, new situations. We cry and yell and ask 'why us' but then we look at our kids and get on with our lives. That's not to say Josh doesn't have a nutty at least once a month. But it happens, I hold him, he cries, he blames it on his meds and we move on. As I remind Jake at least once a week, we're not exactly living a life of horror. We're resilient and we deal with whatever is thrown our way." Donna explained simply without looking at anyone in particular. Her honesty left everyone a little speechless and it took them a few minutes to recover.

"Well, we couldn't be more proud of you and Josh and the boys," Sam said sincerely. 

"Thank you," Donna mouthed as she gave him a small smile and patted his hand. 

They stayed up and chatted for a while longer. Eventually Danny wandered down looking for CJ and Andi came to drag Toby to bed. Not an easy feat as he was basically asleep with his head on the kitchen table.

Donna put the mugs in the dishwasher and wiped the table. She heard voices out on the porch and peeked out to see who was still awake. In the shadows she could see Abbey, Liz and Doug crowded around Ben and Annie. That only meant one thing, he had finally proposed. Donna started to head for bed, not wanting to interrupt a family moment, but she was stopped by the sound of Annie's voice calling her outside. She flipped up the collar of her robe and stepped out into the cold, clear night.

Annie gave her a huge hug and kiss, leading Donna to assume Ben had told her of Josh and Donna's contribution to his proposal. Abbey caught Donna's eye and smiled. Donna sniffed back a few tears as Ben came over to give her a hug too. "Is Josh asleep?" he asked.

"Yeah, finally. So don't go waking him up," Donna teased as she admired the ring on Annie's left hand. Ben had picked out a simple yet absolutely beautiful setting for the ring. The narrow band fit Annie's slender finger perfectly.

A few more minutes of admiring the ring and talking to the happy couple, Donna headed to check on the kids and go to bed herself.

Josh was sleeping soundly when Donna got to their room. Thanks to the sleeping pill he didn't even move when Donna flicked on the light for a minute to find her pajamas. He slept through the night without waking, a fairly rare occurrence.

********

The next morning found Jed in the kitchen surrounded by 9 kids, all wanting to help him make pancakes for breakfast. He handed out assignments, cooking for the older ones, setting the table for the little ones and they all got to work.

By the time the rest of the adults started wandering into the kitchen, lured by the scent of coffee and pancakes, there was a cookie sheet full of pancakes keeping warm in the oven and some New Hampshire maple syrup heating on the stove.

Having made the meal, the kids made a quick disappearing act when it came time to clean up. But they were warned to clean up the family room enough that someone could actually walk through it, if need be. They did so quickly as they were promised they could go out and play when the room was clean and they were dressed.

Just as Jed was about to put the batter bowl in the fridge Gus walked in the door and headed straight for the kitchen. The airplane food on his early morning flight left something to be desired and he was starving. While he went around to say 'hi' to everyone Jed mixed up some more batter as the 6 leftover pancakes wouldn't begin to put a dent in the appetite of a 6' 3" football player.

The kids went outside to play in the yard, with a warning to stay away from the pond. Most of them, at one time or another had gotten too close to the muddy incline leading to the pond and slid down in the water which was cold even on the hottest of summer days.

In the afternoon the men and the boys headed into town to watch a local high school football game. The women and the girls stayed back to catch up on old times and to just enjoy the company of each other. They made some desserts for the open house on Sunday and did some girly things like their hair and nails.

By the time the men and boys got back from the game it was time to start getting ready for Jed's birthday party at the Josiah E. Bartlet Presidential Library.

All the kids were lined up in the living room for a "final inspection" by their mothers and grandmother. The boys in particular were having fits over their ties and uncomfortable shoes. The girls, for the most part, were kind of excited to be dressed up, and in the case of Molly and Sydney, excited to be wearing a little make up. With orders to sit quietly in the family room, not eat anything and not mess anything up the kids were sent downstairs so the grown ups could finish getting ready.

"Thank God, Jed didn't insist on black tie," Josh muttered as he picked up the striped tie Donna had set out for him.

"But you guys look so nice all dressed up," Donna teased from the bathroom where she was putting the finishing touches on her makeup. She came out a minute later and Josh ducked in the bathroom to brush his teeth. Donna packed the bare necessities in her small black purse, brush, lipstick, Advil and an Ativan tablet, just in case. She didn't really think Josh would need it. He was doing very well so far. But he hadn't been in an overcrowded room filled with too much noise and too many people milling around. She always went with the motto, "be prepared".

"Doesn't matter that it's not black tie. You still need help," Donna teased as Josh came out of the bathroom with his tie crooked and slightly loose. He stood still while she straightened the tie and wiped the toothpaste smudge off his chin. "Ready?" she asked as she picked up her coat.

"Ready," Josh replied with a smile.

******************

By 6:30 the party was in full swing. There were appetizers being served in the main lobby of the library, accompanied by a piano player in the corner who was more than happy to take requests. The kids quickly left their parents to mingle with the rest of the guests while they got sugared up on Shirley Temples and went to explore some of the exhibits in the library. All the kids, with the exception of DJ, had been to the library at least once so they knew where they were allowed to go and what they could and couldn't touch. But Sydney and Molly had promised CJ and Danny that they would keep an eye on the little boy.

Everyone gathered for dinner in the main hall of the library a little after 8. Donna hadn't seen Josh much since they'd arrived and was a little uneasy. But she caught sight of him coming into the room with Leo and Sam. He was laughing about something and his dimples were out in full force. He smiled as he caught Donna's eye. He crossed the room and took her hand, squeezing it gently as he whispered "I love you" in her ear.

By the time dinner was done the kids were starting to get restless. A light rain had begun to fall so taking them outside for a walk was out of the question. But Abbey came to the rescue when she asked the DJ to play some songs they could dance to. Lead by Huck, Molly, Sydney and Jake, the rest of the kids, and more than a few adults, danced to the Electric Slide, Cotton-Eyed Joe and the Macarena, songs the adults couldn't believe were still even around. They did the Hokey-Pokey and much to Toby's dismay he was dragged out onto the dance floor by his kids. Leo stood off to the side laughing pretty hard until his own grandson dragged him out too. Jed and Josh both used their canes as an excuse as to why they couldn't get out on the dance floor as well.

A little before 10:00 a huge cake was wheeled into the room. Jed reluctantly took center stage for the singing of Happy Birthday. He blew out the candle with some help from the kids. Before he made the first cut in the cake he motioned for everyone to settle down a little.

"I know we're all here to celebrate my birthday, an occasion that certainly didn't call for all of this," he said as he gestured around to the decorations, the food and the crowd. "But there is something else we need to celebrate here tonight." Everyone looked around for a few seconds, wondering what else there could be to celebrate. Annie tried to hide behind Ben as the last place she wanted to ever be was center stage. But Jed motioned for the two of them to come up with him. "As most of you know, this is my granddaughter Annie," Jed said as he put his arm around her. "And tonight we celebrate her engagement to Ben," Jed said as he put his other arm around Ben, who looked happy but more than a little embarrassed. There was a large round of applause and people started to mill around the happy couple as the cake was wheeled aside so it could be cut.

Donna hung back from the crowd as she'd already congratulated them the night before. She made eye contact with the boys who were not so patiently waiting for cake. She caught sight of Josh heading for the bar. She knew he'd only had one drink so she didn't think she needed to worry about his sensitive system. She watched as he took his drink and headed for a far corner. He paced around a bit, looking a little uncomfortable. Donna was about to go over and check on him when Jessie came over to her to complain that Jake was teasing him about something or other. Donna gave her older son the evil eye from across the room and he got the hint. When she turned around to find Josh, he was gone. The glass he'd been drinking from was sitting on a window sill but there was no other sign of him.

"He just snuck out the side door," Abbey said as she came over to Donna.

"Thanks," said Donna distractedly.

"Everything okay?" Abbey asked quickly as she saw concern come over Donna's face.

"Yeah. I think he just got a little overwhelmed with the crowd and the noise. I'm going to go see if I can find him," Donna said as she handed her cake plate to a passing waiter.

"Let me know if you need anything," Abbey called as Donna headed in the direction of the door.

The drizzle had stopped just as Josh had gone outside so Donna didn't have to track down an umbrella or venture out into the rain. She found Josh sitting on a ledge that ran along side the building. He was absently tapping his cane against the marble as he gazed out at the lights of downtown Manchester in the distance. Donna watched him for a minute or so, it was clear his thoughts were a million miles away. Finally, shivering against the chilly fall air she softly called out to him. Josh turned at the sound of his name. Donna walked towards him and he slipped off his coat and offered it to her. "Thanks," she said as she slid her arms in. She stood in front of Josh between his knees. "You okay?" she asked as she pulled her hands in the sleeves of his jacket and wrapped her arms around his neck. Josh rested his forehead against the soft material of her hunter green dress. He didn't answer her question, which was pretty much what Donna had expected. She kissed the top of his head and just held him for a few minutes. "Too crowded?" Donna asked, determined to get him to verbalize what was going on inside.

"Yeah, that and too much music I guess. I'm okay now," he muttered quickly. Donna realized that he wasn't about to do a whole lot of verbalizing about his feelings.

"Well, I'd feel a lot better if you actually looked at me when you're trying to convince me you're fine," Donna teased as she poked one hand out to tip up his chin. Josh gave a small chuckle and turned his head to drop a kiss on the inside of Donna's wrist. "Okay, I believe you. You're shivering and the boys are probably getting themselves into trouble, so why don't we head back inside?" Donna suggested. Josh agreed with a nod of his head as Donna pulled him to his feet.

They found the boys in the corner of the lobby with Huck and Eddie. The four were sitting on the floor playing cards and drinking soda. All four had their ties hanging loose and their sleeves rolled up. "Could they look any more like their fathers?" Donna wondered to herself. She caught Jessie eye and smiled as Josh pulled her in the direction of the bar. "One more," she warned as Josh went off to get another drink. "Get me something," she called after him as she headed for the nearest table. She took off Josh's jacket and hung it on the back of the chair. Toby wandered over a minute later, having just had a dance with his daughter.

"Hey, I saw Josh go outside a little while ago. He okay?" Toby asked as he turned a chair around and straddled it. He pulled a cigar out of his breast pocket but thought twice about lighting it as he caught sight of the numerous NO SMOKING signs. With a grunt he shoved the cigar back in his pocket.

"He's fine. Got a little overwhelmed, no big deal," Donna explained as she looked up to find Josh heading towards her. He managed to carry two glasses in one hand so he had a hand free for his cane. Donna took the glasses from him before his luck ran out and he spilled something. The three talked for a while until the kids started to get tired and the picking at each other started. Toby and Josh rounded up their kids while CJ, Charlie and Mallory did the same.

*******************

By midnight all of the kids had crashed. Most everyone else had changed out of their party clothes and were currently spread out over the house. Ben and Annie were on the porch swing talking to Margaret, CJ and Donna. Abbey had given up on dragging Jed to bed and had just retired alone. Liz and Doug had gone to bed. Ellie and Jim had gone out with some of her friends after the party, along with Zoey. Charlie stayed behind to get the kids settled down. Danny had taken DJ upstairs with him to try and settle the little boy down. Jed and Leo were in Jed's study and Sam, Toby and Josh were in the kitchen looking for a midnight snack. They settled on the old standby of peanut butter and apples. Sam took the job of cutting the apples as Josh didn't look quite awake enough and Toby didn't look quite sober enough to handle a knife.

Eventually, the only ones left awake were the apple eating crew and Jed and Leo. They all eventually migrated into the study, which was at the end of the hall, to avoid waking up the rest of the house. They settled down on the leather couches and in the case of Sam, on the floor. Someone opened up a bottle of Jack Daniels and Jed brought out his collection of fine cigars. Ignoring the teasing of the group about his sensitive system, Josh took a shot glass of Jack Daniels and a cigar. But after two shots he declined the lighter and put the cigar on the coffee table. There was a lot of truth to his sensitive system and he had already pushed it to the limit with a few drinks at the party, too much food and now Jack Daniels.

They talked about old times, the current state of political affairs in the country and their kids and grandkids. 

"Do you miss it?" Toby asked no one in particular.

"The political life?" Leo asked as he picked up his glass of ginger ale. Toby nodded from where he was sitting behind Jed's desk with his feet propped up. "I miss it in general. But I don't miss the day to day crap. It's nice to be able to go to bed before 2 AM and sleep past 5 AM."

"That's just because you're old," Jed teased as he unwrapped another cigar.

"Who're you calling old?" Leo shot back. "Let's not forget whose birthday we're celebrating," he added with a smirk.

"I don't miss it at all," Sam said as he swirled the amber liquor around in his glass. "I mean, I miss you guys but I don't miss the life."

"What about you Josh? You're the only one who actually went back to that life for a while," Jed said as he poured Josh another shot of Jack Daniels. 

"I do miss it. I think that's part of why Donna and I never moved very far from DC. It's in my blood I guess. While I enjoyed the time I spent on Hoynes' campaign I have no desire to do that sort of thing again. I'm not sure my marriage would survive. But can I honestly say I don't miss it? No." Josh knocked back the last of his Jack Daniels and set the glass on the coffee table. He kicked off his shoes and pulled his feet up onto the couch. 

"You still do any lecturing?" Toby asked as he waved in the general direction of Josh.

"Some. I like it, but sometimes the crowds...sometimes I get overwhelmed. I try not to do really large venues. But it's an easy way to earn money to put away for the boys' college funds."

"And it keeps you in the loop," Leo added.

"Or at least in the vicinity of the loop," Josh chuckled as he waved Sam off as he tried to pour him another shot.

 

A little after 2:00 Josh stumbled down the hall towards his room. Abbey had broken up the little party by practically dragging her slightly drunk husband to bed. Sam was sound asleep on the loveseat so she left him there. Toby staggered up the stairs after finishing the last of the Jack Daniels.

Stealth was never a strong suit of Josh's. Stealth after 5 shots of JD was nonexistent. He managed to walk across the room to the bathroom without tripping over anything but he dropped the bottle of Tylenol on the floor as he struggled with the child proof cap. Donna rolled over at the sounds of the bottle hitting the floor and Josh letting loose a string of words he didn't normally use. She tossed back the covers and went to help Josh before he got any louder and woke up any more people. "Need a hand?" she teased from the doorway. Josh just gave her a guilty look and handed her the bottle. She shook two in his hand and got him a drink of water. "How much did you have?" she asked as she tried to gauge if it was safe to let him go to bed or if he really needed to eat a little something, or at the very least sit up for a while.

"Uh, not too sure," Josh muttered with a sheepish look on his face.

"Go sit in the chair for a little while and watch TV. If you go to bed now you'll be sorry. Let me see if I can find some ginger ale in the kitchen," Donna said as she pulled on her bathrobe. Josh just nodded his head with a slightly drunken grin on his face. Normally Donna would get on Josh's case about drinking. With the medication he took he really shouldn't drink much at all, and normally he didn't drink often. But she was just glad to see he was enjoying himself on their weekend away and having fun with his friends that she would just let it slide. Besides, the hangover he would likely have the next morning would probably outweigh any nagging she would do at that moment.

Donna left Josh curled up in the chair scanning the television channels as she left the room and headed for the kitchen. She found Abbey in the kitchen, apparently on the same quest as she was. "Anymore of those?" Donna asked with a laugh as Abbey pulled a can of ginger ale out of the refrigerator.

"I think this is the last one; hand me a cup and I'll give you half," Abbey offered, echoing Donna's laugh. Donna grabbed a plastic cup from the stack on the hutch and handed it to Abbey. "Do you need Tylenol too?" Abbey asked as she reached into the freezer to get some ice.

"Josh already took some," Donna replied with a grin as she opened the cabinet in search of something to help Josh's overtaxed system.

"There are saltines in that cabinet," Abbey said as she pointed over Donna's shoulder.

"Thanks. And before you ask, I'm not going to yell at him," she assured Abbey as she wrapped a handful of crackers up in a napkin.

"Hangover will be punishment enough?" Abbey guessed with a chuckle.

"I think so," Donna smirked. "Jed too?"

"Oh yeah. I'm thinking of waking him for 6:00 AM Mass."

"That's just mean. Not that I disagree or anything," Donna was quick to add. "But that's just mean."

Abbey just gave a little shrug of her shoulders and headed out of the room with a chuckle. "Come get me if you need anything."

"Thanks."

 

By the time Donna got back to the room Josh was more than half asleep. "Josh...Josh, wake up for a minute."

"What? I am awake," Josh protested, his eyes closed and his head slumped over.

"Oh really?" Donna smirked. "What are you watching?" she asked as she pried the remote out of her husband's hand.

"No idea," Josh muttered as he gave in and opened his eyes. He sat up a little and drank most of the ginger ale and ate a few crackers. For as much liquor as he'd consumed and as much food as he eaten, he was actually not feeling too bad. He was sure he would pay for it in the morning but half asleep he didn't really have the energy to think that far ahead. Donna got him settled down in bed. She left the light on in the bathroom, just in case.


	11. Chapter 11

By 9 the next morning most everyone was up. A large number of the Bartlet family members had already been out to Mass and returned with some packages from the local bakery. Abbey hadn't bothered to wake Jed for Mass as he hadn't slept well at all and she felt a little sorry for him. He could go to church later in the day. The kids were running around at full steam and volume. Sam, Toby and Jed were currently lounging on various pieces of furniture in the living room, holding their heads and letting out the occasional moan or groan. They got very little sympathy from anyone. Leo and Danny, having done no drinking the previous night were sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee and reading the rather large stack of newspapers that were delivered each Sunday to the Bartlet residence.

Josh was still sound asleep when Donna came out of the shower a little before 10. She sat down next to him and leaned over to kiss his forehead. He didn't really respond but Donna saw no reason he needed to sleep the day away. "Josh, time to get up," she sang in an overly annoying sing-song fashion. That earned her a groan from Josh. "Come on Sunshine, the boys are organizing a baseball game," she said as she got up off the bed. That comment earned her a pillow to the back of her head as she stood pulling Josh's clothes out of the dresser. She tossed the pillow back at Josh, hitting him directly in the face. He gave an exaggerated moan and fell back onto the bed, hoping to elicit a little sympathy. He didn't get any. "Take a shower. How about some nice over easy eggs, some greasy bacon, maybe a little strong coffee," Donna teased as she pulled him to his feet. Josh turned a little green and headed for the bathroom. "Tea and toast?" Donna asked as Josh shut the door behind him.

"Please," he whined as he turned on the shower.

 

Despite the fact that he had a raging hangover, the kids were able to talk Toby into helping them organize the baseball game out in the field behind the house. Josh went out to volunteer to be the umpire or whatever else he could do with a huge headache and a cane.

About an hour after the guys and the kids had headed outside to play the game, the caterers came to deliver the food for the day. Abbey had wanted to cook herself but Jed and the girls had managed to convince her that cooking for an open house to celebrate her husband's 75th birthday was not necessary. So Abbey had to be content to give directions to the catering staff and then shoo them away as she refused to have them stay and serve the food. Just as she was about to send someone out to tell everyone the food was ready they heard the distinct sounds of a child crying and people coming up the front steps.

"It's one of yours," Abbey yelled to Donna. "Get some ice," she added as she took one look at Jessie coming in the front door. He had a nice bruise already forming under his left eye. He was trying his best to be stoic but a few sobs were sneaking out despite his best attempt to hold them back. "What happened?" she asked Huck, who'd brought him into the house. Huck handed Abbey Jessie's glasses, which surprisingly seemed to be in one piece. 

"The ball popped out of his glove and bounced off his face," he explained as Donna came in the room. One look at his mother and Jessie stopped trying to hold back the tears. She took him into her arms and gave him a big hug. 

"Take him into the kitchen and hold the ice on it. I'll be in to check him out," Abbey said. "Guess somebody hit the ball pretty hard," Abbey said as she picked up the baseball glove Jessie had dropped on the floor.

"Oh, it wasn't hit. Jessie was playing catch," Huck explained.

"Playing catch?" Abbey asked with her eyebrows raised. "And just who threw that ball?" she asked curiously.

"Uh, it was me," came a sheepish voice from the front porch. Abbey looked up to see Toby standing there looking more than a little guilty.

"Threw it a little hard there Toby," Abbey smirked.

"I didn't mean it," he replied, sounding very much like a little kid.

"Come on, I was just going to go check on him," she said as she waved Toby over.

By the time they got to the kitchen Jessie had calmed down considerably. He was sitting up on the counter with a bag of ice wrapped in a tea towel and pressed up against his cheek. "OK, sweetie, let me see," Abbey said as she turned on the overhead light to get a better look. Jessie removed the ice revealing a rapidly swelling bruise over his cheek and a little scrape from the stitches on the ball. Abbey pressed a little on the bruise causing Jessie to flinch and reach for Donna's hand. "Sorry sweetie, I just want to make sure your cheekbone is still in one piece." Jessie just nodded. "It's fine. Did the ball hit you in the head too?" Jessie shook his head a little. 

"But he fell backwards and hit his head," Huck supplied as Josh came into the room to check on his son.

"You okay?" Josh asked as he ruffled the boy's hair. Jessie nodded and put the ice back on his cheek. 

"Toby, go into my bedroom and grab my bag off the chair at the end of the bed."

"Your bag....your medical bag?" Toby asked as he paled considerably and for a second Abbey thought she would need to use the contents of the bag on him.

"Calm down, I just want to take a quick look in his eyes and clean him up," Abbey said with a big roll of her eyes. "Huck, why don't you run out back and tell everyone that lunch is served.

"Sure Aunt Abbey," Huck said as he ran outside, yelling for the rest of them before he even set foot onto the front porch.

As the rest of the group filed into the house to eat, Abbey and Donna took Jessie into the bathroom. They cleaned him up and Abbey took a look in his eyes and declared him just fine. He'd have a nice bruise and a good story to tell his friends at school on Tuesday. Donna gave him some Tylenol to hopefully ward off the headache he was bound to have and he went to join the rest of the kids as they ate on the front porch.

People were in and out for the rest of the day. Friends of Jed and Abbey's stopped by off and on and the house was bustling with activity. There was only one other minor medical emergency when Danny and DJ were wrestling around on the lawn and Danny glanced away to see why CJ was calling him and he took a little elbow in the nose. Half a box of tissues and a clean shirt later he was fine and Abbey was declaring the doctor's office closed for the remainder of the day.

After dinner some people started to pack up and head home. Sam, Gus and Margaret all had late night flights on Sunday. Liz and Doug went to do a little visiting with friends before heading home. Leo, Mallory and Thomas had headed out earlier while CJ, Danny and the kids were going to spend a few more days in Manchester. Josh and family, along with Ben and Annie had an early morning flight on Monday which would get Ben and Josh home in time for their afternoon classes. Toby, Andi and the kids were driving back to New York City in the morning.

Josh got the boys settled down for the night a little after 9 while Donna packed up their things. She helped Abbey finish the last of the cleaning up and then they spent some time with CJ and Andi, having a little "girl time" which consisted of a bottle of wine and a few old scrapbooks from their White House years.

After the boys were asleep Josh wandered into the kitchen in his pajamas looking for a snack. He pulled out a plate of fried chicken and put it on the table just about the time Jed wandered in, followed quickly by Toby and Danny. Deciding that just chicken wasn't enough the guys started pulling things out of the fridge until there was quite a spread out on the kitchen table. Jed offered them all some beer but was turned down, they'd had enough liquor the night before.

When the wine was gone and the reminiscing slowed down the women came in to the kitchen to check on things. Seeing nothing but a big mess, they left quickly.

Ben and Annie came back from the walk they'd been on. They looked more than a little rumpled and as Ben walked past her, Donna pulled a few stray strands of hay out of his hair. He immediately turned a lovely shade of red and practically ran up the stairs to the room where he was staying. Annie just turned away, trying her best not too look mortified. "You think you're the first couple to go out into the barn?" Donna asked with a grin. Annie just laughed and checked on Ben before she came back down and went into the kitchen. The little snack session was coming to a close, Jed was getting tired, Danny went to do a little writing before going to bed and Toby went out the back door for a quick cigar. That left Josh standing at the sink, washing up their dishes. "Hey," he muttered over his shoulder as Annie came in and put some water on for tea.

"Hey. You want some?" Annie asked as she held up the basket of tea bags.

"Sure," Josh answered as he dried his hands on a towel. "Where's Ben?"

"Uh, he went to bed," Annie answered quickly, a little too quickly. Josh just raised his eyebrows and peered over the tops of his glasses. "We came back from our walk and let's just say I didn't quite notice how much hay he had in his hair. So he's mortified and he went upstairs," Annie confessed, looking slightly mortified herself.

Josh just chuckled as he took two mugs out of the dish drainer. "You want to go out on the swing for a little while?" he offered with smile as he poured the water. 

"I'd like that a lot. Get your bathrobe and maybe a coat though, it's getting cold out there," Annie said.

Ten minutes Josh and Annie were out on the porch swing with their tea and an old quilt they found in the linen closet. The sat swinging in silence for a few minutes. It was a beautiful night, the perfect ending to perfect weekend. Annie glanced down at her left hand, admiring the ring sparkling on her finger.

"It's beautiful," Josh said as he squeezed her hand.

"Yes it is. I haven't really had the chance to thank you. Obviously Ben told me what you and Donna did."

"You two are like family," Josh said by way of explanation. Annie just nodded as she felt a little lump rise in her throat. She took a deep breath to try not to get overly emotional. Josh just chuckled a bit and leaned over, pressing a kiss to her temple. That was the end of Annie's trying not to cry. Josh handed her his mug so he could fish out the napkin he'd stuck in the pocket of his bathrobe. She wiped her eyes and tried to compose herself but it was hard. The tears just streamed down her face despite her attempts to stop them. Josh, never knowing quite what to do when faced with a crying woman, took the mugs and put them on the table before they spilled. He draped his arm around Annie's shoulders and waited for her to stop. "You finished?" he asked with a chuckle as she blew her nose.

"Yeah, sorry about that," she laughed.

"Not a problem," Josh assured her.

"A lot has happened since we did this a few months ago," Annie mused as she tucked her feet underneath her. 

"It sure has," Josh muttered as he absently ran his hand over the scar on his chest.

"I haven't asked in a while but how are you feeling? Really?" Annie asked as she turned sideways a little to look at Josh.

"I've been pretty good actually. Felt better than I have in a long time. But I do admit I was a little nervous coming up here this weekend," he whispered as he fidgeted with the tie on his bathrobe.

"Why?" Annie asked. Josh just shrugged his shoulders. "It's been a long time since you've seen everyone together hasn't it?"

"Yeah and a lot has changed," Josh muttered as he tapped his cane on the porch railing. 

"Nobody cares about that," Annie pointed out as she motioned towards the cane.

"In my heart I know that, but in my head, let's just say that sometimes things get a little mixed up," Josh said, stumbling over how to put into words for someone else something he couldn't explain to himself. Annie didn't push him to try and put his feeling into words. She had known him long enough to have a pretty good idea of what he meant.

"How do you and Donna do it?" Annie asked a few minutes later.

"Do what?" Josh asked, glad to have the conversation head in another direction.

"I don't know, survive I guess. Keep sane with 2 careers, 2 kids and everything else you two have going on," explained Annie.

"I don't know. I guess I never really thought about it in those terms. Donna's sort of always had this theory, actually it's Fishhooks McCarty's theory..."

"Who?" Annie asked, quickly losing track of the converation.

"This guy in New York City in the 20s or 30s,I don't remember. Anyway he used to go to church every morning and pray. He would say, God give me health and strength, I'll steal the rest. Years ago Donna would always tell me to just steal the rest. And for a while I lived with that theory. Then... then I didn't exactly have a lot of health or strength so I told Donna she would need to change her theory."

"So what did she change it to?" Annie asked curiously.

"She says we have to get by with a little love and luck."

"Love and luck?"

"An old Jimmy Buffett song," Josh explained. "With a little love and luck you will get by."

"You do much more than 'get by'," Annie pointed out as she poked him in the shoulder for emphasis.

"I know and I thank God everyday for what I have. But sometimes...sometimes a little more health and strength would be nice. Know what I mean?"

"Yeah," Annie whispered as she leaned over and kissed Josh's cheek.

"What was that for?" he asked with a grin.

"For sharing your cookies all those years ago, for taking the time to befriend a lonely little girl, for never forgetting about me in the years since, for dragging Ben up here a year ago and introducing us...and for this," Annie said as she held up her left hand. "But most of all for being you. Remember, a girl never forgets her first crush," Annie added as she tossed the quilt aside and stood up. Josh grabbed her hand and pulled her down a little; he smiled and planted a kiss on her forehead.

"You're welcome. And thank you, for all the things I can't put into words without falling apart," Josh whispered as he dropped her hand. Annie sniffed a little and headed inside before both of them fell apart completely.

The screen door shut behind Annie and Josh was left alone in the chilly New Hampshire night. He wrapped himself up further in the quilt. Although he was cold he just wasn't quite ready to go back inside. He watched the stars and thought about all he did have. As much as he'd been through in the past few years, if pressed he'd have to admit he would change very little if given the chance.

A few minutes later he heard the front door open. He looked up to see Donna standing there in her fluffy pink robe and slippers. "Josh you ok?" she asked as she closed the screen door carefully so it wouldn't slam and wake half the house.

"Yeah."

"Why don't you come in? It's late. Not to mention cold," she pointed out. He made no move to get up so she sat next to him and confiscated half the quilt.

"Annie and I were talking. She went in a little while ago. I told her the story of Fishhooks McCarty."

"Why in the world did you tell her that story?" Donna asked with a laugh.

"Long story," laughed Josh as he settled down with his head on Donna's shoulder. She turned her head just a bit to kiss his forehead. "We were talking about health and strength, and love and luck. She wanted to know how we do it."

"Did you tell her we really have no idea?" Donna teased as she rested her cheek against Josh's unruly hair.

"Yeah, I did."

"Do you still do it?" Josh asked as he stifled a yawn.

"Do what sweetie?"

"Pray...you know for health and strength?"

"Every night, Joshua, every night," Donna whispered as she held him just a little tighter. She wasn't sure what had brought on this sudden reflective mood Josh seemed to be in.

"But you're love and luck theory, that still stands too right?" he asked. While his tone was slightly teasing there was an edge of something more behind it. Like he needed some sort of reassurance. Donna chalked it up to a long, and at times, emotional weekend. "It still stands Josh," she reassured him.

All in all Josh had done much better than Donna had ever anticipated. He not only survived the weekend, he had flourished and actually had a great time. 

Maybe it was all the love and luck.


End file.
